- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Northern California Babies
alibee09
member
parents of three+
alibee09
member
Talk to me about having three kids: I mean, seriously, tell me about it. Don't sugar coat anything.
What's harder?
What's easier?
What happened that you wish you'd anticipated?
What did you anticipate happening that didn't?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: parents of three+
the secret blog
the secret blog
I got nothing for you, other than my own expectation of the personal hell 3 children would be around our house, but child #1 is so intense that had we not rolled the dice on getting pregnant immediately we would only have 1 kid. Now if I had 2 like #2 there is a strong chance we would have 3.
I too remember they " water" incident and IMO you did nothing wrong at all. It was pure rediculousness.
I know on the pre-school and school aged boards there are a lot of 3 kiddo moms.
the secret blog
This is why we have 1.
Too far into it to chance it again!
That's why you hafta do it all when they're little. K is 3 which is just enough to make me go WHAT THE F&$@ IS THIS S#@%????
Hee.
the secret blog
heck to the no to 3 for us
I don't like to be out numbered. at least we are going to be man on man, I'm not down with zone defense!
I don't have 3 children, but there is something in our addition of a 2nd, that I think is relevant here to bring up. It falls under the "What happened that you wish you'd anticipated?" camp
S and I have a strong relationship. Going through IF did not phase us, nor did adding G into the mix (even when he screamed non-stop for the first 4 months of his life). We got closer, so I took for granted that adding another child would have similar effect.
It didn't.
With 2 we definitely had to do more of a divide and conquer approach. Maybe it's the age gap that we ended up with, and with an older child, they would have been more self sufficient/independent, and it would've been different, but adding S2 added a strain on our relationship that I wasn't expecting. While we're conquering, there's also a more noticeable "divide" too :-/
Don't get me wrong -- we still love and like each other, and we don't fight, but we've had much more tense conversations and short fuses in regards to one another than we had before S2. We just don't talk like we used to, mostly because we can't find the time and private space for it.
Maybe if we had family close by, and had more "alone" time...
Maybe if G didn't go to bed so effin' late...
Maybe if our bedtime routine with G was different...
Maybe if we parented differently...
Maybe if I wasn't running a business...
There are a lot of (personal) maybe's, but by the end of the day I know that adding any additional children would be of heavy strain on our relationship.
This is really not the reason we're not adding onto our family, but it's a consideration I thought would be important to share. So here are a few other questions you should consider in your retrospection: How is your relationship now? Do you feel that adding a 2nd child changed it? For the better? Would a 3rd make that better? What role is more important to you, if you see future strain: that of a partner or that of a mother? If s**** hit the fan, or a terrible incident occurred, could you see yourself parenting 3 on your own?
I know these are really difficult questions to answer, but I know that you are considering this decision very cautiously and I wanted to share my experience.
Photo by Zemya Photography
This is the exact reason we're done. DH said "If we have to switch to zone, we're screwed"
Just a big ditto to all of this. I also really feel like I miss out on the little things with #2 because of lack of time. It's rare that he and I get to spend a chunk of time just he and I, playing and being goofy and laughing and cuddling like I did with #1. It's great they take their naps at the same time, but that also means that they are awake at the same time...and he misses out (as do I). With three, I would think it would be even worse.
Also, I never even considered 3, even way back when... don't want to be outnumbered.
Interesting reading these. I am the third child of three ( duh ) and have always wanted three. Topic in our household alot lately.
I feel like , just like having one or two children there are tough days and tough years. I feel like the early years are challenging of course, but also amazing. Sit back and enjoy them when you can ( i am still trying to learn how ).
My grandmother had 11 children so I think I can have the patience to have 3 . I hope
Ava summed up what having one was like for us. It's only now that we are coming out of it and see it was temporary. Holy smokes did it suck. I get stuck thinking any additional child would be an equally bad experience in so many ways (IF, high risk pg, bedrest, labor, cesarean, crap sleep, marriage friction) and can't ever get past it so kudos to those that do.
I am a special circumstance since I was given two and three at one time, and no real choice. I will say that I am grateful because I don't think I would have ever taken the leap to 3 on my own.. but I feel so complete with three and don't think I would have felt that way with just two. DH is talking #4 but I don't think he will ever get me to co-sign, I just feel really good about the family of 5 we have.
What's harder? Heck YES. It still is hard. Easier in a lot of ways, but I am TIRED at the end of a day. The three of them don't nap at the same time usually the twins do and then D and then the twins again.. or something like that. This means no time at all where we get a break until after they go to bed. The good news is that bedtime is pretty good, and early so we get some us time in the evening. I will echo Ava that we don't really get a complete conversation right now when the kids are awake, I know eventually we will.
With three someone always needs something, not much down time where they are just playing. At least not yet. Also depending on your timing you may still be needed in caring for them for the most part... like getting snacks, food ready, dressed, changing diapers, wiping butts, cleaning messes, playtime. It is constant. As they get older I know it will get better.
What's easier? nope.
What happened that you wish you'd anticipated? I knew sleep would be slim in those first few months, I just wish I was able to get how slim it would be. I was SO tired, and most days I still am. Also I did not realize how hard it would be to get out of the house with all three at the same time. With D we were on the go all the time, out to dinner a lot.. it didn't change us too much. Add the twins and they are a year old and we haven't been out to eat as a family and I am thinking we won't till they are about 5 and 8 lol..
What did you anticipate happening that didn't? I was afraid I would be full of resent and regret and I am not.
I think of our family as something we are building and look long term. Yes I am tired now, yes I wish I had more one on one time with my DH... but I am also very fulfilled and full of love. I also look forward to the future where all three are home for the holidays, and being a fuller family when they have their own families. I feel like the three of them will not be lonely that they will always have each other, and even if they have some strain in one relationship..they will have another that hopefully will help pull them all together.
We dreamed of having a "big" family but did not really have the guts to do it. It was a gift I didn't expect and I am so thankful for it.
And this is what sends me into the I want three camp. The full feeling. I feel like one more will complete us. You put it just right.
I was also reading Ava's post and totally agree with that too. I was cocky with one. My relationship with dh was strong. after #2, it is all work, all of the time.
Luckily we have a little more time to sit and dwell on if we go for number three, but I think I would always regret it if we didn't try to take that leap.
I have quite firmly decided the only people who think 2 is the terrible age are people who have not had a 3 year old. For everyone I know 3 has been a horrible age, the testing, negotiating, tantrums that make those sit on the floor and cry things sound like heaven.
Neither of my kids sleep. K is a little better now but in our house, a 6h night for her is the norm, she doesn't nap, and the that's coupled with M waking up every 2-3 hours and napping once a day. I am a well-oiled no-sleep machine! WOO
the secret blog
We will for sure have a 4th.
The only thing that holds me back from really pushing for more is the money end of it. I don't believe my kids need a lot of things that cost money but they need some..and right now we will be stretching as far as I am willing to to have a 4th. Of course it really depends on how we get a 4th too...
If I could control the world I would be able to get/stay pregnant again when N is about a year old. Have that one then wait a few years and do foster adopt...But who knows...
But for me the 3rd isn't that much harder...Teh boys certainly don't get the time and complete adoration that JLK got...but in some ways I think thats a benefit they have over her!
I come from a family of 6 for my first 23 yrs...then we became a family of 8 when my parents adopted my lil bro and sister. And I loved being from a big family as a kid and even more as a adult.
For me its pretty simple...the good thats comes with lots of siblings as a kid and now as a adult far outweighs the bad...like not even close.
And now we are a odd number and I really want to get to a even number for Disneyland!
br