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I know this is discussed over and over on here

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in Success after IF

But yet again, I am having major issues and I need to let it out. 

I found out yesterday that my cousin is 6 weeks pregnant. She announced it to the immediate family even sooner.

 This is the cousin who had a baby when I was in the throes of IF. I have always wanted to approach her and tell her what I went through and apologize for not visiting her in the hospital and not holding her son 2 years ago when he was born. Its been eating away at me - the guilt.

I should mention she is not married to the guy - but they live together with his 2 other kids. I should also mention that several  years ago, he beat the hell out of her and left her outside somewhere for hours. My stepmom drove the streets for hours looking for her. I promise we are not trash, its this evil guy that has a hold on her for some reason.

 She is the type of person that is already complaining and whining about "another kid". Wah wah wah.....I gotta take care of another one, etc

Her boyfriend doesn't work, hes out on disability and she was laid off last year and hasn't worked since.

Here's the thing - I do not even want another baby. At least not right now (thats a post for another time) so why am I so upset? Now I have to watch her growing belly and everyone constantly talking to her about it and all the attention on her and her pregnancy.

I cried when I found out. Everyone thought they were tears of joy but they were secretly not. Its because she randomly had sex and got pg. I have my beautiful twins but it still stings like hell. I cannot get over this - or finding out anyone is pg naturally unless they are older or have some other issue that warrants them "deserving" in my eyes. I hate feeling this way.

Sorry, just had to get this out. I know its discussed way too much on here. 

TTC since 8/07 DX - Severe MFI/azoospermia & MTHFR/ TESEs found sperm - 7/08 & 6/09/ 12/08 - IVF#1 - BFN/ 6/09 - IVF #2 - cancelled due to OHSS risk (had retrieval)/ 7/09 - FET #1 - BFN/ 9/09 - FET #2 - BFN/ 11/09 - IVF #3 with new RE cancelled twice - 10/09 & 11/09/ 1/10 - IVF #3 take 3 - BFN/ 4/10 - IVF #4 - first ever BFP on 5/13/10!!! 108 @ 10dp3dt/ 2nd beta 311!/ sono on 5/28/10 said TWINS!!!! Lilypie Second Birthday tickers
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Re: I know this is discussed over and over on here

  • RoxBrideRoxBride member

    IF or not, this sounds like a situation to cry over - bringing a child into an abusive relationship is never a good thing.

    I'm sorry.

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  • ohiostategalohiostategal member
    imageRoxBride:

    IF or not, this sounds like a situation to cry over - bringing a child into an abusive relationship is never a good thing.

    I'm sorry.

    This is exactly what I was thinking.  Sorry you are going through this.  

    Dx with PCOS and IR June 2009
    After two losses, third time was a charm.
    pm me for blog link
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  • CJ71903CJ71903 member
    I don't have any advice, because I feel the exact same way with situations in my own life.  MH doesn't understand.  He thinks it should all be better because we have our twins now.  I have heard that the sting of IF subsides more when you know for sure that your family is complete, so maybe that's part of it?  I don't know, but I also have guilt over feeling the way I do.  You're not alone.  (((hugs)))
    Lilypie Second Birthday tickers
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  • newsbabynewsbaby
    Thanks ladies. I'm glad (but not happy anyone else has to suffer) that I'm not alone.
    TTC since 8/07 DX - Severe MFI/azoospermia & MTHFR/ TESEs found sperm - 7/08 & 6/09/ 12/08 - IVF#1 - BFN/ 6/09 - IVF #2 - cancelled due to OHSS risk (had retrieval)/ 7/09 - FET #1 - BFN/ 9/09 - FET #2 - BFN/ 11/09 - IVF #3 with new RE cancelled twice - 10/09 & 11/09/ 1/10 - IVF #3 take 3 - BFN/ 4/10 - IVF #4 - first ever BFP on 5/13/10!!! 108 @ 10dp3dt/ 2nd beta 311!/ sono on 5/28/10 said TWINS!!!! Lilypie Second Birthday tickers
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  • perry7285perry7285 member

    i think ANYONE, IF or not, would be upset at a child coming into an abusive family, especially with the mother being clear that she doesn't want the child. it does not sound like it will be a healthy environment for the baby to grow up in. so please don't feel like there is anything wrong with you for feeling this way.

    sending hugs sweetie. 

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  • Dr.LorettaDr.Loretta member

    IMO you have no reason to feel guilty. The situation sounds awful, and on top of your IF, it just wasn't something you could handle in the moment. So you had to step away. I'd feel more guilty if I forced myself to be in that situation and lashed out at friends or family.

    And I know how you feel. In the middle of our IF struggles, DH's cousin planned a pregnancy so her BF wouldn't move out of their apartment. Just planned it, just like that, and it happened. Meanwhile I got another period and no baby (at the time).

    And I now have a complex about something going wrong with just about every pregnancy I hear of. Sad but true.

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  • gringa78gringa78
    I feel the "deserving" thing too.  I just can't shake it, even though I know it's a rotten way to think/feel.  Your feelings are legitimate.
    PCOS, lupus anticoagulant, MTHFR (A1298C, one copy) 2 IUIs & 1 IVF = BFN FET#1 = It's a girl! Born 7.1.10 FET#2 = c/p FET#3 = Twin girls! Born on 3.16.12 at 33w2d due to severe pre-E. After 4 weeks in the NICU they are home! Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
    Lilypie Premature Baby tickers
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