Mother of 2+ kids, I have a Q for you...

Athena0809 · January 2012

Does the second time around--or subsequent times feel easier?

The NB period kicked my a$$. The first 6 weeks were the most overwhelming, stressful thing ever! I really had a hard time, like really bad. It wasn't until past the 3 month mark that I felt I had a handle on things, but I don't want DS to be an only child. My pregnancy was textbook perfect and my L&D was super quick and easy that I'm also afraid the next pregnancy/delivery might not be as easy. Also, it really scares me to think I'd be going through this again plus taking care of a toddler who will demand his breakfast an his usual morning time whether I slept or not!

Basically, I have baby fever lol, we have been talking about when it would be a "good time" for us to try again but there are many factors to consider, my wusiness being one lol plus other things like me possibly going back to school, to nursing school, gaah!

This board is so slow right now that I figured I could ramble about my crazy thoughts... Stick out tongue

deo · January 2012

I only have one, I just wanted to comment that I have the same thoughts. We are thinking of trying for #2 in the spring and as that time is coming closer I can't help but think how the h*ll will I be able to handle 2? I had horrible morning sickness for the first 20 weeks. I barely had enough energy to get dressed or clean the house during that time let alone being able to chase after a toddler.

I think you just adjust and 2 kids will be your new normal. At least that's what I'm hoping for.

chatty6176 · January 2012

Yes, the second time around was alot easier. I think because it's not such a life changing event....you kind of know what to expect. The lack of sleep isn't a shock to your system. DS#2 was a better sleeper and all too. I was more laid back. It did help that DS#1 still went to daycare for the first month. (I am a teacher and his sitter watched him through the school year). That's my two cents!

Lisa102304 · January 2012

Second one was wayyyy easier. Agreed with PP, you know what to expect and the sleep deprivation doesn't shock you as much. Also, you gave up on doing everything "perfect" ages ago. You know that you do what you need to in order to survive - and to hell with doing what you "think" you should. I Also second guess myself a lot less and am not as influenced or affected by what others "say" their baby is doing or what I "should do".

However, it is not all roses either. It is HARD to care for two kids. Who's needs do you meet first? What happens when everyone is melting down? How in the frick do you put 2 kids to bed AND give them baths?!? lol. You figure it out, you ask for help, you manage. Your time alone is non-existent, even quick trips to the store take for freaking ever. Forget about doing anything quickly, and cleaning up toys? HA! Someone ALWAYS needs something from you!

But, watching them interact, snuggling in bed with both of them... All the good moments far outweigh the headaches.

iris427 · January 2012

The 2nd time has been so much easier! Night and day. I had a really hard time with my first, like you did. I went into #2 expecting it to be just as hard so low expectations help too.

carissa_danielle · January 2012

Lisa102304:

Second one was wayyyy easier. Agreed with PP, you know what to expect and the sleep deprivation doesn't shock you as much. Also, you gave up on doing everything "perfect" ages ago. You know that you do what you need to in order to survive - and to hell with doing what you "think" you should. I Also second guess myself a lot less and am not as influenced or affected by what others "say" their baby is doing or what I "should do".

However, it is not all roses either. It is HARD to care for two kids. Who's needs do you meet first? What happens when everyone is melting down? How in the frick do you put 2 kids to bed AND give them baths?!? lol. You figure it out, you ask for help, you manage. Your time alone is non-existent, even quick trips to the store take for freaking ever. Forget about doing anything quickly, and cleaning up toys? HA! Someone ALWAYS needs something from you!

But, watching them interact, snuggling in bed with both of them... All the good moments far outweigh the headaches.

I agree completely.

Edited.....
I do think the second is way easier than the first..... But I (and everyone else....) have to keep in mind that my girls are 4 years apart. Having a 4 yr old and and 8 month old is MUCH easier than a 1-2 yr old and an infant...... Some food for thought, maybe.

scaneiki · January 2012

Having a 17.5 month old and a newborn was hard, very hard. My first was easy and my DD has been an absolute handful. It is harder to care for two small children at the same time, but I wouldn't change it for anything.

My DD has been much harder to care for due to some ongoing medical issues, but I was more sure of my parenting skills the second time around and much more able to just go with the flow (not be the paranoid FTM). The sleepless nights are harder because my toddler was on a schedule and would wake up earlier than I would have liked

Lisa Frank · January 2012

It's easier, but it's not EASY Everyone else said the other things I'm thinking.

I think knowing what to expect makes a world of difference.

BabyBebe1 · January 2012

scaneiki:
Having a 17.5 month old and a newborn was hard, very hard. My first was easy and my DD has been an absolute handful. It is harder to care for two small children at the same time, but I wouldn't change it for anything.
My DD has been much harder to care for due to some ongoing medical issues, but I was more sure of my parenting skills the second time around and much more able to just go with the flow (not be the paranoid FTM). The sleepless nights are harder because my toddler was on a schedule and would wake up earlier than I would have liked

So much of this is exactly what I was going to say (except my older son has the medical issues). I have a 17 month age gap as well, and quite frankly, it totally kicked my butt for the first several months. For me, 2 was so much harder than 1. When you are in the the newborn stage and are getting up a lot with baby, you can't ever catch up and nap when they nap, because you are taking care of your toddler. That was quite a shock. I'd be up with baby at 2 and 5 and then need to be up for the day with my toddler at 7. No down time ever. There still isn't actually because they are on exactly opposite nap schedules and will be until the little guy moves to one nap around 18 months.

But the baby is easier the second time. Much easier. My DH and I always joke that people with one baby have it so good because toddlers are really the hard ones. Of course though, it's not like that for anyone when going through it. I think the biggest reason for me that it is easier is that I don't worry about all the little things like I did the first time. This baby refuses all baby food, just like my first son did. I freaked about it the first time, and tried and tried and tried. This time, I just thought 'oh well' and have moved on to toast pieces and cheerios and small fruit. Just an example, but I can think of many like that. Basically, you will have lots of good experience from your first that make it much easier with your second.

dbadura01 · January 2012

I am so scared for number 2 just because DS is such a good baby. No one can believe how good of a baby he is. I'm afraid number two will be a terror and I will be going through hell with two under two.

However, I'm not getting any younger (34) and I have MS...so I need to have a second one soon before anything would happen to my health (so far, so good). Therefore, I am finishing the last week of birth control now and then will be looking for number 2 soon.... sooooo scary!!!

Please let me know there's hope for 2 great babies!!!!

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