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January 2012 Moms
HaleyRae34
member
Feeling scared about L&D
HaleyRae34
member
Tonight DH and I went for a tour of L&D floor b/c our class doesn't do a tour until after my due date. I don't know what it was but being there in the rooms and walking through how things were going to go down made me really scared. I thought it would relax me and help me feel more in control but I think it did the opposite. I cried on the way home. I don't know what to think. I have a million questions in my head and just don't know if I can do it. So many unknowns. Any suggestions on how to deal with the fear? Words of wisdom? Resources to help you prepare mentally? Obviously a FTM 
Our Little One is Due January 25, 2012.
We were completely surprised with this pregnancy and it will be our first. We are "Team Green."
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Feeling scared about L&D
I think we all feel the same way (FTMs at least). I keep hoping and wishing that labor would come on but I know when it does hit I will be a maniac lol.
Reading birth stories on the December 2011 and this board have kind of helped me with what to expect. Maybe try that.
Good luck!
Relax, breathe, and remember, your instincts will take over.
I have been told that the more you relax and let your body take over, the easier it will be. I cannot say from experience because my first birth exp sucked. However, I know what I want this time around, and I am pretty sure you ladies do to.
Dont let unknowns, what ifs and needless worrys get to you.
What are your questions? perhaps we can all help ease your mind a bit?
Write down all your questions and then discuss them with your childbirth instructor, doctor or nurse at the hosptial to help put your mind at ease.
Do the same with your fears. Try and pinpoint exactly what you're afraid of. Fear of the unknown is very common. Try to remember that fear is False Evidence Appearing Real. Most things we fear never come to pass, however, it's best to address our fears so that we can have a game plan in place should something happen. My biggest fear is that I'll have to have a c/s. I have a plan in place should that happen and Hubby knows what my wishes are and can help make sure that my requests are followed.
Fear can increase pain during labor and in some cases it can even stop labor. Make sure you face your fears and get them under control before LO arrives.
Like the PP above said, if you have specific questions or fears let us know and maybe we can help.
Thanks SO much ladies! Your replies are encouraging and grounding. I can't sleep b/c my mind is racing so I thought I would go ahead and reply.
Our pregnancy was not planned at all, it was a total shock. I think since I found out I was pregnant it has seemed like a dream. Even getting everything ready around the house hasn't made it feel real. Tonight when we were in the hospital talking through the "procedure/process" it started to hit me. In some ways I fear my reactions to the pain and the overall process. I don't like to be overly emotional or show that I am in pain. (insecure would probably be a good word for it, I guess) I fear the change that will follow the birth. I know everyone says it is wonderful to have a baby but I love my husband/marriage now and fear that the transition and change will make things more difficult. My parents are currently going through a divorce and I fear having them both there and the drama that could bring. (I think I can look past them and their issues and focus on the baby, but IDK the divorce is still really hard on me even at 25 yr. old...technically the divorce hasn't even begun but it's all in the works) I don't know if I am really answering what my fears are but this is as close I can get right now. Going to journal to try to pinpoint more exactly what I am fearing.
Seriously thank you for your words it is so helpful to have support from FTM and second/third however many times moms! Much appreciated!
"Happiness is like a butterfly; the more you chase it the more it will elude you but if u turn your attention to other things it will come & sit softly on your shoulder."
BFP! 04/26/11 - DS born 12/28/11 - BFP #2! 04/02/13 - DD born 12/11/13 -
My Ovulation Chart
Bold #1:
Try to think of the pain of childbirth as pain with a purpose and remember that it's only temporary. I'm a FTM but in my Bradley class we were told that most women only have pain during the contractions and not the whole labor (back labor or a baby that's "sunny side up" can be a different story). You can get through 60-90 seconds of pain when you know that you'll have 3-4 mintues to relax before the next round. Also, as the pain increases so does your body's ability to deal with it. I don't know what your birth plan is but I'm planning on a natural birth w/out meds. I've taken classes and learned techniques to help me deal with the pain and will have my husband and mom there to support and encourage me.
Bold #2:
Accept that things will be different between you and your husband. Change/different does not = bad. Think of how awesome it's going to be watching your husband interact with your son and grow as a father. Things will change because you're now sharing your life with a new little person but there will now be so many new things to explore and discover together. Yes, there will be challenges and difficulties but that's just part of life and everyone goes through those times. Remember why you got married in the first place and make sure you do things without the baby so you have time to reconnect as a couple.
Bold #3:
Realize that you have no control over how your parents act towards each other. However, make it very clear before the birth that you will not tolerate them being rude/nasty to each other in your presence and if they start "acting up" you'll ask them to leave. Stick to your guns and follow through if something should occur. I'm sure in the future they'll both be at family gatherings (LO's birthday, holidays, special occasions) and now is the time to put your foot down and let them know that you want them to both be present for these events but you will not tolerate poor behavior from them. Let them know how important they both are to you and how much you want them to be an active part of LO's life but only if they can be civil towards each other.
Hang in there. Things will get better. We're about to go through the biggest change in our lives and some anxiety or fear is to be expected. If you find that you're still stressed out over things perhaps talking with a pastor, counselor or therapist may help. I see a counselor once a month to help me deal with issues and stressors. She helps me look at problems in a different way and gives me tips on how to deal with various situations. Seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness.
And BTW~We have the same EDD!
First off, I think it's completely natural to be nervous about L&D whether you're a first time mom or a Dugger. Every pregnancy, delivery and baby are different. I'm a FTM too and was scared ****less after our hospital tour. Then I was admitted for preterm and the nurses there were so great that I'm not nearly as scared any more. I'm still scared, don't get me wrong, but once you're admitted, things don't seem as "sterile" and "hospitally" as I perceived them during the tour.
Good luck, talk to your doc, try not to worry about your parents during the labor - focus on you and your hubby and baby and you're growing family.
Yes - I'm a 2nd time mom and still scared of the unknown since I know they can be completely different. Every day that goes by it's getting worse. I think because now I'm on leave and have more time for my mind to wander. Just try to relax, know that it's a very short time in the large scheme of things, and you CAN do it. Before you know it the whole experience will be a memory and you'll be saying "I can't believe I did that."
No real suggestions since I am also a FTM, but I know what you're feeling. I know there isn't an option at this point (she can't stay in me forever!!), but the unknown is just downright scary.
I've just tried to keep my mind clear and focus on that it will be ok and this is done all around the world everyday.
Jess and Michael Married 10/2006
I love seeing all the good advice an support on this. As yet another FTM, I've been having a lot of these fears as well. Just having "invisible" support here makes a difference. We're about to enter an incredibly exciting part of our lives--and it won't be without it's challenges. But everything good comes with challenges, right?
Good luck to all of you!