i don't think DH quite understands. and also, a vent.

ec0983 · January 2012

first, my DH has told 2 different people in the last 2 days that our RE has given us a "clean bill of health". we've been very open about what we're dealing with, so the sharing doesn't bother me, but the fact that he thinks we're in the clear does. i think he's misunderstanding the good news from my lap (clear tubes, healthy ute) as us suddenly no longer having issues. i feel like i need to beat it into his head that even though it's SO awesome that my tubes are clear, i still have PCOS and have only ovulated a few times on my own. and i'm still dealing with a ridiculously short LP, although i'm finally getting my progesterone tested this cycle, thank goodness. i don't know how to approach this without making him feel dumb. sigh.

vent- we were at my ILs for dinner tonight, and they have a basic idea of what's going on with our ttc journey, and i mentioned how i may be taking some meds in the next few months (meaning clomid, although i didn't name it) if the need arises, and FIL says "just don't do any of those fertility medications. we don't need another kate plus 8. what are these women trying to do? breed a litter?" /facepalm.

katib77 · January 2012

Sorry YH is just not getting it right now. I'm sure if you sat him down and said you wanted to make sure he's on the same page as you (putting it this way, sounds better to me than say "You've got it wrong" or "let me explain what's really going on".) Then go on to explain how while you're happy HSG was good, you're still dealing with PCOS causing you to not ovulate, and you want to begin "X" on "give month". That way you're discussing the plan, less than how he's confused on Dx.

As for your FIL, they just don't know what it's all about. Hell, my mother is a nurse (not in fertility though)and I've had to explain step by step what everything does and how my RE is looking out for me.

Blueyed228 · January 2012

My H still thinks we just need to "try harder", lol. I have explained to him over and over that no ovulation = no baby. He just doesnt get it

NiciCole · January 2012

First off, sorry you're frustrated. It's certainly not just your DH, it's most of them. Remember, most (probably all) don't spend their free time researching, reading boards, blogs, anything they can get their hands on, like we do. They often don't understand the full impact of IF related issues have unless it's very clearly spelled out. Nothing against their intelligence, they just don't often spend their time self educating the way we do. That being said, do you have any PCOS literature. A pamphlet from the RE, anything like that? If so, maybe you could leave it somewhere he'll look through it? (The bathroom perhaps). I find with my DH, he often thinks I'm over dramatizing a lot of our issues. It helps him to hear it / read it somewhere else. So maybe try giving him your perspective, but from an outiside source, KWIM?

Also, take your FIL comment at face value, not directed at you personally, and it's kind of funny Good luck!

ec0983 · January 2012

this is why i love this board... there's always someone out there who can relate! it's nice to know my H isn't the only one who just doesn't get it, so thank you for sharing. i suggested earlier tonight that he do some research, but his reply was "nah, you already know it all", lol. maybe i will buy him a book, that way half the work is done for him- thank you for the suggestion.

as for my fil, nicicole, i have to admit, i almost spit my water out from laughing when he first said it, it's just frustrating the lack of knowledge out there. although, i used to be just as uneducated on all of this, so i know where he's coming from. i just want to know i have their support if we ever reach that point, you know?

NiciCole · January 2012

ec0983:

this is why i love this board... there's always someone out there who can relate! it's nice to know my H isn't the only one who just doesn't get it, so thank you for sharing. i suggested earlier tonight that he do some research, but his reply was "nah, you already know it all", lol. maybe i will buy him a book, that way half the work is done for him- thank you for the suggestion.

as for my fil, nicicole, i have to admit, i almost spit my water out from laughing when he first said it, it's just frustrating the lack of knowledge out there. although, i used to be just as uneducated on all of this, so i know where he's coming from. i just want to know i have their support if we ever reach that point, you know?

I'm sure even if you did have a "litter" they would love every last one of those babies And you're right, they just don't understand exactly what fertility drugs do or the results. WE know that Clomid has a low chance of multiples. THEY know that they heard on the TV Kate +8 and OctoMom ended up with so many babies because of "fertility drugs". Period. That's all they know. So you see where it comes from? Be mad for a few, then laugh it off and let it go. You've got bigger fish to fry!... Like where to find a book for your DH Wink

islandgirl80 · January 2012

I got the exact same comment from both my dad and my brother, in two separate conversations. The first time I laughed (uncomfortably because I just didn't have the strength to correct him) the second time I snapped. So insensitive. My brother is now a bit more informed. Sorry you had to deal with it too.

kaleidoskpeyez · January 2012

NiciCole:

I'm sure even if you did have a "litter" they would love every last one of those babies

So true. Wink

If it comes up again, I would probably make a joke, like "Oh, please don't use Kate Gosselin as your source of reality!" Until you've lived it, it's so hard to understand any aspect of this IF thing, and the Kates and Octomoms of the world certainly don't make it any easier. If their experiences were common, they wouldn't make TV shows about it. If each of the 2.8 million American couples who use fertility drugs gave birth to a "litter," it wouldn't be newsworthy.

And if you find a book your DH will willingly read, please let us know. I can't see mine reading a book about IF/PCOS even if I read it first and highlighted the important parts for him... so if you find one that's "hubby-friendly," I'd love to know about it!

Good luck with everything!

sarah_e87 · January 2012

I'm so happy your HSG brought good news! I'm sorry to hear your DH isn't understanding the bigger picture. My DH doesn't understand what goes on with PCOS either. One day out of the blue, he actually asked me for my anatomy and physiology books so he could "learn what is supposed to happen" so that when he asks again about what's going wrong with me, he'll have some knowledge as to how things are supposed to work. I couldn't help but giggle when he brought my books back and said he was even more confused than before. Hang in there...He'll get it sooner or later.

As for your FIL, I would have had to laugh. I'm sure that your ILs are there to support you, regardless of being uneducated. My mom and sister are the only family members that know about my struggles. The last time it came up, my mom said, "Well, at least you stand a good chance of getting all your kids at once and I only have to travel for one pregnancy if that's the case!" She lives 7 hours away, so she thought it would be fabulous for me to get my large family in one shot. I have to say...I couldn't stop laughing! I know my parents support every decision I'm going to make with reguards to my IF journey, but I couldn't help laughing over what she thought would happen with fertility meds.

Trish11278 · January 2012

Men don't seem to truely understand (with the exception of our Chris Stick out tongue ). My husband thinks that we will not have a problem having a child because we did get pregnant with my first round of injects. He doesn't understand that I might have m/c because of my egg quality and if that is bad, it is going to be extremely hard to get pg and stay that way. As much as I love my husband and he does support me, I love coming on here because you ladies (and Chris) completely understand what I am going through.

(((HUGS)))

ec0983 · January 2012

kaleidoskpeyez:
If their experiences were common, they wouldn't make TV shows about it. If each of the 2.8 million American couples who use fertility drugs gave birth to a "litter," it wouldn't be newsworthy.

this is actually kind of the note our conversation ended on, which i was grateful for. i think he still expects us to end up with 5 at once or something though!

kaleidoskpeyez:

I can't see mine reading a book about IF/PCOS even if I read it first and highlighted the important parts for him

this made me laugh DH would just make fun of me if i did that lol.

thanks for helping me realize i'm not alone everyone. i this board!

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