Would you... (re: spending time with inlaws, NBR)

laney75 · January 2012

take a weekend trip to the snow/mountains with your BIL and his wife and young baby if you weren't sure you like them that much? This is my husband's only brother. They aren't particularly close but they live nearby so we see them 1-2x a month. They are pretty different than us and we've had our share of personality clashes over the years. I am just finding that I don't always enjoy myself in their company for a variety of reasons. I can take them for a couple hours but we've done a weekend with them before and I wasn't a huge fan of how it went (we had a new baby and it was all about their needing to switch bedrooms, their schedule, them complaining about the skiing, etc). They just tend to be focused on themselves and ugh... I don't know. Me and my husband are pretty much in agreement on our feelings about them but for some reason he doesn't see a problem with going to the mountains with them for a weekend with all the kids. To me, it doesn't sound like too much fun but I do not want to hurt feelings (SIL brought it up). I don't mind hanging out with them for family stuff but actually would like to limit our social time with them... sometimes I feel like they are a negative influence on me.

Thoughts?

StatlerWaldorf · January 2012

I'm torn. If your kids were older, I would suck it up so they could have good memories with their aunt and uncle. But it seems like it would really suck. I had a heck of a time getting DD to sleep while we were on vacation which made her sleepy and miserable. The youngest is too young to ski and I wouldn't want to ski while pregnant anyway. What else is there to do where you are going?

Daisy77 · January 2012

My BIL and his wife a few years ago, maybe. Those same people now? Oh hell no.

They had a 5 year plan for after they got married. They had their first child right on schedule last spring. BIL is now a parenting expert and never fails to bring up that "he's the parent". You don't even need to question him for that nugget of wisdom to escape his all-knowing mouth. He's happy to volunteer it. Of course, with all that parenting wisdom he decides to lecture our 6 year old as though he was a grown adult.

littlemermaid · January 2012

Would you be skiing since you're pregnant? If you would be stuck in the lodge watching the kids then I would have to pass on this year's ski trip. If you still plan on skiing then I would say suck it up for your husband's benefit since it sounds like he really wants to go but make sure you have separate rooms. You could conveniently get a room in another part of the hotel. I've been skiing with other families and you aren't forced to hang with them, there are so many ways to ditch them.

Dr.Loretta · January 2012

I'd do a weekend once a year just so the kids could get together and you could have an excuse not to spend extended time with them the rest of the year.

MJCF · January 2012

I'd probably do a weekend which for me is 2 nights and 2 days. No more than that. And I would make sure DH understands that you aren't the built in baby sitter for everyone. It's just one weekend and it would make DH happy.

ENI36 · January 2012

I have a very similar relationship with my BIL and his wife (and they have a DS the same age as ours). I would not go. They asked us to go on a cruise with them and no way was I going to do that. BIL is the type to offer all kinds of parenting opinions if he sees you doing something other then what he would do. He is also really condescending at times. And he smells, haha (but really, it's gross!).

laney75 · January 2012

Ok thanks for the input. Yeah it would be 2-3 nights, max. We'd rent a house altogether (close quarters). Skiing wouldn't be on the list at all for me, obviously. It really would just be a trip to get up to the snow and enjoy the mountains. DH and kids may do sledding. (I know this sounds crazy for those of you that live in the snow!) We already agreed we wouldn't watch their daughter so they could go boarding all day. It's more the thought of being in a house with them for a weekend. They are both know-it-alls. They are self-centered and just ... not my favorite people.

On the other hand we were already thinking of going on a trip ourselves so if we did that without them once they already asked if we wanted to go together, they'd probably be pretty upset/hurt.

Ugh.

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