An unexpected development... very long
JMay
member
Last night I was not in a happy place. My beta call was painful, as I knew it was really my last treatment cycle. While I've only been with this new RE a short time, I've been TTC #2 for over 3 years now. We've tried a host of natural treatments, herbs, acupuncture, TIFC, 4 rounds of clomid, 5 rounds of femara and 1 femara + trigger. I've had 3 REs tell me that while I can do IUI, there's not much benefit given my issues, and that the best option is to move forward to IVF. Many of you who have known me a while know that I tend to lean toward more natural treatments for anything - while IVF is a wonderful option for many, it's just not right for our family.
Feeling like I have no options has been one of the most difficult parts of this journey. My DH has not been open to IVF or adoption, which means that when my treatment ends, so does any chance to complete our family.
I had to let DH know about the negative through a text yesterday. That sucked, but I couldn't really talk, and he was in meetings all day, but wanted the news asap. I was hurt that he did not take the time to call me for over two hours. When he did call, it was to tell me he was going to go out and watch a sports game at a bar/resturant. He never, ever, ever goes out, so I was shocked and hurt at his poor timing. He said that he had no idea how to help me feel better, and he needed time to think. I was hurt, but said ok.
When he finally came home, he was a bit withdrawn, but we were still able to talk. And then the most amazing thing happened: He said he might be willing to consider adoption!!!
I was not expecting this. At all. Each time I've brought it up, he's freaked. But of course, this whole thing freaks him out. He's never been able to get beyond the fact that "natural" isn't going to happen for us. But when now faced with a choice, he's letting adoption cross his mind.
This is very, very new for him. Even when he started talking he said "I don't think I have the capacity to adopt" - he's afraid he won't feel the same love for an adopted child. I think / hope that is a natural thought to have when making the decision to adopt. But the fact that he's even thinking about how he would feel is such a huge step. And don't get me wrong, I have many fears about adoption too, but I've always been more open to the idea.
His only request is that we get more settled before formally looking into anything. He just finished his masters degree and started a new job in June, and we're still in an apartment looking for a house. It makes sense to me to wait until we're in a house and he's been at his job over a year. In the meantime, I can do research and maybe we can attend some information sessions.
I can't tell you what weight this has lifted from my shoulders. My whole goal in life has been to create a warm, loving family, and to have a table full of happy, well-adjusted family at Thanksgiving. I want to share our blessings with our children, no matter how they come to us, and release into the world individuals who are moral and good contributors to society. If adoption is the method through which that dream can be realized, I couldn't be happier.
I will not "prevent" things right away, but I will no longer be seeking any treatment. I will continue to follow TIFC, and I will probably still be on prometrium every other month. I think I will not temp any more - all it tells me month after month is that PCOS makes charting useless. I will continue to hope for a miracle - I can see adopting a sibling group and then getting pg naturally - wouldn't that be a wonderful thing?
Here's to hope, miracles, and opening doors once thought to be locked!
"Just keep swimming, just keep swimming..."
Miracle DD born 12.2005
TTC #2 since Dec 2008 w/ PCOS
***P/SAIF Always Welcome***
Keep it Natural, Baby!
Re: An unexpected development... very long
This so good that you DH is starting to consider other options!! I am praying all goes well and you both are happy with whatever is to come! Adoption is a wonderful thing and there are SO many wonderful children out there that need wonderful loving homes like yours!! I just know you will make a wonderful Mommy someday soon! remember to take each day one at a time and remember we are here for you to support you! best of luck to you and your family! Im so glad you Dh is coming around!!
((HUGS))
Oh, Jenna! This is fantastic news! Isn't it amazing how our DH's can amaze us when we least expect them to? I am just so happy for you. It is so great when a couple can team up together. Please keep us updated! I am so happy for you!
---------Game Over---------
Moving on as a family of 3
Lou's Infertility News
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This is great news! I am so happy that he is opening himself up to other options! I agree that probably many parents have the worry that they won't love another child as much as the first, adopted or not. DH had/has this same worry, even about a biological child.
I'm sure this is a huge load off your shoulders. I look forward to hearing more!
That is awesome. We have moved on to adoption as well, although we are still TTC while we wait. If you have any questions about the process, feel free to PM me. We are a waiting family with 2 different agencies at this time.
While my DH never outright said he would NEVER adopt, it took him almost a year after we were told that conceiving again would be very unlikely to accept it and feel ready to move on to adoption. He also had the same fears about not being able to love an adopted child the same, but then suddenly it was like a switch was flipped and he became very open and excited about adopting.
I can so relate to what you are saying about wanting a table full of happy, well-adjusted family at Thanksgiving. That is all I have ever wanted.