Blended Families
Valeriam
member
kid won't add parents on fb
Valeriam
member
So my step son doesn't want to add any parents on his facebook. Hmmm? Any ideas why that would be? There doesn't seem to be anything I can do about it. He is so private about everything. Even his phone is on silent so no one hears when he gets a phone call. He is a Freshmen in HS and knows how to pull the wool over his parents eyes. I've woken up my husband about things so he (stepson) of course hates. Or---- am I being to snoopy and over bearing? That could be it to but he does live under my roof.
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Re: kid won't add parents on fb
This.
And there is DEFINITELY something you as parents can do about it. All of you need to have a united front and say "No access to your facebook and/or your phone means that we TAKE you computer and your phone. If you are not willing to allow us to check if you are being responsible for it's usage, then we are not willing to allow you to HAVE it."
My older kids have facebook and we are friends and I have the username and passwords. I did make a deal with my son not to post anything "goofy" on his wall. They know if they change the passwords and do not tell me there will be punishment etc.
I agree with all of this. BM has full access to FB of all 3 kids (18, 16, 12) and they are "friends" with BM, me and their stepdad, along with numerous other family members. Something is up if he doesn't even want to be friends with you.
At the same time though, there are kids things do that parents may not like and/or accept. For example, are you going to freak out if you get access and realize he is cussing up a storm in his posts? If you guys are overly strict about things that may not be that big of a deal, that could be another reason.
Is there a reason to mistrust him? How are his grades? His attitude?
My DH is intensely private--he would have never even had FB as a teen, and would certainly have not ever friended his parents if he did have FB.
Certainly, it's your prerogative to set the rules in your home. Maybe tell him that if he doesn't want to friend you, then you will require his password.
But unless you have other reasons to be concerned, I don't think that his insistence on privacy necessarily means that he's up to something.
Exactly. I check my son's FB randomly and told him he had to add me, my MIL, his BF, SM and BF's mother. He complained at first but I was firm with him that he either played by MY rules or there would be no FB.
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I don't disagree with other posters who say you should have access to his fb, but I would caution you to allow him to have a healthy amount of privacy as well. Choose which areas you think are the most important and leave the rest alone unless/until he gives you a reason not to trust him.
I have always been very private and would have hated having my parents on my fb. And I was a relatively good kid, never got into big trouble. Yes, I did things my parents would not have approved of, but so do ALL healthy teens.
Just throwing my 2 cents in...
If he doesn't want to add you on FB you should have his password and be able to access his account. I would tell him that you won't do so, unless you get the feeling that it's neccessary (ie: he's lying, his grades fall, etc...), but that he needs to let you know if he changes it. Otherwise he can't access it in your house. It's a safety concern.
As for his phone, if he's keeping it on silent and not taking calls, etc... I don't understand why he needs a phone at all. But at least you don't have to listen to an annoying ringtone at deafening decibles all day long. I wouldn't push that one.
As for the phone on vibrate, and his not wanting you to overhear conversations - I think that is normal and I don't see anything wrong with that. Your husband should however reserve the right to check his phone any time he wants. My SD was sexting in high school. She got into huge trouble over that and we replaced her phone with a non-camera model. We as parents learned a valuable lesson ourselves. We were dumb and naive to that.
I don't think kids have to friend their parents, but their parents better have full access to their social media accounts and check them regularly. You can set up parental controls on your computer and you can also (and should) monitor their useage.
If you think he's doing drugs or participating in any kind of illegal or dangerous behavior, etc. then you need to be nosy and snoopy. His father also needs to start engaging him more if you feel like his life is completely secret from you. Strong communication and maintaining a good parental relationship will go a long way in understanding him and keeping tabs on him.
If you have serious concerns about who he's with, where he's going etc. you can also put a trace on his phone if it's on your service. Some of the newer 4G phones already do that. DH got an EVO the other day and was shocked to find out that he could track me while I was out running errands - and it was a standard, free service.
Lurking...your 12 year olds aren't technically allowed to have facebook pages. Did you have a discussion with them about this before they started one? Why did you decide to let them?
FYI, if your kid is under 13 and you don't like their facebook page, you can report it and facebook will delete it.
https://www.facebook.com/help/contact.php?show_form=underage