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Asking very tentatively...

MrsMincksMrsMincks
in Baby Showers

...please don't flame me. I promise I'm usually less of a dolt. 

My question is this: I'm not having a baby shower (unless my friends/family are way better at keeping a secret than I thought). Which is fine - no one's obligated to throw one for me, and I just got married last January, so the bridal shower was really recent and incredibly generous. 

However, a few out-of-town people have asked when my shower is and where I'm registered. I'm not sure how to say that I'm not having one and don't have a registry without making it sound like I want either of those things. I don't want anyone to feel pressured to get me anything or throw together a shower when everyone is so busy and on budgets. I've pretty much just been saying "As far as I know, I'm not having a shower - there's just no time with everything that's going on! So we didn't do a registry". 

I just don't want to sound like I expect one or like I'm hinting that someone should throw one for me or that people should buy me things, because I don't feel that way at all. Is there a better way to express this than what I have been saying?

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Re: Asking very tentatively...

  • EastCoastBrideEastCoastBride member
    A registry actually has nothing to do w/ a shower.  if you want to register- do so.  Clearly people still want to get you gifts, so go register for what you want/need.  Then when people ask, say "no shower that I know of, but I'm registered at ___."
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  • kaybuggy87kaybuggy87
    I don't think so.  Just saying that no one has brought a shower to your attention.  If they are relatives, they may take the hint and call your mom/sister/aunt/MIL, etc. to find out if one has been planned.  Though i would think if there were a suprise shower in the works they probably would have gotten an invitation.
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  • MrsMincksMrsMincks

    imageEastCoastBride:
    A registry actually has nothing to do w/ a shower.  if you want to register- do so.  Clearly people still want to get you gifts, so go register for what you want/need.  Then when people ask, say "no shower that I know of, but I'm registered at ___."

    That makes sense. I guess I always just associate a registry with showers/parties!  

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  • Adam&Eve07Adam&Eve07 member

    imageEastCoastBride:
    A registry actually has nothing to do w/ a shower.  if you want to register- do so.  Clearly people still want to get you gifts, so go register for what you want/need.  Then when people ask, say "no shower that I know of, but I'm registered at ___."

    This. 

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  • MrsMincksMrsMincks
    imageAdam&Eve07:

    imageEastCoastBride:
    A registry actually has nothing to do w/ a shower.  if you want to register- do so.  Clearly people still want to get you gifts, so go register for what you want/need.  Then when people ask, say "no shower that I know of, but I'm registered at ___."

    This. 

    Sounds like a good plan! I will have to see what we still need/would like and make a registry. Thanks so much, ladies! This makes me feel a lot better :-)

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  • greeneyed_bridegreeneyed_bride member
    I agree with those who said to a registry anyway. Some stores (Babies R Us for sure, and I think maybe Target, too) send you a completion coupon about a week before your due date that gives you a percentage off of anything that's left on your registry. So even if nobody ends up buying things off of your registry, it's an opportunity for you to save money on any last-minute items you might need for the baby.
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  • paintmepaintme member

    Even though you are not having a shower, having a registry is a great way to make a shopping list of everything you want to purchase before the baby comes. Even if no one purchases off of it you will have a shopping list all done of what you want, what brand, and style.

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  • MrsMincksMrsMincks

    imagegreeneyed_bride:
    I agree with those who said to a registry anyway. Some stores (Babies R Us for sure, and I think maybe Target, too) send you a completion coupon about a week before your due date that gives you a percentage off of anything that's left on your registry. So even if nobody ends up buying things off of your registry, it's an opportunity for you to save money on any last-minute items you might need for the baby.

    I completely forgot about that. Good thinking! 

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  • MrsMincksMrsMincks
    imagehocus:

    I think your answer is fine. If you were mentioning this without being asked it would be one thing.

    However I would suggest a small registry. People really will send gifts shower or not.

    OMG. Can you imagine someone just out of the blue being like "...so, I'm not having a baby shower. No big. I don't have a registry either. Yeah, that's just how the cookie crumbles..." That would be so weird. 

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  • MarSamWhitneyMarSamWhitney member
    imageMrsMincks:
    imagehocus:

    I think your answer is fine. If you were mentioning this without being asked it would be one thing.

    However I would suggest a small registry. People really will send gifts shower or not.

    OMG. Can you imagine someone just out of the blue being like "...so, I'm not having a baby shower. No big. I don't have a registry either. Yeah, that's just how the cookie crumbles..." That would be so weird. 

    I think you are one of the more mature people on here who are not having a shower...that I have seen anyways!  I agree w/ PP, go ahead and registry. I'm sure people will send gifts anyways. Good Luck and H&H 9 months to you!



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  • rhubarb123rhubarb123 member

    I didn't read the other posts but I would certainly do a registry.  It is nice to have when people ask, plus it is a list for youself of things you really need, plus the bonus is a savings when you buy things yourself.

    Is your mom around?  If so, I would send everyone to her...ask her if you are having a shower.  Liike you said, just tell them that as far as you know you are not having a shower but they can contact your mom and ask if she knows.  Have YOU asked your mom or your sister/SIl, etc?  I couldn't stand not knowing.  Are surprise showers usual in your family/area?

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  • MrsMincksMrsMincks
    imagerhubarb123:

    I didn't read the other posts but I would certainly do a registry.  It is nice to have when people ask, plus it is a list for youself of things you really need, plus the bonus is a savings when you buy things yourself.

    Is your mom around?  If so, I would send everyone to her...ask her if you are having a shower.  Liike you said, just tell them that as far as you know you are not having a shower but they can contact your mom and ask if she knows.  Have YOU asked your mom or your sister/SIl, etc?  I couldn't stand not knowing.  Are surprise showers usual in your family/area?

    Surprise showers are occasionally norm. Most people aren't surprised, but I know a few people who have been. My mom had told me up front that she couldn't throw a shower, which is fine - money and time are a huge issue, and she has been so amazing with everything else I would feel guilty if she threw me a shower on top of it! I haven't asked my in-laws because they're in the middle of planning a wedding out-of-state for my other SIL :-D

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  • AliciaS1411AliciaS1411 member
    I ended up having this exact same issue with our wedding. No one threw a shower, but EVERYONE was asking where we registered. I just gave them the answer. we ended up with a ton of gifts at the actual wedding. So far no one has offered to throw a shower, but people have asked about registries. so I'm assuming it will work that way this time around. 
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  • kate31203kate31203
    We are on baby number 3 and not planning on anyone throwing us a shower however we are going to register.  It gives you a chance to make a list of things you need so when you go into the store to buy them you're not forgetting things.  Also the coupons they give you for what you didn't buy and some stores give you a gift for registering with them. 
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  • KarmBKarmB member

    Register or you might get 7 carseats. Im sure you remember registering for the wedding stuff. how many duplicates did you get? plus registry stalking is fun.

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  • MrsMincksMrsMincks
    imageKarmB:

    Register or you might get 7 carseats. Im sure you remember registering for the wedding stuff. how many duplicates did you get? plus registry stalking is fun.

    Ha! I was such a stalker for my wedding registry...it was like a disease.  

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  • varkeyrvarkeyr

    imageEastCoastBride:
    A registry actually has nothing to do w/ a shower.  if you want to register- do so.  Clearly people still want to get you gifts, so go register for what you want/need.  Then when people ask, say "no shower that I know of, but I'm registered at ___."

    This is the way to go. You don't sound like you are gift grabby and you are being truthful about the shower.

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