finding this age really difficult (13 mo)

LittleDucky · January 2012

I don't post on here much, but I hope you don't mind a post from a lurker because I could use some support if anyone is in the same boat as me. My DS is 13 mo old and I am having a sort of hard time and feeling like a bad mom lately. There's nothing major going on but I am just having a hard time with the day to day. He is a VERY active kid (DCP comments on it, and I've noticed how different he is from other kids his age at playdates). He is always on the move and is constantly climbing and trying to get to whatever he can. Lately everything is a struggle. He fights me at diaper changes, screaming and wriggling away. He fights me when I try to put clothes on. He fights me when I try to wipe his nose. He fights me when I try to pick him up and carry him. I end up feeling frustrated a lot of the time, and then I feel like a bad mom for being frustrated because really, he is a generally happy kid (when not being constrained) and he is funny and I love him tons. It is just that the age is difficult.

I'm sure things are not made any easier by the fact that I am studying for the bar right now (taking the bar at the end of February) so my stress level is probably a bit higher than usual. DH has so much more patience with DS these days, and I feel like a bad mom for getting stressed out about things so much. Anyone else in the same boat?

BelleIsa · January 2012

11 to 15 months was really hard for me. Until DD started to communicate (talking) I was very frustrated and DD is also a very active/insane/curious kid.

It's only now (at almost 20 months) that she'll sit for more than 2 seconds to look at a book or play with something.

Hang in there - it gets better!!

angelphish2010 · January 2012

My little man sounds alot like yours!

Some days the only way I can calm him down is to have him sit on my lap and watch dvr'd episodes of Yo Gabba Gabba.

Good luck on the bar. I'm sure you'll feel much better when its over.

BelhurstBride · January 2012

Have you tried giving him warning that he's going to have to get a diaper change/get dressed/you're going to pick him up? Like, I tell DD "I understand you're having a lot of fun doing X but we need to do Y. I'll give you a minute to finish up." Once she started to understand what I was saying it really helped avoid the tantrum at the event change.

She's also huge on helping, so if I say something like "can you help Mommy change your diaper?" she's 10x more likely to go along with it.

suziqnc · January 2012

My DD is 14 months, and she went through a phase (for about 3-4 months) of fighting diaper changes/clothes/any kind of constraint. She is a busy child also, and I think that she just couldn't stand having to be still for longer than 2 seconds. She is just now, within the last 2-3 weeks, stopped fighting me tooth and nail over these things. I absolutely know what you are going through, and there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

A few things that have seemed to make a huge difference for us:

1. Instead of carrying her to her room to change her, I tell her that it is time to change her diaper, and I let her to walk to her room on her own and then I let her pick out the diaper from her bin. After a few days of that, now she does it automatically when I tell her its time for a new diaper.

2. I keep a book and a small toy on the changing table, and give it to her to hold while I change her diaper.

3. She is really starting to try out some new sounds, so when I am changing her, I try to keep her distracted by working on some of those sounds with her (clicking my tongue, the "s" sound) or going over the words she already has.

hoping4sticky · January 2012

Do you have any help? I would try and find at least PT care until you take the bar. I studied like crazy for that and wouldn't have felt comfortable putting in the prep and taking care of a toddler FT. If you can find some type of care and eat the cost for a month, DS will get his energy out at DC, give you time to study, and then you can have good quality time when he isn't driving you crazy.

GL!

kelbel527 · January 2012

Toddlers can totally be stressful, so you're not alone! I also find myself feeling guilty when I get overly frusterated with DS.

As a few others said, giving them something to play with while changing their diaper helps.

-Asking for "help" has been a huge win. He loves to be mommy's helper, so I will ask him to help me change his diaper, or help me put on his socks etc.

-Distractions are also very helpful. If LO is upset about something, distract them with something else they love.

-When all else fails, yes, I've turned on Nick Jr to get him to sit down so I can get something done. I swore I'd never do it, but dvr'd episodes of Bubble Guppies gets dinner made.

Hang in there and good luck on the bar!

jessmae10 · January 2012

It can't be easy studying for the bar and raising a toddler...but hang in there, it will get better. I agree with the above, just letting him help and have a little control in those situations may help ease his frustration. It sounds as though he doesn't want to stop what he is doing. My DD is the same way and diaper time was beginning to be a pain- still is at times. But I try to always say now, let's change your diaper and then give rasberry's on her tummy throughout or sing a song.

And when all else fails, take a deep breath and do something to make them laugh- that usually makes me feel better- it reminds me how adorable and lighthearted she is--even though in the midst of tears, screaming, wriggling and crawling away from me with a diaper halfway on, I tend to forget. Stick out tongue

Ask for help- especially when you need to study.

LittleDucky · January 2012

Thank you everyone for the responses! It is good to know that I am not the only one who feels this way. DS is in daycare during the day (he was in daycare while I was finishing law school last semester and we kept him in for while I am studying for the bar, too) so at least I get help that way, and DH does help a lot, too, which helps with the frustration. I will try to distract him more during things like diaper changes and getting dressed. He does like to watch Yo Gabba Gabba on netflix streaming so maybe I will put that on the ipad before starting to get him dressed or something like that.

Mostly I think I just have to try to not let the screaming bother me. DH is better at this than at me. I have to remind myself that he isn't actually miserable just because I am holding him down, he's just complaining. Even if he sounds miserable! And I am hoping things will get better when he has more language. He really only says one word right now ("dog") and had a bunch of ear infections between finally getting tubes a couple weeks ago, so I am hoping that helps his language move along and helps with the frustration (both for him and for me!). Again, thanks to all of you for the support. It's good to know we are not alone!

jarebearsmom · January 2012

We play games like peek a boo while getting DS dressed and I tickle him to get him focused on me instead of trying to get down during diaper changes

Good luck with the bar!

driveshorses · January 2012

It gets a lot better. My DD is the same way, well, was. She's chilled a lot and listens/follows direction more now. I dreaded diaper changes and putting clothes on her. Now she will hold her legs up for the diaper change and she tries to help put clothes on. She is still super busy but it's a bit more focused busy-not a hummingbird on energy pills kind of busy.

Not to mention that studying for the bar exam is probably not helping your stress level at all! You are not a bad mom, toddlers are tough. Good luck passing the bar and hopefully you get it done first try!

momofmanyinthemitten · January 2012

We also are going through the fighting with every diaper/clothing change. I assume that it's just a stage and she will outgrow it eventually. My LO is very curious as well and we've started doing sensory activities to get some of her energy out. I've been using this blog as inspiration and I pick one new activity to do each day. She's been really enjoying them and she is less frustrated the rest of the day.

girllennon · January 2012

LittleDucky:

I don't post on here much, but I hope you don't mind a post from a lurker because I could use some support if anyone is in the same boat as me. My DS is 13 mo old and I am having a sort of hard time and feeling like a bad mom lately. There's nothing major going on but I am just having a hard time with the day to day. He is a VERY active kid (DCP comments on it, and I've noticed how different he is from other kids his age at playdates). He is always on the move and is constantly climbing and trying to get to whatever he can. Lately everything is a struggle. He fights me at diaper changes, screaming and wriggling away. He fights me when I try to put clothes on. He fights me when I try to wipe his nose. He fights me when I try to pick him up and carry him. I end up feeling frustrated a lot of the time, and then I feel like a bad mom for being frustrated because really, he is a generally happy kid (when not being constrained) and he is funny and I love him tons. It is just that the age is difficult.

I'm sure things are not made any easier by the fact that I am studying for the bar right now (taking the bar at the end of February) so my stress level is probably a bit higher than usual. DH has so much more patience with DS these days, and I feel like a bad mom for getting stressed out about things so much. Anyone else in the same boat?

My son is 12 months old and is very similar. He is always on the go and curious about everything, which is good, but draining. He is starting to fight at diaper changes again (previously stopped altogether after falling off the bed at 10 months of age). He's also a funny, silly, happy, good-natured little boy with a strong will and when something is frustrating him, he let's you know about it.

I think it'll be easier once he learns new words and can communicate better. right now, it can sometimes be a struggle trying to decipher what is is that's setting him off, especially when his needs change seemingly overnight.

see2211 · January 2012

suziqnc:
My DD is 14 months, and she went through a phase (for about 3-4 months) of fighting diaper changes/clothes/any kind of constraint. She is a busy child also, and I think that she just couldn't stand having to be still for longer than 2 seconds. She is just now, within the last 2-3 weeks, stopped fighting me tooth and nail over these things. I absolutely know what you are going through, and there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

A few things that have seemed to make a huge difference for us:

1. Instead of carrying her to her room to change her, I tell her that it is time to change her diaper, and I let her to walk to her room on her own and then I let her pick out the diaper from her bin. After a few days of that, now she does it automatically when I tell her its time for a new diaper.

2. I keep a book and a small toy on the changing table, and give it to her to hold while I change her diaper.

3. She is really starting to try out some new sounds, so when I am changing her, I try to keep her distracted by working on some of those sounds with her (clicking my tongue, the "s" sound) or going over the words she already has.

These are great tips! We do 2 & 3 and they help out a lot. I'm definitely going to try #1 too. My DD loves doing things on her own and I think that she'll respond well to that.

It's been a tough couple of months for us too. DD is super active and working on teeth #13 and 14, so teething has been pretty much constant for us over the last year. She has started throwing tantrums pretty much anytime we tell her no or take something away from her that she shouldn't be playing with. We ignore them for the most part now, so hopefully she won't default to tantrum mode every time she gets upset. But it's been tough for us too!

Kitiara5512 · January 2012

C has fought me on diapers and clothing changes, including screaming and trying to wiggle away and a couple of times yanking my hair, since he could walk. As in, I am mobile now and you cannot hold me back from said mobility. I hold him down and get it done as quick as I can so he can go back to being himself. I hope its a phase but I also know that it has nothing to do with me but C asserting his independence.

C is also very active. Very active. As in we do not like to hold still for anything other than our zombie moments for Bubble Guppies and Fresh Beat Band. I like it because I am not having to push him to be more active, and hoping that this constant movement continues as he gets older so he is not a fatty like his Da and I.

MamatoA2010 · January 2012

Dont feel bad at.all. Toddlers are hard! I found the age from newborn to 18 months to be easy but then it becomes difficult. Then again around 2 I think it gets a little easier again. Hang in there! And good luck with the bar!

abs05 · January 2012

This definitely seems to be an age of transition. Maddie is much more unpredictable right now with her schedule and I personally find that difficult. I like knowing what to expect day to day and right now I don't. Maddie is also extremely active and hates being containd. She isn't walking yet, but she wants to and needs my undivided attention when she is awake. She is not content with any one activity longer than about 5 minutes. It is absolutely exhausting!

That said, it is still a million times easier than the newborn stage. I may eat my words later, but I really doubt that any age will be harder for me than the first 6 months.

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