Lost my first

honeybee2280 · December 2011

I'm heartbroken and I am not sure how to begin to cope. My baby wasn't planned but it was very much wanted. He's been comforting me, but hasn't said anything else since it started 24 hours ago.

When does the bleeding stop? How about the tears?

chrisleath · December 2011

Its different for everyone. I miscarried at 8 weeks and the bleeding was bad for about 2 days then it was just the annoying spotting until I bleed heavily a month later. I did not pass everything the first time around. I bled more the second time than the first. I hope you do not go through this. Your dr will want to watch you hcg levels. My husband has not said much about my miscarriage. I know he is dealing with it in his own way. U fortunately this has been something we have been dealing wiht the past month. He doesnt say anything because he knows it wont change what it happening. I say we cant go through this together if I dont know what he is going through. My advice would be to talk to him. I guarantee he feels something about whats going on. I know my husband feels like he needs to be strong for me. But i have everyone on this board who are a huge help to me, he doesnt have anything like this but the thoughts in his head. Just talk to him to see how he is feeling. As for the bleeding, everyone is different. And the tears. Just remember you are grieveing a loss. There is no time limit t that. I have been ok for 45 days and today I was set off and havent been able to deal. Its different for everybody. You take as long as you need to grieve the loss. There is no time limit. Hope this helps and I hope the new years brings some happiness to you!

RedRose84 · December 2011

I'm so sorry for your loss. I don't know how long the bleeding lasts, because I had a D&C. I do know everyone is different. It will get easier with time. Allow yourself time to grieve. Please know we are here for you. **Hugs**

panacea05 · December 2011

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I had a natural miscarriage last month, and I bled for a week, with the bulk of the clots and tissue passing in a 3-hour period. I spotted for an additional week. Everybody's experience is different, though. I hope the physical part is over for you very soon.

As far as the tears... it takes time. I've reached a point where I only get teary once in a while. The full-blown sob fests stopped after about 2.5 weeks. Give yourself time. You've just said good-bye to your baby, and you need to let yourself grieve. {hugs}

LLS1215 · January 2012

So sorry to hear you're having a hard time. If you feel up to it, try to start a conversation and talk about it. If you're not ready, wait until you are. Take one day at a time, cry if/when you need to, and don't try to rush yourself into being "ok".

pinktrojanbride120107 · January 2012

So sorry that you're going through this.

I started bleeding Friday, 12/23 and though the worst of it happened in a few hours on the 24th, I'm still bleeding some today. Everyone has a difference experience and will grieve differently. I hope that you can find some comfort soon.

MamatoA2010 · January 2012

I'm so sorry for your loss. I too lost my first baby to m/c at about 6 weeks along but went on to have a healthy DD born in January 2010. I still grieve over my m/c and wonder if the baby was a boy or girl. I was way too early for them to tell me. I am doing ok today but I still think about the baby I lost. He/She will always be special to me. HUGS!

honeybee2280 · January 2012

Thank you for the support. I'll be seeing the OB tomorrow, as I've only been seen by ER docs so far. Physically, it's a little easier. Emotionally, I'm still mostly numb. It all feels like a bad dream still and I'm plodding through each day even though they feel like an eternity. He and I are talking more. I've sent a message to the few family members and friends that knew I was expecting, but haven't talked to anyone but my sister and mom yet. Perhaps now that the holidays are over, I can at least get into a work routine that will bring some normalcy.

BeRob1 · January 2012

I'm so sorry for you loss

I m/c with my first recently at about 6 weeks. It was the hardest thing I've ever been through, and only those that have been through it themselves can relate. I bled heavy w/clotting the first 2 days, then still bled pretty heavy for about 6. That stopped, then the tears a few weeks later. I only cry intermitently now when I'm feeling extra emotional. Stay strong, you'll get through it!! I know it's hard, but for whatever reason something wasn't right.

edinger3 · January 2012

I also just lost my first baby (12/28/11). I was 11w 4d, but the baby was only 10w 3d & no heartbeat on the ultrasound. My husband & I went in for an NT screening & we were told during the screening that the heartbeat was not present. We were so excited to see our baby again, but then after seeing the growth of our baby since our 1st US, it seemed like 100 people had sucker punched me all at once. I went into complete shock & have been crying since.

The tears will stop when you're ready for them to stop. If you feel the need to cry, just cry. If you know of anyone who has gone through miscarriage, try to call them & talk. I'm fortunate enough to have my sister-in-law & husband's cousin to talk to.

The bleeding is different for everyone. I'm one week after my D&C & am still bleeding. If you're not sure, you should call your doctor's office. That's what I'm doing tomorrow.

Finally, for your husband...my husband has been reacting pretty much the same way. He is there for me whenever I need him & he's been a HUGE pillar of support. I think he is just going through his own grieving process. You just have to remember that communication, love, support & understanding between you & your husband are critical to endure this pain.

I hope things work out for you & your husband. As I've been told (by women who have suffered miscarriages), it takes time to heal these wounds. You will never forget this baby, but the pain will eventually lessen.

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