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Pre-School and Daycare
moms of a 3 yr old and baby...how do you deal...
I have an almost 4 yr. old and a 10 month old. My 4 yr. old is still pretty jealous of the baby and still acts out, etc. She is getting better with some things, but still hides toys from him, won't let him play with her toys, etc. I know that kids older do this as well, but its still different when a toddler does it to a baby. She just seems so mean to him. Sometimes I worry if I even leave her with him for a few seconds. I know you shouldn't leave your baby with your toddler (which I don't...but to go to the bathroom or something quick. Just wondering what has worked to get rid of the jealousy, etc. I try to do special things with just her when he is napping or when my husband is home, but I know my son requires a lot more attention than she does..so I think this just upsets her and makes her jealous. I mean he is almost a year old and I thought it would have gotten a lot better than it is now. Any help or advice appreciated!
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Re: moms of a 3 yr old and baby...how do you deal...
I don't have any advice, but am curious how your daughter was when you were pregnant? Was she excited to be a big sister? Did the jealousy start right away?
DD will turn 4 two weeks after our baby is due... she's very excited, but seems anxious about Mommy being in the hospital without her for a couple of days.
I noticed my DD's jealousy peaked at #2's milestones too. When he started crawling, pulling up, walking it was like oh wait a minute, it moves too?! My DD also pried my DS's hands off things when he started pulling up.
Like PP, we also put a few really special toys into her room and then everything else is for sharing. I have no answers because it's a daily battle around here too. My #2 wants anything #1 has because she's manipulating it and making it interesting. Then #1 wants anything #2 has because of jealousy. We try to correct them equally even though the baby has no clue what we're saying. I also remind #1 a lot that if she isn't nice and doesn't share, that people won't want to play with her.
So, I sort of have a theory. my theory is that the 3 year old (almost 4 year old) has forgotten what life was like pre-baby and so the jealousy isn't steming from this something new being here but rather from the world created as it is now (if that makes sense). The almost 4 year old is old enough to understand a few things and start taking responsibility. So, for example, if my 4 year old wants something from the baby the rule is that you have to replace that toy if you want to play with a toy the baby has. So DS1 will go on this big search for what HE thinks the baby should play with (he thinks he's controlling it all but really, he isn't). I test him a little too, like I say "Can the baby play with this?" and if he says "no" then I ask for 2 other things and then tell him to pick which one the baby can play with.
Lastly, while laying in bed one night, I explained to DS1 how DS2 will one day play with him and he'll have a built in playmate at the house. How he'll always have someone to play with. I compared it to so-and-so best friend. At that point, a light went off in DS1's head. We've never had any jealousy, thank goodness, but he sort of ignored and didn't care too much about the baby other than asking me to hold the baby to stop crying but after I explained the playmate thing, he now is much more engaged with his little brother.