- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Single Parents
Could use advice..WWYD?
So my cousin is a cop. Last night we were talking about STBXH and as a favor to me he looked up H's record to see if he has had any charges or anything since we have been split up. Turns out his license was suspended in October for "failure to adhere to a breathalyzer" It happened RIGHT after we split up (i kicked him out on Spt. 28th).
I had no idea his lisence was suspnded and for 3 months he has been picking DD up for his visitation and bringing her back to his house (which is literally only 3.5 minutes away, but still) It kind of explains a lot becuase I always wondered why every time I talk to him when he has her they are ALWAYS home and he never takes her anywhere. Anyway, I am kind of in a bind. I can't let H know that I know about his license becuase my cousin could lose his job for diclosing the information to me. So now I don't know what to do. The next time I see my lawyer can I ask her if there is a way to find out if H has a lisence or will she not be allowed to find out that information? Is there nothing I can really do unless and until he gets caught driving? I know he is still driving to and from work eveyr day. I also have a distinct feeling that he has hired a lawyer to fight this charge.
I'm just worried he will be caught driving with DD in the car. My cousins said if that were to ever happen they would never arrest him in front of her and they would immediatetly call me to come and get her. Ughhh I just don't know what I am supposed to do!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Could use advice..WWYD?
I know how you feel. My XH hasn't had a license since 2008 and won't until 2016 but he's driving every time he and his GF come to pick up DS. (I would never let them leave with DS if he was driving though.)
My state also has online court records, but it doesn't show all the license info because the DOT makes its own decisions and doesn't rely on the criminal system to suspend licenses. I've found the DOT is very private with information and won't give any info out unless legally obligated to do so.
Talk with your lawyer, I'm sure they will know the avenues to get this info so it's considered in your visitation arrangement.
I know how you feel too. After letting exH pick up DS several times and calling the police with his information and nothing happening, I just bucked up and faced him and told him he couldn't take DS the next time he came driving himself. Yup, he was p!ssed, but he knew he was in the wrong so he just left.
You can always put DC in the car and call the police and say you have reason to believe he is driving without a license and they can run it. They will most likely want his full name, DOB, DL number if you have it, make year and model of what he is driving, as well as the plate #.
GL, I've found that you have to do things yourself - the police and court system really don't care in my experience. It's all set up FOR the wrongdoers, not those that are being wronged.
Also remember, that his insurance is not valid if he doesn't have a valid license, and if something happened while he was driving, his fault or not...there will be NO coverage for any medical expenses incurred. Regular medical insurance won't cover anything that happens when it occured in a MVA unfortunately. Protect your child!
What outcome do you want from this situation?
Sounds like he isn't galavanting about town with your daughter, he is just coming to get her for visits. Ok, he is probably doing more than that, but when he is with her, he seems to be keeping the driving to a minimum.
If you let him know you are aware of the license suspension, do you think this will prevent him from visits? Would you be willing to drive her over and pick her up? Are you hoping that he won't be able to come for her at all?