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Postpartum Depression
authorofdreamz
member
I need help..
authorofdreamz
member
I posted on here about 4 weeks ago and got some really great responses encouraging me to call my doctor so I did but was told it was too early (2 weeks PP) and that they wouldn't discuss PPD until at least my PP checkup. Well I had my PP checkup last week and I was all prepared to say something about it. I thought it was with an OB I liked and felt comfortable talking to, I had FI watch DD in the waiting room so that I would feel more comfortable talking about it and then the OB walks in and it's someone that I've never met before and it completely threw me off and I froze and wasn't able to say anything. At the end she asked if I was feeling down at all and I said a little she asked if I wanted to talk to a social worker about it and I said I thought I'd be okay and left. And now I don't know what to do, who to talk to, or what to say. I thought I could do it then but then everything got messed up and now I don't know. I'm not good at talking about things especially about how I feel and I'm so afraid to tell anyone the things I think and feel because they're so horrible and what if they tell me it isn't PPD and I'm just a terrible bad person?
I need help. It's getting worse. I'm so miserable and I don't know what to do. DD is so beautiful and I feel so lucky to have her and yet she'd probably be better off without me.
If anyone reads this could you please answer a few questions?
How did you know you needed help?
Who did you tell?
What did you say? (You don't have to go into detail just generally how you approached it.)
What did they do/say? (again you can be general.)
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Re: I need help..
How did you know you needed help? I couldn't stop crying, felt very sad and already suffer from depression. I would also lose my cool easily and freak out.
Who did you tell? I've been for help before but I guess I looked terrible when I bought my DS for a visit at his pedi and all the doc has to say is are you doing okay and I started crying and said no actually!
What did you say? I told him exactly how I was feeling.
What did they do/say? He happened to have just attended a conference on PPD and said give me a minute and came back with a phone number. It was a coincidence but he was very happy he decided to go to the conference.
I would never tell someone how to feel but please, you are not alone. At least you recognize something isn't right and you want to get some help to fix it. I am doing fairly well now and just have my regular depression sometimes. For me thank goodness a lot had to do with my hormones. I had an amazing pregnancy and had never felt so good in my whole life. It did take 39w4d to carry baby and 30 minutes to get him out and feel that my mind didn't catch up quick enough with my body - if that makes sense.
Being a new mom and having to be so responsible for a brand new life is a lot to grasp as well.
Two thinks that might help you - 1 - you can call your OB office and say that you think you might have PPD and if they can recommend you to someone or 2 - if you have insurance, call them or look online for someone specializing in PPD. I hope this helps. Please feel free to PM me and we can talk more.
How did you know you needed help? I was feeling disconnected with my child, my husband, and even the weather outside.(yeah weather, go figure)
Who did you tell? First I talked to my mom, who is in the medical industry and has also been a great supporter in my life. I also told my DH, because he was noticing how frustrated I was.
What did you say? (You don't have to go into detail just generally how you approached it.) I told her I felt like crap, and that I wanted to quit, give up, toss in the towel, and run away from everything.
What did they do/say? (again you can be general.) She said see a Dr right away, because depression is already a problem in the family, and that wanting to quit could and would translate to suicidal tendancies if left untreated.
How did you know you needed help? I simply could not (can not) stop crying. Every time I looked at DD, I burst into tears cause I was afraid something would happen to her. I panicked all night, every night.
Who did you tell? First DH, then my counselor, then called for psychiatrist appointment. Also told OB.
What did you say? (You don't have to go into detail just generally how you approached it.) I told them about how I hadn't been able to stop crying about DD growing up, how I was constantly panicking to the point of full-on panic attacks, and that I was completely overwhelmed with my emotional/mental state
What did they do/say? (again you can be general.) My DH, counselor, and OB were super supportive and have helped a lot. My psychiatrist (see post be,ow) was not as supportive, and I have another appointment next week during which things either need to change, or I need a new doc!
You are definitely taking the right steps, and it is so frustrating when it is hard to find support. I am sorry that your OB office did not take your issues seriously at 2 weeks PP. I totally understand your fears, but if/when you find a good doctor, they will definitely not think you are a horrible person.
Some ideas: 1. Call your OB office and see if you can get an appointment with the OB you feel comfortable with. 2. Like PP said, if you have insurance, go to their website, they will usually have a list of providers who accept the insurance (counselors, doctors, etc). Finding someone to talk to would be great! 3. If you don't have insurance, call a local human service agency, they will be able to help with your options. 4. If you work, your company may have an employee assistance program that can connect you with a therapist who can help. 5. Try your family doctor if your OB falls through- they may be able to refer you as well.
Hang in there mama. It isn't easy by any means, but you are already doing the best thing you can by reaching out. I hope you find some answers soon!
How did you know you needed help? I just don't feel ok. Fits of anger/rage, followed by guilt and depression that DS and DH deserve better than me...rinse and repeat, that's my days.
Who did you tell? Started with DH although it was already obvious to him that there was an issue. At my 6 week PP appointment I was like you OP--there was a new MW on so I froze. I said I had been feeling sad but definitely didn't get into the extent of the issues. I then made an appointment with my primary care physician and spilled all the beans. It felt really good.
What did you say? (You don't have to go into detail just generally how you approached it.) I told her exactly how I am feeling. I didn't lie, I didn't sugarcoat...I want to get better so for me it makes sense to be honest. I find it easier to not make eye contact so I looked at the computer behind her head the whole time.
What did they do/say? (again you can be general.) Well my primary care physician was very nice and supportive. First when she walked in she was just making small talk with me to get me to feel comfortable, then we started talking about it and she was really nice. She said she could tell I was a good mom and that was really helpful for me because one of my big fears about getting help was that people would think I was a craptastic mom or that I should have my baby taken away. She is also very pro-breastfeeding so that is awesome for me. I have an appointment with a counselor to rule out bipolar before she can start me on meds. The counselor is going to see me today--my appointment with my primary care was this morning. She is also referring me to a psychiatrist that I can see for talk therapy and continuation of my medication. Overall I am so happy I got the courage to step up and get help.
Breastfeeding and pregnant!
How did you know you needed help?
I was crying every day, I closed myself up in the bathroom and my kids were outside one in the pack and play and the other in a babyproof area and both screaming over and over and over and over. I couldn't handle it. I felt like I couldn't take care of them in the way they needed. Even though I was in sync with feedings play and care. I would panic in public and would not go out without my husband.
Who did you tell?
First I told my best friend, then my husband and then the doctor who was NOT my OB. I felt backwards and a little like she would think I was crazy but told her about the crying and feeling of helplessness (I didn't go into detail) and she made an appointment with my regular OB for the next week and gave me a RX for zoloft. I spilt out everything for my OB, she was wonderful and made my recovery so much better.
What did you say? (You don't have to go into detail just generally how you approached it.)
I just want to lock myself up for hours and cry, sleep and I have no interest in ANYTHING. I know I am a good mom but have moments (Hours/days) where I can't do anything. I felt like something bad was going to happen to the kids and I couldn't do anything about it. What if she stopped breathing, what if I drop her, what if... (things that didnt bother me with my first child)
What did they do/say? (again you can be general.)
We can do this. Are you feeling like you might hurt yourself or the babies? If not then lets keep on the zoloft for six weeks and we will see how you are doing then. If you have problems call me and I will get back to you as soon as I can. (Heck this woman is a saint in my book.)
YOU CAN DO THIS! Why not give your doctors office a call and have your doctor get back to you. If she or he has an email why not try that with what you just told us?