Scariest Momentof my life ... Possibly TMI....and need advice

CheezeFace · January 2012

So the last three days have been absolutely exhausting.....

Thursday night I was changing DSs diaper and it was full of blood. FULL. I called DH and his face lost all color when he saw the diaper. As we were looking/ cleaning everything up, DS had another BM and this time it was just liquid...all blood.

We call the pediatrician and went straight to the hospital. I'm holding it together as much as possible. My husband is blathering on about how many goals he scored at his hockey game the night before.....I'm talking about stuff I need to return to Target. We were a mess.

Long story short, our little baby had a very serious allergic reaction to both milk and soy. I am still trying to BF but my milk has never come in. DS is most likely getting *maybe* 6 oz/day. The rest is formula.

We switched formulas and are now on a prescription formula that costs close to a million dollars.

So my question is: considering the paltry amount of milk that I'm producing, is it worth continuing to BF? I really want to EBF but I don't think we will get there. I'm on supplements, tea, pumping and nursing. Ive gotten used to it but I'm not going to lie when I tell you it has been an exhausting schedule.

CheezeFace · January 2012

Sorry...I posted before I explained why I might want to stop BFing...

I will have to make major changes to my diet. No dairy, no soy. I already have a difficult time processing carbs (rice, pasta, etc..). Meat kind of skeezes me out so soy has been a major source of protein for me. Dairy - other than cheese- isn't too much of a problem but the soy thing is going to be difficult.

Im just wondering what you would do if you were not producing a lot of milk, the BF scheduling is tiring and the added diet changes are...sigh...just another obstacle. Are the benefits from BFing worth it to keep going?

I feel like such a failure that I can't get this BFing thing down.

PinkNoise123 · January 2012

OMG, I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I would be freaking out! Since you asked for opinions, if I were in your shoes I would quit BF'ing. I say that as a committed EBF'er who is dairy, soy, and gluten free, but I don't have supply issues like you have. I think in your case it may take too long for the milk proteins to clear your system (it can take up to a month) and it sounds like your DS needs an immediate change that can only come from going to formula only. If you REALLY want to keep trying to BF, if I were you I would keep doing all the supplements and pumping, but dump everything until you're sure your system is clear of dairy and soy. Good luck mama, I hope your DS gets better soon, and don't feel like a failure!!!

CheezeFace · January 2012

jbell0202:
OMG, I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I would be freaking out! Since you asked for opinions, if I were in your shoes I would quit BF'ing. I say that as a committed EBF'er who is dairy, soy, and gluten free, but I don't have supply issues like you have. I think in your case it may take too long for the milk proteins to clear your system (it can take up to a month) and it sounds like your DS needs an immediate change that can only come from going to formula only. If you REALLY want to keep trying to BF, if I were you I would keep doing all the supplements and pumping, but dump everything until you're sure your system is clear of dairy and soy. Good luck mama, I hope your DS gets better soon, and don't feel like a failure!!!

Exactly. If I didn't have supply issues, I would make the dietary changes and not think twice about it but I just don't know if it is worth it.

Ilost about 13 lbs while I was pregnant (I'm not overweight) and have a really hard time eating/ putting weight on since I delivered so the dietary restrictions really worry me.

Thanks for your opinion...I'm still on the fence but I appreciate the input.

newbee36 · January 2012

First of all, I wish you a happy new year and I wish your LO's issues resolve soon! How is he doing now that he is on a special formula? We had blood in stool issues, however, it never looked the way you described it. There were just some streaks and dots here and there. I was on a diet for 2.5 months, but it didn't help us so we switched to a hypoallergenic formula after seeing a GI. DS was 4 months old then. That is when I stopped BFing. I went cold turkey. The formula fixed everything.

As for benefits of BFing, I am not knowledgeable enough to say how much benefits does your LO gets from those 6 oz/ day, but common sense is telling me not much, if any.

About the special formula. Neocate or EleCare? Does your insurance cover it? The GI told originally suggested neocate, but I asked about Similac Alimentum. He said we could try it and see if it works, since not all the proteins are broaken down as they are in the other 2 formulas. Luckily, Alimentum worked, and I am happy about it, since we are paying out of a pocket, and a can costs ~28 dollars (versus $34/can for the others). I hope your LO is getting better as we are speaking...

CheezeFace · January 2012

newbee36:
First of all, I wish you a happy new year and I wish your LO's issues resolve soon! How is he doing now that he is on a special formula? We had blood in stool issues, however, it never looked the way you described it. There were just some streaks and dots here and there. I was on a diet for 2.5 months, but it didn't help us so we switched to a hypoallergenic formula after seeing a GI. DS was 4 months old then. That is when I stopped BFing. I went cold turkey. The formula fixed everything.
As for benefits of BFing, I am not knowledgeable enough to say how much benefits does your LO gets from those 6 oz/ day, but common sense is telling me not much, if any.
About the special formula. Neocate or EleCare? Does your insurance cover it? The GI told originally suggested neocate, but I asked about Similac Alimentum. He said we could try it and see if it works, since not all the proteins are broaken down as they are in the other 2 formulas. Luckily, Alimentum worked, and I am happy about it, since we are paying out of a pocket, and a can costs ~28 dollars (versus $34/can for the others). I hope your LO is getting better as we are speaking...

You know, I can't really tell how he is doing onthe new formula. He's definitely less gassy but is also way fussier than he has ever been. We've only had one BM since the ER and I'm not sure what to make of it. I'm waiting for another. No blood, though, so that was a huge relief. Yeah, the blood in his diaper was much, much, much more than streaks.

The insurance that I had when we went to the ER didn't cover it but my company has switched as of today so I need to check with the new company. BCBS said it was considered "nutrition" not medication. But I thought medically necessary foods were covered...anyway...I'm still investigating it....I'm now on Cigna.

Thanks for your well wishes. Babies are freaking scary!

Mrs_M · January 2012

VERY scary! I am just glad you guys figured out what it was and he's okay, but STILL.

As for the BFing, it is worth it. Keep in mind the little one is still just a month old. My milk took forever the first time to really come in. I tried mothers milk tea and it HELPED a ton, maybe it will work for you. I was frustrated with DD for the first 2 months, then just hung it there and it worked for me. BFing doesn't work for everyone and patience is key. Your NOT a failure BTW.

robynlesley · January 2012

As a mom who only formula fed and stopped BF nearly immediately due to how miserable it made me (my son's pedi said happy mama = happy baby no matter what source of food), I'll just say that you will NOT be a "failure" as a mom if you stop breastfeeding.

Personally, I'd probably stop if it meant all those dietary changes. I guess I'm selfish, but I would have been so miserable cutting out all those foods. You need to determine how doing this will affect you vs. the desire the breastfeed. If the desire to breastfeed wins, I'd give the suggestions of pumping a shot as you make those changes. Otherwise, you gave it a good shot for the last month or so and nobody will fault you if you stop.

Being a mom, I've learned, means being able to roll with the punches and to be flexible. Things change day by day. Whether you BF or FF, you're a fantastic mom.

Piranha54 · January 2012

I think there are probably benefits to quitting the BF - time, ease, peace of mind, etc. and there are the known benefits to BF. I have friends who have FF and BF and even with the list of benefits accorded to BF, there's really been no difference in the health of the kids. That said, if you want to try and continue BFing, I would suggest finding a good lactation consultant and support group - mine were great and such a comfort. Also, I have a dairy allergy - and most dairy allergies are to cow's milk so you can have goat and sheeps milk cheeses and other products. Plus now there are the coconut milk products - "milk," yogurts, etc. so while it will be a change, there are plenty of options out there that are not soy. Aside from soy milk, which I do admit I think it better than the other options, I barely use soy. GL with your decision and hope LO is feeling better!

jigglyjelloo · January 2012

I hope your LO is feeling much better and the new formula works for you.

Being a successful Mother is not dictated by whether you breastfeed or not. Yes, breastmilk is the best option, but if providing breastmilk for your child means compromising your own health, then IMO it is not worth it. If you already have weight and food issues having to go on a special diet will only cause you further stress which could impact your supply even more.

Being a good mom means making the choices that are going to be the best for your child even if it may not be the route you wanted to take. I agree with the PP...happy mom=happy baby.

BrideBuddies · January 2012

Just based on the drastic allergic reaction, I would think a complete, 100% switch to the special formula is in baby's best interests all around. Anything that is causing the reaction will still be in your system for quite some time, and I'd never risk making my LO even more sick for the sake of BFing in this situation.

Sure all the books and so-called experts will tell you that BF is best. But that doesn't mean it works for everyone. And it think you fall into that category, my dear.

Don't lose sleep over not BFing. I couldn't do it.. I barely had any supply to start with.. .plus I had C-section complications that made it nearly impossible to fully focus on the kiddo in those early weeks. Sure I felt guilty, but in the end, it was best of both of us.

CheezeFace · January 2012

BrideBuddies:
Just based on the drastic allergic reaction, I would think a complete, 100% switch to the special formula is in baby's best interests all around. Anything that is causing the reaction will still be in your system for quite some time, and I'd never risk making my LO even more sick for the sake of BFing in this situation.

Sure all the books and so-called experts will tell you that BF is best. But that doesn't mean it works for everyone. And it think you fall into that category, my dear.

Don't lose sleep over not BFing. I couldn't do it.. I barely had any supply to start with.. .plus I had C-section complications that made it nearly impossible to fully focus on the kiddo in those early weeks. Sure I felt guilty, but in the end, it was best of both of us.

Thanks. This makes perfect sense to me. Seriously, it's like a lightbulb just came on.

Nothing with this baby has gone the way I thought it would...from conception to delivery. I think the PP poster was right in stating that i just need to roll with the punches...and this is just one of them.

All, thank you so much. I think I may have found a very nice home here on this board.

mwd · January 2012

I know I am coming late to this party, and it sounds like you've already made a decision, which I completely agree with you. Each baby is so different, and their needs can be completely opposite. The most important thing is you realized you were really stressing out about one aspect, and accepted the options. If this is what it takes for you to be a happy mom, then so be it. If anyone asks about it, explain that they baby has food allergies, and FF is the best option. Then change the subject.

I really beat myself up for not BF my daughter, when my son was a complete hog. She would not latch, and although I was pumping consistently, my supply went down to nothing. To this day she is particular about how she eats things, having particular utensils, etc. She's just finicky.

ilovemygirls · January 2012

I am so sorry about your scare- ugh, makes every parents heart sink to think of going through something like that! First of all, I'd stop bf'ing. There is no failure here, your LO has an allergy. Personally I could never pump enough to keep up so I always supplemented my LO's. Formula is not a bad thing and in this case, it is a very good thing for him.

Second, I would def. push re: insurance covering the formula. His need for the formula is due to a medical condition. If they deny, you appeal- there will be an appeal process outlined on the denial. I'll bet you can get your drs to back you up with documentation. My bff has a son with autism & has had a TON of success appealing denial of services for him- in one case it was for a reimbursement of services already paid for by them & they had to pay her back- with interest! Good luck!!

gimmietimmies · January 2012

That's so scary! I'm a big time BF'ing mama, and I would have a hard time continuing in your situation, even if it were just pumping. Feeding your baby anyway that works doesn't make you a bad mom, it means your adapting to what works best for you both. It would scare the crap out of me to have to analyze everything that went in my mouth...because in your case you would have to even look at the ingredient list in prepared foods too.

Top that off with what sounds like a difficult pregancy and an already shortened list of foods you can eat, you'd be making shortfalls on your own nutrition. Just remember that up to 2 years pp your bones are still leeching calcium, and your body is still trying to replace other nutrients it diverted to baby during pregnancy (even on prenatals, it still happens).

If you are determined to follow through with BF, see if your insurance covers a lactation consultant and perinatal nutritionist, at the very least for support. And keep coming here, and on either the allergy or special needs boards. Some of us have been dealing with something scary and overwhelming for some time, and can lend an ear.

Strunella · January 2012

Poor baby and poor Mama! I agree with pps...the most important thing is for baby to get the nutrition he needs. I also wanted to EBF, but my supply wasn't the greatest and by 3 months, the pedi said DS wasn't gaining enough weight. I was really disappointed because formula wasn't "the plan" but plans change and it was more important for me to have a healthy baby who was thriving. I ended up supplementing with formula, but honestly, it's even more difficult to keep up with pumping and nursing once you start supplementing.

All that to say, it's ok to stop BFing. Really. Sometimes things don't go as planned, but we learn to just go with it.

racampbell1 · January 2012

gimmietimmies:

That's so scary! I'm a big time BF'ing mama, and I would have a hard time continuing in your situation, even if it were just pumping. Feeding your baby anyway that works doesn't make you a bad mom, it means your adapting to what works best for you both. It would scare the crap out of me to have to analyze everything that went in my mouth...because in your case you would have to even look at the ingredient list in prepared foods too.

I'm late to the party, but I agree with all of this - I EBF'ed DD for over a year, but would have had to really reconsider my game plan if I were facing all the issues you have. Bottom line you are NOT a failure no matter what you decide, I have friends that pulled the plug on BF'ing for various reasons, and in each case, they did what was best for THEM and THEIR BABY. That's what you're doing and I commend you for it. How very scary, and awful that you had to go through that. I hope LO is feeling much better now.

CheezeFace · January 2012

Hi all! Just wanted to pass along some good news about baby....today was the best day we've ever had. No gas, no spit up, normal amounts of fussiness where I could actually console my child, wakeful periods that were peaceful. We even got smiles and giggles. He started cooing. My heart just melted. He took a 4 hour nap. Thats never happened before. All he ever did before was cry or fuss if he was awake. I can't even explain how different today has been. I'm not exhausted...I'm still normal mommy tired but not exhausted like I have been the last few weeks.

We read a story, we sang songs, took a bath and watched daddy cook dinner all with no screaming. The dog came out of hiding.

Thank you all for your support. BFing wasn't for us. I got a bit sad tonight when I put him down to sleep without nursing first - I miss the closeness - but when I think about how great today was I just know it was the right decision.

vanverth · January 2012

I think you have your answer. I have said it before and will say it again, formula is not poison. This is the best thing for your little guy. I am sorry about not being able to BF but spending happy time with baby is the best thing. And you can cuddle without booby involvement.

stever · January 2012

I was pretty hardcore EBF'er, but such severe restrictions would have been hard to follow. Ii really think it would be okay to FF.

That said, if you want to BF I'd supplement with formula while you clear your system of allergens and pump a lot to build up your supply.

Good luck with your decision.

Kahosity · January 2012

Just to kinda chime in on the new formula.. my son had to have a soy based formula and WIC actually picked it up for us. I know that they're based on income but with special circumstances such as the type of your formula they may help you out at least with some of it..

kikijbunny · January 2012

Just wanted to chime in and say that I am glad your LO is feeling better (and you as well)! Sounds like you are doing the right thing for both of you.

dmndsr4eva · January 2012

I'm sorry this happened to you and glad you baby is ok. I think you need to do whatever is best for your baby. If your doctor thinks that you continuing to breastfeed with a different diet I would try that. It isn't easy but I did both FF and BF since my son was a month old. It was a bit difficult to balance but after a while you figure it out.

NewMrs07 · January 2012

I had very little milk too and did what you're doing. LO would get maybe 4-6 oz of my BM and I would supplement with formula at every feeding. I think we gave in to formula to soon (3 days after birth) and that compromised my milk supply, who knows. I felt guilty at first but LO thrived on formula and he's still above 95 percentile on the growth chart. I usually would BF him for a few minutes and then give a bottle of formula. That way I would still get the bonding and he would get some antibodies from my BM. I figured a little BM is better than nothing. He didn't have allergies to milk though and didn't get sick until after he was 18 months and started day care.

I think if you're having a hard time BF'ing there's absolutely nothing wrong with just doing formula. I know you feel bad about it, we all do, but a happy mom and happy baby is all that matters in the end. If BF'ing is a major hassle for you and makes you stressed, I think it's not worth it.

Good luck, the first 3 months are the most difficult, in my opinion. I hope your LO feels better after you switch formulas Left Hug

NewMrs07 · January 2012

I meant LO would get 4-6oz of my BM a DAY, not at each feeding. I seriously would pump all day and only get about 6oz total. And then I have friends that had to donate milk b/c they had so much. Not fair but what can you do?

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