Intro/ My Story..Need Some Support
KaylaL08
member
Sorry, but it's long...
I've been lurking the past few days, but finally got the courage to reach out to all of you ladies...mainly because I need some support that i'm not really finding from my immediate family. Ok so here goes:
LMP- Oct. 21st. BFP on November 29th (I have long cycles) I started spotting Dec. 14th, with bright red blood the next day. I had my first prenatal appointment already scheduled for the 16th and since I was bleeding they did an ultrasound. Baby looked great! heart beating at 128, I was measuring at 6 weeks 4 days, but i'm pretty sure I ovulate later in my cycle so we just chalked it up to implantation bleeding. I continued to spot off and on until the 27th when it became heavy enough for a panty liner and still bright red.
I made an appointment for the next day and after waiting for 2 1/2 hours my midwife saw me just as they were about to close. She just confirmed what my heart already knew...my baby had died. They were so kind and everyone hugged me and my husband. We had told literally EVERYONE we knew so we called our families and I made a Facebook announcement.
I began bleeding much heavier after the trans-vaginal ultrasound and it hasn't stopped since. I was hoping and praying for a natural m/c because I really really did not want a D&C.
Warning: May be TMI...
My husband took me out to eat last night even though I was bleeding and having slight cramping. I went to my grandmother's house because she watched my 2.5 stepson (whom we have full custody of) and I went to the bathroom and there are the sac on my pad. It was fully intact and I could see my little tiny baby inside. I put the sac into a ziploc because they had given me a little container to put any tissue into.
I actually started cramping WORSE after this, cramps were the worst I've ever had, so bad I couldn't sleep and I laid up in bed all morning this morning until finally at about 2:30 they let up. About an hour later I went to the bathroom and felt something FALL OUT OF ME! I was told I had a SCH that was about 3 cm at the time of the last ultrasound and huge clot was just a little bigger than that. I called my midwife but they weren't in because they work 1/2 a day on Fridays. I was understandably scared out of my mind so I called my mom, (who is an RN) and she assured me it was just the blood clot they had found in the ultrasound. I felt much better after passing it.
I also found out that I have a heart-shaped uterus, which is another post in and of itself.
I just feel like my family isn't allowing me time to grieve. My husband was insisting I get up today and move around and do something to feel better, even though my uterus felt like it was twisting in half. And then we went to my MIL for supper and she told me to get this... CHEER UP! It's barely been 48 hours since I found out. Now mind you, I wasn't bawling my eyes out, just being quiet and withdrawn because I was sad and because I was physically HURTING.
I understand they don't want me to get depressed, but am I not allowed to be sad for at least two days??? It's very frustrating. 
Re: Intro/ My Story..Need Some Support
BFP #2 - 04/04/12, 1st Beta @ 9DPO 19, 2nd Beta @ 13 DPO 168. 1st u/s - 4/30/12 - we have a heartbeat!!
BFP#1 - 11/13/11, Natural MC - 12/24/11 at 12 weeks
BFP#2 - 10/2/12, Please be our rainbow.
I am so so sorry for your loss. ((hugs)) I can relate to what you're going through..I saw my baby too. Nothing can describe the pain and emotional wreckage that follows this...You take as long as you need to be sad. Just let yourself be sad...it doesn't matter what other people think, or if they think you should be "moving on." They don't understand..but we do. You just lost your child, and you deserve to greive! You just come here and vent whenever you need to, we'll be here for you.
((BIG HUG))
Thanks so much everyone. I feel a lot better just after telling my story and it's comforting to know that women that are further out than me are starting to heal as well.
Before this happened to me and I would hear of someone losing a pregnancy I always thought "that's so awful"--without realizing how REALLY awful it was. This is truly the worse thing that has ever happened to me. It is emotionally exhausting and physically draining and I feel like no one else can understand that.
I don't really post on forums very much but it's hard to find support in the people closest to me and I can't tell you how much it helps to know that there are other women out there that are experiencing the same thing.
Thanks again for being so nice and welcoming.
BFP#2 6/10/12 ~ EDD 2/21/13 ~ mm/c 7/12/12 ~ D&C 7/13/12
BFP#3 2/23/2013 ~ EDD 11/5/13 Beta#1 125, Beta#2 436, Beta#3 ???
Believe me, I know how you feel! When I was miscarrying I felt something "fall out" into the toilet, and I fetched it out and I thought it was my baby. My husband took it away and didn't let me look at it anymore. I was so upset. I took it to the doctor, and they told me that it was just a clot. But none the less, I know how you felt when you saw that.
I also had an interesting encounter with my MIL. After we told them that we had an U/S and although there was a sac and a baby at 6.5 weeks, there was no heartbeat. The next time I talked to her she told me "it was probably just a false pregnancy, and you were never really pregnant. That happens to people when they want to be pregnant." I swiftly corrected her, and the longer I thought about it, the more upset I got about the comment. We told you about the doctors appointment, and you still have the nerve to tell me its all in my head? I'm sure she was just trying to make me feel better, but NEWSFLASH, it didn't work!
I'm so sorry for your loss, and I hope you find the support and love you need here. Everyone grieves in their own way and time, don't let anyone rush you.