Infertility shrunk my dream family

BethanyB2609 · January 2012

Before realizing the trouble we would have trying to get pregnant, DH and I talked about having 3-4 children. We are both from small families with each only 1 brother. I always felt that myself and my brother weren't enough and I would like to have a larger family. Now that infertility has plagued my life, I find myself praying for just 1 baby. At this point, I can't even picture myself with anymore than 1 child. I can't imagine going through this a second time to try for another child if I am blessed with 1. I guess just like the pain of labor maybe the pain of infertility eventually fades from your memory once you are holding your baby. But right now, the pain/frustration is fresh in my mind. IF has ruined my dreams of a large family. How many children did you hope for before you realized you would have TTTC?? How many children do you want now that you suffer from IF?

weddinginbloom · January 2012

That's a good way to put it, shrunken dreams. I too feel limited in how big of a family I can dream of right now. Like I'll be lucky if I have one child. Of course, that just makes me want more! It sucks to feel so limited in our potential future but we just have to learn to deal with the present, I guess... Still, it doesn't make dreaming any fun anymore.

Lightdrwr · January 2012

DH and I want one. SO, IF might actually end up making our family larger if we end up with multiples from treatment. We also might consider a sibling set if we would end up adopting from foster care.

SteFizzRich · January 2012

DH and I are both from large families (6+ children on both sides). We have always dreamed of 3 children, a nice in between. Even with our IF stuggles, I'm not ready to give up hope to have 3. Maybe it's nieve, but I keep saying to myself that the first one is the hardest. In addition, I have just always dreamed of at multiple children both natural and adopted. DH also has several adopted siblings and neices. I could definitely see us adopting if necessary to add to our family.

lisagab26 · January 2012

DH and I were just talking about this. I always wanted 4!! It makes me sad that my dream has shrunk...and as time goes by it seems to shrink more and more. I will feel lucky with 1 and am still very hopeful that one day we have 3...(trying to stay positive )

I hate that IF has taken the fun out of "dreaming" about our future family. The excitement I used to feel has been replaced with anxiety.

eponine7682 · January 2012

Yes, I completely understand. Both DH and I are only children. I always wanted to marry a man with a lot of siblings because I feel like I missed out on not having any of my own. But, ya can't help who you fall in love with, lol! Seriously though, sometimes it upsets me that we have no siblings so I have always wanted to have more then 1. While I am still determined to have more then just a singleton, I know that may not be possible and it is upsetting. However, the more I wait the more I just let that dream of 2 or more kids slip away. I know I will be happy and blessed with one, but it is that thought that IF has changed within me.

Mrs_Liberto · January 2012

We used to want four. We'll be grateful if we have one.

ellephunt · January 2012

Mrs_Liberto:
We used to want four. We'll be grateful if we have one.

This is how we are too.

sunshine823 · January 2012

we wanted 2 or 3, but now just struggle for 1. I too dont think i could go through all of this again

tombomb84 · January 2012

At this point we are still hoping for 2-3 children and I am not going to let IF crush that dream. My RE tells me all the time that a lot of people's bodies change after they give birth and she finds that many people can get pregnant naturally or with less aggressive treatments after they have their first child. I hope that she is right!

farmerlynda · January 2012

DH has always wanted 2, I have always wanted 3. Now I just feel like it will all depend on the result of this IVF cycle. If it takes, and we have frosties... then we'll continue fighting about 2 versus 3.

But if not, I honestly don't know if I can go through IVF again.

nuchiao · January 2012

We originally wanted 3. I'm still hoping we'll be able to have 2.

kellygksu · January 2012

DH and I each have one sibling, and always wanted to have 2 kids so that they could (hopefully) have a similar close relationship with each other. I was adamant about not having an only child. Now I'll be thrilled to get just one.

limpetfan · January 2012

MH always wanted 3, I wanted 2... now we'll be psyched if we are lucky enough to just have 1.

tgreenf · January 2012

tombomb84:
At this point we are still hoping for 2-3 children and I am not going to let IF crush that dream. My RE tells me all the time that a lot of people's bodies change after they give birth and she finds that many people can get pregnant naturally or with less aggressive treatments after they have their first child. I hope that she is right!

This is what I am praying for! I realize it might be unrealistic but I have to hold on to some hope. DH and I talked about 4. But we are 32 now and at this point just really praying for one healthy baby!

lincoln79 · January 2012

i am still hoping for the three i had always envisioned, but have had the talk that we can probably only hope for one.

MsGMChick · January 2012

I always wanted 3, Dh always wanted 2.. I'm an only child and always missed having a sibling or someone to rely on. We've talked about this and we'll probably never really be able to do this again, so... if we end up with twins- we're done. If we have one, then I'll just not go back on birth control and hope within a few years something takes.

BabyDreams711 · January 2012

We really never wanted kids. We moved around for work and never were in one spot long enough to feel stable enough to think about wanting them. I always said "if I have an accident it has to be twins because I'm only giving birth once and do not want an only child." But I NEVER had the instinct, never thought "Oh how cute/sweet" when I saw babies. It was quite opposite! Then my FIL was killed at work in Feb of 2011 and us not being careful turned into full blown we want a baby and a family. There is so much to life and we would be awesome parents, it just finally clicked for us.

I would be happy with just 1 child, and I have said I don't want to go through any of this again... I have hope we will have a baby, would be ecstatic with twins! I keep in the back of my mind that women who do have problems, even PCOS do go on to have more children with less issues in getting pregnant with them.

SParkman80 · January 2012

I am one of five and have always wanted a large family myself. My dream was to have 4 children. I would still like to have at least two but honestly that dream seems to be asking a bit to much now. Once we have one, my husband has to go back on a different kind of medication that isn't good for his sperm count. I'll feel beyond blessed with one child though.

violetmarie61516 · January 2012

I have tried not to think about it this way. We still talk about how many children we want and IF hasn't crushed our dreamed yet. DH wants 3 and I have hopes of 4 or 5 biological but in all reality, we may not have 1 biological child. I still want to dream for now though. I do believe that in the future we will end up with more than one. I can see us adopting now. I couldn't before, but the idea is growing on me.

BethanyB2609 · January 2012

It seems that a lot of us are on the same page. Trying to hold out hope of hanging on to our dream, yet knowing the reality. On one hand I am angry that infertility can ruin ones dream of a large family. On the other, I am thankful for ART and adoption for giving us the chance to have a family even if it wasn't our "original" plan.

BabyDream, I am sorry to hear about your FIL.

kz's_girlygirl · January 2012

I completely relate to this. I am one of 4, and my dad is one of 8 so I grew up with tons of family always around. DH comes from a smaller family, but we always wanted to have 3 or 4 children.

Now that we know how difficult it is and will be in the future, we are hoping for one child at least. In my secret heart I hope we will have a miracle natural bfp somewhere down the road that will bless us with a larger family.

We had to have some discussions about how long we would pursue treatment before 1 child, whether we would do it again, how soon after 1st child, and for how long etc. Talk about family planning

sarah_e87 · January 2012

While I know that IF has realistically affected the number of biological children that I'll be able to carry and deliver, part of me (the part of me that still has faith in God) hopes to still be able to have the large biological family that I have always dreamed of. I have always wanted at least 6 children. When DH and I were dating and started into our premarrital counciling, the question of children quickly came up. We both wanted (and still want) 6 of our own, in addition to any foster/adopted children that God chooses to bless our life with. While we still want the same large family we have always wanted, I am trying to come to terms with the possibility of only having 1 or 2 biological children and then as DH puts it, "take in lots of stray children".

tatercater · January 2012

I've always wanted at least 3 but more like 4. Like you said, now I'm praying and wishing and hoping that one day I can have ONE baby!

Temp556193750005695 · January 2012

DH is the oldest of 3 and I'm an only. So, he wanted 3 kids and I wanted 1, maybe 2 kids --depending on how the first one turned out! However, now that we are dealing with IF, I think we both will be happy with just one happy healthy baby.

phishgirl29 · January 2012

While DH and I only want 2, going though this experience with him has made me actually want more like 4! I can't wait to have 1 and it consumes so much of my live and days, but at the same time, I will never go back on birth control pills and after (if) we get our 1, I secretly hope that we go for more just because we know what it took to grow our family.....

This is all dependent on conceiving 1 child....sigh ;(

ycristina84 · January 2012

This whole process is all made up of shrunken dreams. I am beginning to think that the dream of actually carrying my child won't happen. I will be a mother, just possibly in a different way. I always knew as child I would have difficulty having children (I had said it for years and years) but the plan/dream has always been 5 kids. But now I would gladly take one happy & HEALTHY bio child. Adoption is written in the stars for us but we can't quite afford it at the moment, so I will keep holding on to the 5 children dream, while I prepare for a more realistic 1 or 2.

Wish Upon A Star · January 2012

DH was an only child- he always wanted just one. I could never imagine having only one- so after years of conversations, I finally got him to agree to two. We were both on board..... Well, after all of this I would be OVERJOYED with one, but I guess I am hoping for a miracle.

happilyeverafterxo · January 2012

Awww, hugs, sweetie. I can totally relate.

I've always wanted 4 children. I've had my heart set on that number since High School. I feel the exact same way you do - with as much trouble as we are having TTGP with one child...I get anxious and depressed thinking that I might only be able to have one. It's a scary thought.

Lots of people have gone through treatments on more than one occasion though, so just try to keep your spirits up!

Hugs!

ETA: It's even scarier to think we might not be able to have any...but we will never give up!

BethanyB2609 · January 2012

happilyeverafterxo:
Awww, hugs, sweetie. I can totally relate.
I've always wanted 4 children. I've had my heart set on that number since High School. I feel the exact same way you do - with as much trouble as we are having TTGP with one child...I get anxious and depressed thinking that I might only be able to have one. It's a scary thought.
Lots of people have gone through treatments on more than one occasion though, so just try to keep your spirits up!
Hugs!
ETA: It's even scarier to think we might not be able to have any...but we will never give up!

I LOVE your attitude honey! You are right, we won't give up. ((HUGS))

Cmartin6706 · January 2012

I'm not going to lie...I want a football team worth plus a loaded bench. My wife thinks that four is a big family, but I think she is coming around to my count. Wink

We both always wanted to adopt and have recently talked about adopting a sibling group through foster care. We really, really want to have the experience of being pregnant, but if that is not what God has planned for us, we will adopt every kid we find.

As of right now, we agree (although I get tired off trying when I'm frustrated with IF) that we will transfer our remaining 6 frosties 2 at a time and if we need to we will do at least one more ER. My wife feels like she can do that.

We have also talked about if we get a baby out of these remaining 6 or the next set, going with adopted embryos, but that's down the road much farther....behind fostering and domestic adoption likely.

BethanyB2609 · January 2012

Cmartin6706:
I'm not going to lie...I want a football team worth plus a loaded bench. My wife thinks that four is a big family, but I think she is coming around to my count.
We both always wanted to adopt and have recently talked about adopting a sibling group through foster care. We really, really want to have the experience of being pregnant, but if that is not what God has planned for us, we will adopt every kid we find.
As of right now, we agree (although I get tired off trying when I'm frustrated with IF) that we will transfer our remaining 6 frosties 2 at a time and if we need to we will do at least one more ER. My wife feels like she can do that.
We have also talked about if we get a baby out of these remaining 6 or the next set, going with adopted embryos, but that's down the road much farther....behind fostering and domestic adoption likely.

Can I just say that I think your wife is very lucky to have such an involved and supportive husband. Goodluck to you two!!

buckeyebaby814 · January 2012

My husband and I both wanted at least 2 children, but ideally we wanted 3. I figured since I'd spent 99% of my adult life TTA, getting pregnant would be easy. In my case, I can get pregnant, I just can't get past 5.5 weeks. Since dealing with IF and loss, we are praying for just one healthy baby! Who knows how this may change (and I'm sure it will), but we're 100% committed to doing whatever it takes to get baby #1 and letting things 'just happen' for any subsequent children.

I love my husband more than anything, but while our marriage has been amazing, since we've gotten married, we've experienced nothing but heartbreak in the TTC department.

DoubleBubble08 · January 2012

nuchiao:
We originally wanted 3. I'm still hoping we'll be able to have 2.

Same.

CGoldman96 · January 2012

I have always wanted two or three. DH never wanted any more than two. My dreams have not changed, but I realize now that they may not be my biological children.

Mrs.Slick · January 2012

We always talked about 2-3.

maggie2324 · January 2012

IF has not shrunk my dream family yet, just delayed it. I want four children (maybe 5...). My 'plan' was to have all 4 by age 30. It was supposed to be at ages 23, 25, 28, 30. Ha! I was so naive thinking I could make that decision.

I still want 4, but it won't be by age 30 unless I have multiples. I'm not doing the back-to-back thing (unless it happens spontaneously as we obviously won't use BC).

Jenn is Silly · January 2012

We both want 3 children. We agreed to try for a biological child but if we end up adopting again, so be it. We have our limits though and have set a boundary of how far we'll pursue a biological child. If we have 3 adopted children- so be it!

I can tell you from this side, when we were faced with treatments or adoption right before getting the call I was in a very dark place. With our daughter and a positive adoption experience behind me my faith is renewed in the thought of enduring treatments- but ask me again in 6-12 months after POS every month (if I can even O) and my answer might look different.

Gregermis · January 2012

both DH and I wanted 2.... I am pretty sure that we will still have 2 even if one or both winds up being adopted.

Jezebell26 · January 2012

This is the main reason we are not opposed to multiples. Im hoping for twins and would take trips. If we have a singleton successfully i may consider a FET if i had snowbabies. I am not sure what would happen after we use all 4 IVF attempts.

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