so my dh sucks sometimes — The Bump
Babies: 9 - 12 Months

so my dh sucks sometimes

he fed dd garlic mixed with applesauce today. because he thinks its funny. She inhaled it, not realizing what it was, and is now spitting up and screaming, and has been for the past 2 hours. this isn't the first time he's done this. It almost feels like child abuse. how can I convince him that feeding her disgusting concoctions and making a joke of her food is so seriously wrong? I mean... I change every diaper, give her every bath, get her when she wakes up no matter what time it is, wipe every tear... I make all of her baby food from scratch. I try so hard to make sure she is happy and healthy and he pulls pranks! ugh. It makes me want to leave him, not even kidding. I can't even go take a nap without being worried something bad will happen... but I guess my concerns are justified when he does things like this while I nap...

how do I calm my child down? we tried a bath, she drank warm water and nursed... help! 

Re: so my dh sucks sometimes

  • It feels like it's child abuse because it is. Seriously as a mother you can't keep letting it happen (I'm not saying you are because you're obviously upset an trying to change it. That makes me sick. He needs to grow the up and realize he is hurting his daughter. Keep her away from him that's all I can say. Do what you can to protect your LO. She's not some science experiment, she's a human being. I don't even know what I would do if H did something so stupid, let alone repeatedly. I'm sorry you're in that situation but please for your daughters sake, do whatever you have to so it doesn't keep happening.
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  • First, I'm hoping this is MUD. Because that sh!t is mean. If not....

    Does he see what his little creations does to her? I can't imagine my DH ever doing anything like this, but if he did, in that bizarro-world, HE would be the one responsible for taking care of her when the fallout began. If she's been crying and spitting up for two hours, then he would be the one holding her, comforting her, and cleaning her up. 

    I can't believe your DH has made it this far in life without realizing that actions have consequences. However, this is an excellent chance for him to learn that IF he feeds her disgusting sh!t that makes her sick, THEN he gets to take care of his child who is in pain that he caused. 

    And then I would punch him in the 'nards.  

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  • I read op as in he is physically hurting her because of what he's feeding her and he thinks it's funny, not just that she didn't like what he fed her.
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  • he fed her that garbage and then went to work, saying "she had dinner... it was applesauce and garlic"

     

    i wish it was mud... I'm a sahm, and since he works so much, I do a majority of baby duty.

    I think what I'm going to do is schedule an appt with the pedi, and tell her what is going on. dh has a little brother and sister that are wayy younger (5 and 7 yrs old) and they eat stuff like that.. so he thinks dd should too. but shes 9 months old. UGH. SO MAD!!!!!

    Happy new year to me! and to all of you. 

  • yeah thats what I meant, he usually goes to every appointment with me, so If I call ahead and tell the pedi whats going on, and have her talk to him, maybe he will take this more seriously.  

  • What a jerk!  He thought that was funny?!  You have EVERY right to be upset with him!!!  I just don't understand how he could possibly think that was amusing.  Your poor LO, I can't imagine their poor little face. 

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  • well I made her some baby hamburger to eat, and shes having some cheerios, and she seems to be calming down.

    I did throw away every form of garlic in my home. :)

     

  • image akrog12:

    well I made her some baby hamburger to eat, and shes having some cheerios, and she seems to be calming down.

    I did throw away every form of garlic in my home. :)

     

    What's in your baby hamburger?  I've got to come up with creative meals for DS.

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  • I cook onion until its super soft and sweet tasting and then i mix it in either ground beef or turkey. sometimes I add minced cooked veggies like carrots, then its like a mini meat loaf. dd loves meat. I've seen some babies just chew it forever and never swallow it, but dd will go nuts for chicken lol. I usually never add extra oil to meat. and sometimes I add salt and pepper, but only if its totally bland seeming, and I add just a dash.

    another thing dd loves is when I just shred meat and add little pastas, like mini stars, or cut up rigatoni, with some grated parmesan or cheddar. its like baby pasta salad. she also loves chicken noodle soup. 

  • image akrog12:

    I cook onion until its super soft and sweet tasting and then i mix it in either ground beef or turkey. sometimes I add minced cooked veggies like carrots, then its like a mini meat loaf. dd loves meat. I've seen some babies just chew it forever and never swallow it, but dd will go nuts for chicken lol. I usually never add extra oil to meat. and sometimes I add salt and pepper, but only if its totally bland seeming, and I add just a dash.

    another thing dd loves is when I just shred meat and add little pastas, like mini stars, or cut up rigatoni, with some grated parmesan or cheddar. its like baby pasta salad. she also loves chicken noodle soup. 

    Thanks for the tips!  I like the mini pasta ideas.  DS doesn't love meat but maybe if it's mixed with veggies and pasta he will eat more.

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  • Ew that would piss me off!! He either is just immature and plain stupid, not knowing it actually hurts her and is bad for her or he is a total douche. But even with the first explanation you would think he could respect you enough to believe you if you say something is bad for her. You're the mom after all. I'm sorry :( I'm not much help, but you are definitely justified in being mad.
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  • So this might be unpopular, but I think you're over-reacting.  I give DS garlic often in his food and he loves it.  He's probably been tasting it from birth because I eat a lot of garlic and he's breastfed.  Garlic and applesauce is unusual, but it's not child abuse.  I've had sweet food with garlic before.

    I'd venture a guess that your LO was fine with the garlic/applesauce combo (hense eating it happily) and only got sick when you learned what she was fed and freaked out.  Babies play off our emotions more than you might think.  If you got very upset, it could very well have made her sick.

    It sounds to me like you're over-reacting/controlling about things relating to your LO (every mommy does it to some degree Wink) and DH is getting back at you (in an immature way) by doing these things to get a rise out of you.  Rather than talking with the pedi, maybe consider speaking to eachother.  Maybe DH is feeling left out of the loop or over-criticized when it comes to LO?


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  • I don't see anything wrong with feeding a LO garlic, in and of itself. In fact, DD had garlic in her supper tonight. But, if your H is doing this on purpose knowing it will make your LO sick b/c he thinks it's funny, then that's disgusting. But are you sure that's his motive and that it's garlic that's making her sick? Because I can't believe someone would do that.

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  • image lisagde:

    So this might be unpopular, but I think you're over-reacting.  I give DS garlic often in his food and he loves it.  He's probably been tasting it from birth because I eat a lot of garlic and he's breastfed.  Garlic and applesauce is unusual, but it's not child abuse.  I've had sweet food with garlic before.

    I'd venture a guess that your LO was fine with the garlic/applesauce combo (hense eating it happily) and only got sick when you learned what she was fed and freaked out.  Babies play off our emotions more than you might think.  If you got very upset, it could very well have made her sick.

    It sounds to me like you're over-reacting/controlling about things relating to your LO (every mommy does it to some degree Wink) and DH is getting back at you (in an immature way) by doing these things to get a rise out of you.  Rather than talking with the pedi, maybe consider speaking to eachother.  Maybe DH is feeling left out of the loop or over-criticized when it comes to LO?

    I agree 100%.

    Also, onions aren't so far from garlic.

    Also, Caroline eats both of those.

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  • image bethy84:
    I guess I don't really see what's wrong with letting her have garlic and apples.  How old is she?  Your DH does sound immature if he's doing it to annoy you.  Other than nursing and snuggles, see if she has a temperature and if so, tylenol?

    This.

    & fwiw, my kid eats raw garlic that falls off the cutting board onto the floor [where he is playing while I cook]. Whatevs.

    But it's the attitude about it that makes it seem really odd. Seriously, WTF is wrong with your H? Is he 12? 

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  • Have you considered putting a large amount of ex lax in his morning cup of coffee before work?

    Seriously, there's something not right with him and I wouldnt continue to raise a child with someone like this. It would be one thing to give her these kinds of foods since most people cook with garlic and it isnt dangerous for babies, but if he's giving her large quantities of certain foods specifically targeted to make her ill, there's something seriously wrong with him. 

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  • The garlic part doesn't concern me.  The reasoning for why you H did it concerns me.  That's just mean.  I would have a serious talk with him.  Also if your daughter has been puking for hours because of garlic I would be concerned.  If they eat something they don't like it's one thing.  If she's allergic to it that's another. 

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  • image erbear:
    image lisagde:

    So this might be unpopular, but I think you're over-reacting.  I give DS garlic often in his food and he loves it.  He's probably been tasting it from birth because I eat a lot of garlic and he's breastfed.  Garlic and applesauce is unusual, but it's not child abuse.  I've had sweet food with garlic before.

    I'd venture a guess that your LO was fine with the garlic/applesauce combo (hense eating it happily) and only got sick when you learned what she was fed and freaked out.  Babies play off our emotions more than you might think.  If you got very upset, it could very well have made her sick.

    It sounds to me like you're over-reacting/controlling about things relating to your LO (every mommy does it to some degree Wink) and DH is getting back at you (in an immature way) by doing these things to get a rise out of you.  Rather than talking with the pedi, maybe consider speaking to eachother.  Maybe DH is feeling left out of the loop or over-criticized when it comes to LO?

    I agree 100%.

    Also, onions aren't so far from garlic.

    Also, Caroline eats both of those.

    Oh ffs, garlic isn't the point. The point is that he's being deliberately cruel and then leaving her to deal with the fallout. I suspect this isn't the only form of manipulation and borderline abuse going on there. I have no advice except to be prepared for your pedi to refer you to a therapist. GL.
  • image bethy84:
    image Quesera:
    image erbear:
    image lisagde:

    So this might be unpopular, but I think you're over-reacting.  I give DS garlic often in his food and he loves it.  He's probably been tasting it from birth because I eat a lot of garlic and he's breastfed.  Garlic and applesauce is unusual, but it's not child abuse.  I've had sweet food with garlic before.

    I'd venture a guess that your LO was fine with the garlic/applesauce combo (hense eating it happily) and only got sick when you learned what she was fed and freaked out.  Babies play off our emotions more than you might think.  If you got very upset, it could very well have made her sick.

    It sounds to me like you're over-reacting/controlling about things relating to your LO (every mommy does it to some degree Wink) and DH is getting back at you (in an immature way) by doing these things to get a rise out of you.  Rather than talking with the pedi, maybe consider speaking to eachother.  Maybe DH is feeling left out of the loop or over-criticized when it comes to LO?

    I agree 100%.

    Also, onions aren't so far from garlic.

    Also, Caroline eats both of those.

    Oh ffs, garlic isn't the point. The point is that he's being deliberately cruel and then leaving her to deal with the fallout. I suspect this isn't the only form of manipulation and borderline abuse going on there. I have no advice except to be prepared for your pedi to refer you to a therapist. GL.

    Except she said that's what his younger siblings eat so that's what he gave his DD.  If that's the case, he's not being cruel.  If he does KNOW that she say, has a sensitivity to garlic, then he's cruel. 

    Come on! It wasn't an age old family recipe; it has nothing to do with whet his siblings eat. (and they probably eat it bc someone in his family also has a twisted idea of what's funny. She said he's doing it bc he thinks it's funny. It's not, and any normal person knows that.
  • image Quesera:
    image bethy84:
    image Quesera:
    image erbear:
    image lisagde:


    .

    Except she said that's what his younger siblings eat so that's what he gave his DD.  If that's the case, he's not being cruel.  If he does KNOW that she say, has a sensitivity to garlic, then he's cruel. 

    Come on! It wasn't an age old family recipe; it has nothing to do with whet his siblings eat. (and they probably eat it bc someone in his family also has a twisted idea of what's funny. She said he's doing it bc he thinks it's funny. It's not, and any normal person knows that.

    Agreed. I would be curious to know the amount of garlic he thinks is funny. Generally a baby isn't going to be spitting up from a little garlic in some applesauce. A lot of garlic, well, probably so.

     He sounds like a child and if she is afraid to leave him with LO while she's in the same house I would say there are probably other issues that go way beyond garlic in applesauce.

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  • Also, the fact that you do all the childcare and doesn't help with any of it shows that he's a complete jack*ss.  I don't care if you're SAHM or not, he still sucks if he doesn't help care for his child.  And I would NEVER procreate with this man again. 

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  • image Scout2005:

    image Quesera:
    Come on! It wasn't an age old family recipe; it has nothing to do with whet his siblings eat. (and they probably eat it bc someone in his family also has a twisted idea of what's funny. She said he's doing it bc he thinks it's funny. It's not, and any normal person knows that.

    Yeah, I agree. The garlic isn't the point. His motivation is the point.

    A grown man thinking it's funny to upset a baby by putting something in her food is weird and frankly pathetic. 

    I would be really concerned if my husband's idea of of a funny joke was to make our daughter cry and spit up. 

    Not that garlic and apples is a family recipe, but some family ARE more open to unusual taste combinations than others.  Garlic and apples really wouldn't phase me (or others in my family) much at all.  In fact, we've eaten similar things to that.

    I assumed he was mixing those foods because he thought it was funny to make the OP upset, not his daughter.  I'm frankly not convinced that it was the garlic apples that upset the OP's LO, rather how upset the OP got from the situation.  Babies are very in tune with our emotions and can react strongly to them.


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  • Wow. Agreed, garlic isn't a bad thing - I use garlic powder and minced garlic in sauces all the time for DD, but the idea that her father would do something that would either purposely up set DD or me is just bizarre. Using a child to get at a parent is pretty wrong in my book no matter what form it comes in. Very sad to me. I wouldn't put up with this at all from my DH.
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  • image Scout2005:
    image lisagde:
    image Scout2005:

    image Quesera:
    Come on! It wasn't an age old family recipe; it has nothing to do with whet his siblings eat. (and they probably eat it bc someone in his family also has a twisted idea of what's funny. She said he's doing it bc he thinks it's funny. It's not, and any normal person knows that.

    Yeah, I agree. The garlic isn't the point. His motivation is the point.

    A grown man thinking it's funny to upset a baby by putting something in her food is weird and frankly pathetic. 

    I would be really concerned if my husband's idea of of a funny joke was to make our daughter cry and spit up. 


    I assumed he was mixing those foods because he thought it was funny to make the OP upset, not his daughter.  I'm frankly not convinced that it was the garlic apples that upset the OP's LO, rather how upset the OP got from the situation.  Babies are very in tune with our emotions and can react strongly to them.

    Sorry, but how is this better? Using a child to get a reaction out of the other parent is pretty effing crappy. And if upsetting her mother is going to upset the child, then why would you do it?

    I don't think it really matters who the "joke" was aimed at. I still feel really bad for this little girl that her father is an immature ass who would use her for his own ends. 

    Well it's certainly still an immature and crummy thing for him to do, but it's not child abuse to give a baby garlic if the baby is fine with eating it, so that certainly makes it better in my book.  From the OP's story, I got the feeling that he's being passive-aggressive b/c she's being overly critical of his parenting.

    Regardless, I think running to the pedi and announcing that DH is abusing her LO is the wrong approach.  It would cause a lot more drama in a situation that might be resolved with some self-reflection and calm discussion.


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  • If he gave her an amount of garlic higher than what you might normally put in a meal for a baby because he thought it was funny, then yes, I think it's screwed up;  but if she "inhaled it" meaning she really liked it, I wouldn't be worried about the strangeness of the concoction. On the other hand, If you tell him it hurt her stomach and he does it again, I'd be pissed.

    This is one of the smaller parenting disagreements/arguments you will have with your DH, I do not think tattling to the pedi, especially calling ahead behind his back to do so, will be helpful in resolving it. JMO.

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