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What nerve! Another BM vent!
So get this. While BM had SS she decided to go to my FIL's and give him home made candy. He gave SS 50$ and told BM half was for My DS for Christmas. She let SS spend all of it on video games (some of which were M rated that we don't allow) Then told us it was all for SS ( we visited FIL tonight and he told us otherwise). I am livid. Who visits their X's dad??? Then basically steals from a 2 y/o. I am really finding it difficult to continue to be happy for her when she is turning into a complete witch since leaving her H.
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Re: What nerve! Another BM vent!
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"Karma1969: If baking someone a birthday pie/cake is romantic, I must be a slut."
I'm also on team "Blame FIL." Either he didn't actually tell her what he now tells you he told her, or he didn't make it clear to her and this is a misunderstanding, or he's just a moron. I mean, if you're giving money as a gift (and who gives cash to a two year old?) you put it in a card with the person's name on it, and you give it to that person. You don't hand the ex-wife of the father of the kid the money and say "this is for your ex-husband's new wife's baby."
As for the video games being rated M, different parents have different rules. Let your H deal with BM about agreeing on what's appropriate and what's not.
So, he gave his grandson a gift as an afterthought? I'm beginning to suspect that when he talked to you, he "remembered" that he wanted to give a gift to your kid too, and only at that point did he say that half of that money was for your kid. I seriously doubt he said any such thing to the BM. He sounds either thoughtless or forgetful, if he didn't think about handing money over until he saw SS.
Not to sound sexist, but men sometimes don't stop and think that far out. And he thought he could trust her to make sure her son did just as he asked. He was probably just trying to be nice and I think it was done with the right intentions.
Your DH needs to confront BM and politely ask for half the $$ that she allowed her son to spend completely on himself. If she refuses, let it go, but the point is to make sure she knows that you know and that if FIL ever does this again and entrusts her with money, BE SURE that it goes to the right person. I would then suggest that DH suggest politely to his father that he not entrust BM again.
I'd get over the visiting the ex FIL thing. I also think it was decent of BM to take her son to see his Grandfather. Although what she did with the money was wrong, it's nice that she gave her son and FIL some more time together for the holiday.
as far as the games it isn't a "my rule" DH, BM, and I discussed it last year that we would let him play T but not M till he was at least 14.
I do understand why she is doing this. She wants SS to like her and making us the bad guy helps her achieve that. Dh is concerned she is going to try and get custody back for the Child Support. (even though she is 7,000 behind in her support. She quit her job and just got a four bedroom apartment.
So then why exactly are we blaming the BM if you think it's likely that your FIL didn't make himself clear that half the money was for your son?