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August 2012 Moms
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Open Letter to No One.

trying4babyhuntertrying4babyhunter member
in August 2012 Moms
I'm writing this mostly to get it out of my own head but just in case someone out there is feeling the same way or has any experience/advice.

My whole life I've dreamt of being a wife and a mother and when I married my husband over a year and a half ago, half my dream was realized.  After some alone time together, I wanted to get pregnant.  My husband and I agreed that we were ready and it was exhilarating and exciting to start trying.  
 
Then we got our BFP.
 
I was confused my by initial reaction: panic, terrified, crying, unsure.  I expected to be giddy, joyful, and jumping out of my skin with excitement.

I thought that it was just the shock and that the good stuff would come soon enough. Almost 4 weeks later and as hard as it is to admit, I'm still feeling overwhelmed and I hate to say it, sad.  Maybe sad isn't the right word... But I definitely don't feel right.  And it doesn't feel good.  I thought that maybe if I told some people (family) and they were excited, maybe I'd get excited too.  But that backfired.  People got excited and I just got more sad.  I can't pinpoint what it is; I can't explain it.  I feel like a horrible wife, mother, and person for thinking/feeling these things.

Please don't misunderstand me- I LOVE the little baby growing in me and I wouldn't change what's happening for anything.  I know how lucky I am and I know that my husband and I are blessed to be able to have children.  I can't even explain the difference in the love between me and my husband and I already feel like I'd do anything to protect this teeny life in me.  But those things don't match up with the other stuff.

I guess I'm just really confused.  I didn't expect to feel/react this way- this is the complete opposite of what I was expecting.  I feel horrible for not just being 100% excited especially since so many women would love to be (and stay) pregnant.

Confused,
AB
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Re: Open Letter to No One.

  • Merried_2008Merried_2008 member
    I think all emotions are completely normal right now. Your life is about to change in a way you can't even begin to understand. Plus you have so many hormones running through you right now it's redic! No worries, everything will gel! hugs
    "When the first baby laughed for the first time, the laugh broke into a thousand pieces and they all went skipping about, and that was the beginning of fairies." Sir James Barrie in Peter Pan

    DS: 11/1/2010    DD: 8/9/2012       #3: 4/2019
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  • makingroom43makingroom43 member

    imageMerried_2008:
    I think all emotions are completely normal right now. Your life is about to change in a way you can't even begin to understand. Plus you have so many hormones running through you right now it's redic! No worries, everything will gel! hugs

     

    Agree with the above, 100%.  Don't be so hard on yourself & try to enjoy the moments :) 

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  • JonesClanJonesClan
    I am a guy so I don't have the hormones thing working against me but I do understand the roller coaster your on. When we got our BFP it was the most exciting moment of my life. But I have felt times of sadness. not sure why. lots of questions went through my head. I wont be the ONLY one in my wifes life, I won't have as much money, I wont have the freedom I have now. But once I saw our first U/S I fell in love with that little life. I don't feel sad anymore. stress? oh yeah. but not a sad feeling.
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  • lea_ellislea_ellis
    This sounds just like me with my first!  I wanted to get pregnant.  My DH and I decided after we were married we wouldn't prevent it.  5 months later we were pregnant and I was terrified.  He was happy...me, not so much.  It took until after the first trimester for it to sink in that I was so lucky to have the opportunity to be a mom.  I had a loving husband and supportive family.  Once we heard the heartbeat for the first time, I couldn't wait to have my baby.  All that you are feeling is totally normal.  Don't feel like you are alone either.  Many women experience your same feelings.  I'm sure you'll start being a little more excited after you get past the first trimester.
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  • leanneandjesseleanneandjesse

    imageJonesClan:
    I am a guy so I don't have the hormones thing working against me but I do understand the roller coaster your on. When we got our BFP it was the most exciting moment of my life. But I have felt times of sadness. not sure why. lots of questions went through my head. I wont be the ONLY one in my wifes life, I won't have as much money, I wont have the freedom I have now. But once I saw our first U/S I fell in love with that little life. I don't feel sad anymore. stress? oh yeah. but not a sad feeling.

     

    I've just got to say that WOW, kudos for being on these boards!  My husband would never read these, I'm impressed!! :)

     

    And to the OP- I think you are just having a natural reaction.  I have up and down days.  Sometimes just pure scared.  Sometimes worry.  Its all normal.  You love your baby, and you're going to have a beautiful one, that's all that matters :)  Prayers that you start feeling better soon!  Chin up! :) 

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  • xilovenosxxilovenosx member

    I think the best advice I can give you is that your are completely NORMAL! :) Every pregnancy is different, and you may not have that super excited feeling now, or throughout the pregnancy.  And that is ok.  Once you hold that beautiful baby you will feel it all, and if you dont right away that is ok too.

    After I delivered my twins prematurely, they were rushed to the NICU.  I never got that moment of the baby on the chest or the immediate latch on to the breast.  I didnt get to hold them until several hours later.  After my stay in the hospital (2 nights) I had to go home with 2 empty car seats and no babies.  I remember feeling cheated, and questioned if I had a connection with my own children.  I waited, and once we got them home, I had my moment.  I felt truly connected, truly in love, it was wonderful.  I think we all feel differently at different moments being a parent.  Your baby knows you love him/her already. Try not to worry. :) 

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  • punkrockabyepunkrockabye member

    What you're feeling is so normal! Of course that doesn't make it feel any better, but it's still normal. Like others have said your life is about to change in ways that you cannot know until it happens--if that's not a scary thought to someone, I'd find it weird!

    We've felt the same way. We have wanted this so, so much, and we were overwhelmed with excitement when I got that BFP. But then came the worry. What if something happens? What if our baby is sick? We already have a hard time with money, with me still looking for a job and DH in grad school while working some; how will we manage? It's been just the two of us (and later our pets) for over 9 years now--we spent most of our time with each other as opposed to with other people while in high school, we were absolutely glued to each other throughout college (same major meant same classes), and we're just used to getting by on our own. Now we're going to have to work another person in there, and put them first no matter what.

    We're very happy, very excited, and we want this very much. We're also nervous and still surprised, and it's downright scary to think about sometimes. But as with all things, you make it work. If something is worth it to you, what needs to be done will be done and everything will work itself out. You're going to be someone's mom. That's all that truly matters!

    Our Squishy - 8/21/12
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  • nopegoatnopegoat member
    imageC_mo:

    I completely get what you're saying. I had been so excited to get pregnant again, and so excited for Wyatt to have a little brother or sister, and then when it happened I was happy, but also terrified. I have so many moments that I doubt our decision I can't even begin to tell you!

    Those feelings you are having are completely normal, and you shouldn't feel guilty about them. It's not just hormones, but also the weight of the life change you'll be going through in the next 9 months and beyond. It's a big deal, and to be honest, I think those who rarely question themselves are the tiny minority. 

    That being said, parenthood, regardless of it's challenges, is the most rewarding experience on earth. These little creatures make all these crazy hormones sooo worth it! 

     

    This exactly!! 

    Wife. Boy mom x6. Expecting #7. Wannabe homesteader.
    , 💙💙💙💙💙💙
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  • adrianLOadrianLO
    I felt the same way when I learned I was pregnant with my son.  It's a life changing thing. It's totally normal to be freaked out, or sad, or whatever.  You have plenty of time to get used to the idea that you're going to have a child.  For me, as my belly started to grow, and I felt my boy moving inside me I began to get more excited.
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  • trying4babyhuntertrying4babyhunter member
    THANK YOU.

    I was really feeling guilty and feeling like I was the only one in the world not 100% excited about being pregnant.  It's just not something people talk about or expect to hear from a pregnant person so I didn't say anything.... But I'm glad I did now! 

    You people ROCK.
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  • vivianmcvivianmc member

    After our first BFP and wanting it so badly in 2010 my first thought was, "What did we do?!?!?"  Then came the moderate worrying.  I'm wondering if that might be contributing to your feelings and you just aren't aware of it.  Women put such pressure on themselves to be great at everything and it starts from the moment you find out you are expecting, at least it did with me.

    The fact that you are aware of your emotions and care so much already tells me you will be a great mom and love that baby more than you can understand right now!

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