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It looks like I'll be a single mom

HattieLoveHattieLove member
in Single Parents

I wanted to post this earlier but I guess I was hoping it wouldn't continue to be true. The day after Christmas SO and I got in a huge fight and he packed up and left. It's been completely awful ever since. I hate going to childbirth classes and OB appointments without him and I'm so scared of doing this alone.

It was my fault he left, and there's nothing I can do about it. I've been so unbearably sad, I just don't know what to do. I want to make it up to him and show him how much I love him but he's not willing to give it another chance.

I'm due in six weeks and I'm so so sad that we're bringing our daughter into a broken home. I thought I was about to have a perfect happy family but instead it's full of hurt and guilt and pain.

Any advice would be very welcome. Please.

(also posted on the February 2012 board)

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Re: It looks like I'll be a single mom

  • LoveyFNRLoveyFNR member

    Why do you blame yourself and say it's your fault?

    Sounds like a typical statement is a very manipulative relationship. He threw a fit and stormed out of the house and refuses to come back to his pregnant SO yet you say it's all your fault and begin taking on the blame.

    What was the fight about? How did it start? Was your relationship in a downward spiral even before this incident? I can't really give you too much advice right off what you posted. But he sounds childish and immature and like he was looking for an excuse to get out.

    The day after Christmas also was only one week ago. It is surely possible to patch things up if they are fixable issues. You are sure to feel the hurt and pain still as it is still very fresh.

    And sometimes bringing your child into a broken home is better than bringing them into a seemingly "perfect" family with a ton of underlying issues. 

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  • PrettyInPearls23PrettyInPearls23 member
    imagetifanico:

    It might be that he was manipulating her OR it might actually be her fault! 

    We are kind of used in this board to always say its the BD?s fault but we have to remember that there are two people in the relationship.

    I can honestly say that my failed relationship was my fault too. Not entirely but being honest to yourself, its a huge step in the right direction.  

    I have to agree with this. While my XH was having an affair, I wasn't the ideal wife either. I forgot to keep romance in our marriage and I put our son and his needs before those of my XH on a regular basis. We became roommates. Know XH's past, I don't think that alone drove him to cheat, but I'm sure it had something to do with it. Thankfully I've taken the time to heal and reflect and I see now that it's not MY fault he cheated and left.

    Even though my XH's faults were severe in the demise of our marriage, I don't forget that I wasn't perfect either. Thankfully I've learned from that experience and make every effort to keep the spark alive in my current relationship.

    OP -- While it's easier said than done, try not to blame yourself. When you've had time to heal and move on with your new life, learn from what happened.

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