When/how will you tell your boss?

AlleyCatNH · January 2012

I'm not planning to tell for a while (as long as I can get away with it) but I already have a lot of anxiety about telling my director. I work in a small school and this is my first year there. She is not a pleasant woman at all, and has these crazy mood swings where she either loves you or hates you. I'm planning to leave my job at the end of the school year and be a SAHM.Knowing her, she will be awful to me for the rest of the year after that, so I'm dreading telling her. Luckily everyone I work with sees her for what she is, so I know they will be supportive.

How do you plan to bring it up? Do you schedule a meeting or just mention it when your boss is in a good mood?

rp-chicago-mom · January 2012

Are you a preschool teacher? If so, me too! I had to tell my director early because I was having spotting and had to go to the doctor two days in a row. The first day I made something up but I couldn't do that twice so I let her know. She's a great director though and didn't even ask me my plans. Also, if I hadn't had to leave, I would have waited the full 12 weeks.

My co-teachers know but no one else knows and I don't plan to come out with it until 12 weeks.

EarsToYou · January 2012

I'm not sure, and it's stressing me out too. I'm in a really small private practice (I'm an Audiologist), so when I'm on mat leave it really messes up the schedule. She let me take 4 months off w/ L, but I don't think she'll be so generous this time. Also, like your boss, she sometimes has some crazy "love you or hate you" mood swings. So, we'll see. To add to my anxiety, I'm flying to Vegas this week for a 5 day conference w/ my boss, our marketing director, and a co-worker, and I have to share a room! I have no idea how I'll manage to keep it a secret there Tongue Tied

rp-chicago-mom · January 2012

EarsToYou:
I'm not sure, and it's stressing me out too. I'm in a really small private practice (I'm an Audiologist), so when I'm on mat leave it really messes up the schedule. She let me take 4 months off w/ L, but I don't think she'll be so generous this time. Also, like your boss, she sometimes has some crazy "love you or hate you" mood swings. So, we'll see. To add to my anxiety, I'm flying to Vegas this week for a 5 day conference w/ my boss, our marketing director, and a co-worker, and I have to share a room! I have no idea how I'll manage to keep it a secret there

Ugh and I bet you'll have to fake drinking too! I'm really tired of that and am so glad the holidays are over.

finchleyflower · January 2012

I am so sorry that you are in this position. She sounds awful!

I am also dreading telling my boss. I recently asked for better conditions (less travel) and I think my boss will think I was pregnant then - but I wasn't. I asked for those things to make it easier to conceive, and after 6 months of trying, after the conversation with my boss we got pregnant immediately. Work conceded to my requests, but I think they will think I am now presenting more problems and that I was underhand somehow.

I won't announce until 12 weeks (hope I get there) and I think I am just going to come out and say it. I can't think of another way...

alileecam · January 2012

I have no idea, and it's been giving me nightmares--literally.

She's not very understanding when it comes to me for some reason. I took 3 days off this week when NOTHING was going on at work and she about had an anxiety attack. She took a week off after Thanksgiving and my officemate (we have a team of 3) took a week off 2 months before our annual big event back in November and then another week about 2 weeks prior with no problem.

Having a baby in late August will put me out for most of the work and the actual event for next year since it's in early October. She's going to give me hell, sheer hell. And all I want is for this bean to hang on! I don't know if I'm going to have the stomach for the guilt she's going to give me.

finchleyflower · January 2012

Sorry this is my second post on this thread, but it breaks my heart to hear how much stress others are also under about announcing to the boss. It also angers me. Having children is the most natural thing in the world, and we shouldn't have to worry to much about the reactions of those at work - we are meant to have reached an age of equality for women, for crying out loud. It makes me sad and angry.

AlleyCatNH · January 2012

finchleyflower:
Sorry this is my second post on this thread, but it breaks my heart to hear how much stress others are also under about announcing to the boss. It also angers me. Having children is the most natural thing in the world, and we shouldn't have to worry to much about the reactions of those at work - we are meant to have reached an age of equality for women, for crying out loud. It makes me sad and angry.

I totally agree. I think the biggest issue with my boss is that all that matters about anything and everything is how it will effect her. I had a coworker take off a few days for a funeral and our boss never even said "sorry for your loss" or anything, she went right into a tirade about how she's too swamped with her own work to cover for her. She has three kids (all grown up) but I still can't imagine her being understanding. I still don't get what drove her to want to work in a school!

LaurenRachel · January 2012

I'm thinking around 12 weeks. I accepted a new position (same company and dept. just a different type job and schedule) the day before I got my bfp! eek. I'm also planning on SAH and will be quitting when I leave for maternity leave. I'm worried they're going to be so pissed that they're about to train me for this new position only to have me leave in August...but you never know what may happen with the baby. I haven't even had my first appt yet, so I can't let this affect my decision.

finchleyflower · January 2012

Alleycat, that is unbelievable, that she wouldn't even express sorrow for someone's loss - awful. I can't believe she works at a school! I am also considering being a SAHM afterwards, and I think when the time comes to announce, hopefully we will be advanced enough in our pregnancies to think that what we want and need, and our families, count for so much more than a boss and his/her misplaced opinions. Hopefully. That said, I know it's not easy biding time with a horrible boss, even when you know you are leaving.

xxx

LLK122207 · January 2012

That sounds horrible!... I love my boss but I feel like I will be judged and probably not move up as fast in the company because of this.. ugh.. I love my baby I just wish it didn't have to take such a toll on work when it shouldn't!

alileecam · January 2012

finchleyflower:
Sorry this is my second post on this thread, but it breaks my heart to hear how much stress others are also under about announcing to the boss. It also angers me. Having children is the most natural thing in the world, and we shouldn't have to worry to much about the reactions of those at work - we are meant to have reached an age of equality for women, for crying out loud. It makes me sad and angry.

Doesn't it suck? I can only think of one boss I've ever had who would be supportive at all. The rest would (I imagine) just act like it's a huge inconvenience at best and at worst might fire me. Those are my fears at least. Women will NEVER be equal in the workplace in the US until the maternity issues are sorted out. It automatically affects the way our worth and work are perceived and unfortunately I think that I will be seen as a liability after I announce even though at that point I will have been there 2 years and been, according to my reviews, an excellent employee.

Of course, I kind of saw this coming... I was indirectly asked the inappropriate question when I was hired. The president said, "Everyone in that position keeps having kids.... do you have kids?" I still get mad about it. But at that point, the job was mine and I needed it. So here I am.

babiesbabiesbabies · January 2012

I work for the church I attend and my boss is in my sunday school class so she knew when I announced to everyone, and was very excited for us. However, she does not know that we plan on moving in July and I plan on quitting to be a SAHM. This will not make her very happy, and I plan on keeping that part from her as long as possible, maybe not even tell her until June.

Scorpgirl444 · January 2012

My entire office already knows as we did IVF and they were part of my support through the whole process. The only thing I have to think about is when I'm going to have the conversation about leaving. Right now I'm the only sales person in the office so that news will not be well received.

I guess that's not really my issue though. I'll give them plenty of time but will have an ending date as I also plan on being a SAHM.

kristenreinert · January 2012

My boss already knows. I work for a plant company but am out on my own a lot, and with my doctor appointment on Tuesday I wanted her to know why I would be MIA in the afternoon if she happened to need me. Plus, she already knew it was a possibility because I took time off after my miscarriage in August. She was very excited and supportive, just asked that I give her at least 6 weeks notice when I decide when I will stop working (my job is physical so once my belly really gets going, it will be very difficult). I am so sorry for those of you that have to worry about your bosses; hoping it all works out for the best and they are understanding!

RustyBlonde · January 2012

I have SO MUCH anxiety about telling my boss...

I'm in charge of this HUGE project set for the beginning of November (like the biggest thing in our program in the past 4yrs or so) and right now my EDD is August 27th. Tack on maternity leave (not sure how many weeks I'll take) and I won't be back until either just before the big project (a couple weeks is NOT enough time to prep) or right after.

My boss has been talking to me about this project since last month already -- like a year out... Oh and they're planning to promote me in the coming months which is great, but I'm hoping my pregnancy won't change anything and I'm hoping they'll show their cards before I have to show mine, so to speak.

But yes, I understand your anxiety! I'm not quite sure how I'll bring it up. Probably on a day when he seems to be in a good mood.

vic8504 · January 2012

I had to tell my director at work early due to bleeding and having to get blood work and u/s done. I had been hoping to wait to tell until the end of my first trimester. It is sort of a weight off my shoulders though, because now I can be honest with him and say I am going to be late due to an appointment, etc. Plus with my m/s kicking in now...Though I still hope not to tell everyone at least for another month or more. Good luck!

missy999999 · January 2012

I told my boss immediately considering the fact I am a nurse in the OR. I am around a lot of xray, chemicals and a lot of "smells" that are harmful to myself and my baby. I pulled her aside into her office and told her the day after I found out.

ndruley · January 2012

Oh wow, I'm sorry your boss is so awful and I hope she isn't mean to you once she finds out! I am a teacher so I can understand how you feel about giving an earlier heads up. I am planning to tell my principal once I am in my 2nd trimester and I will definitely set up a meeting to talk to him about it. I would try to set up a meeting with her when you feel comfortable enough to tell her...I don't think telling her on a whim when she's in a good mood will help with how she treats you after she knows. Again, hopefully she'll be nice! GL!

cedenton · January 2012

I've only been at my job about 7 months, but I don't really expect any major issues when I tell them I'm expecting. I won't tell my boss until 13 weeks, though a couple of other people in the office know.

I'm not sure when the last time anyone in this particular department was expecting, certainly not in a good 5 years as far as I know, so I don't really have a frame of reference.

lovebug33 · January 2012

I will tell my boss when we have to declare our intentions for next year which will be in march. when i tell her im going to miss the dirst three months of school she is going to flip a lid because she has already told me i can only have a baby in april or may. she hates me and this whole thing is going to be stresful.

jfgreer · January 2012

finchleyflower:
Sorry this is my second post on this thread, but it breaks my heart to hear how much stress others are also under about announcing to the boss. It also angers me. Having children is the most natural thing in the world, and we shouldn't have to worry to much about the reactions of those at work - we are meant to have reached an age of equality for women, for crying out loud. It makes me sad and angry.

I so agree.

I wasn't going to tell my boss (and co-workers) until 12 weeks, but morning sickness has kicked in and so I think I'll need to tell her next week when I go back from Christmas break. She's only a few years older than me and has children of her own, but she's a no-nonsense tough cookie!

Good luck to everyone.

Andreabks · January 2012

i'm really sorry for everyone who's having a rough time! I have 3 bosses that i'm exec. assistant too, and thankfully they knew we were trying when i got hired 6 months ago. one of the three knows my history with m/c so is aware that being pregnant now doesn't meant that i'll deff be leaving in August. One just had a baby a year ago, another is a grandfather, i just have one boss who's kinda clueless.

With that, 2 of the three figured out i was pregnant when i put an appointment (not marked as dr) on their calendar for the 12th of january back 1 1/2 weeks ago. They're happy for me, but again know that it may not last, so they're being cautious about it.

adoxyinherear · January 2012

Thank you so much for bringing this up. I am dreading this conversation, too, as it is also my plan to leave my job if we make it. I'm actually thinking I'll probably go to our HR manager first, and ask her what would be the best course of action for notifying my supervisor. We've had a great relationship in the past, but due to a number of staff cuts this year - we're a nonprofit and federally funded - there's been some serious strain on both of us with all of the extra work.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do! I'm hoping to wait until 12 weeks at least, though I haven't had to deal with hiding m/s at work, yet. That's going to be a challenge.

happytobemrs.m · January 2012

kikimo327:
finchleyflower:
Sorry this is my second post on this thread, but it breaks my heart to hear how much stress others are also under about announcing to the boss. It also angers me. Having children is the most natural thing in the world, and we shouldn't have to worry to much about the reactions of those at work - we are meant to have reached an age of equality for women, for crying out loud. It makes me sad and angry.
Ditto this. It also ticks me off that so many of you who are worried/stressed have women bosses.

Yes Yes

Nikko Blue · January 2012

I will tell her at 12 weeks (or after my NT scan) and let my co-workers know the day after that. If I do end up getting bad m/s, I might tell sooner.

ksykes0624 · January 2012

My boss was actually the very first person I told when DH and I found out! I was only about 4 weeks, but I knew I would be having lots of doc appts coming up so I wanted him to be prepared! He is very supportive (has 2 small children of his own), and already knew we were trying, so I wanted to share the good news! I'm an administrative assistant to a very busy bank executive, and he's already planning how we'll get through my maternity leave! (And just between you and I, I think he's actually thinking of promoting me to another department to start when I get back (and I'll train for my position before I leave!)...if it works out that way, I'll be making more money and everyone will be happy!!

The only reason I really told my boss is because he's a very personable, family oriented employer, and I knew he would be supportive. Of course, not every boss is this way, so it's really up to you and what you feel comfortable with!

andyandrachel · January 2012

I told my boss at 7 weeks last time, not because had intended to, because I threw up infront of him in his garbage can. I work in a pharmacy and he (the pharmacist) wanted me to take some OTC medications for my "virus" and find out what I had to make sure I wasn't contageous. I just told him "I'm not contageous, I'm pregnant" at which point he became very excited, rushed and got me a chair and asked me all sorts of excited questions. I'm sorry your boss won't be supportive, but I hope your coworkers can help you through it.

magnetar · January 2012

I'm waiting until after the 1st trimester. The first time I told her right away (5 weeks), and at first she was really happy, but then later on (a few days) she said "Oh, I wouldn't get too excited about it, you're still early and anything can happen." Unfortunately I had a mc at 7weeks. Even after she said that she then would ask me about my plans. I also found out from one of my close friends at work, who is also a manager, that she had gone and told a VP so she could petition for more help at work, telling him that she didn't think I would come back after maternity leave. I never even mentioned any plans regarding that matter!

So in my case, due to the way it was handled, I am definitely waiting until I'm ready. I am attempting to schedule doctor visits (before I say something) for either right after work, or disguise them as other things (like a dentist appointment).

DeputiesWife · January 2012

My boss knows that I have been doing through treatment as I had to fill out FMLA paperwork. I havent shared the results of anything yet and will wait until my second ultrasound. I will share with my staff once I pass 12 weeks.

For my first - I just told him i needed to talk to him and told him at that point. We started planning how to fill my position while I was gone and that was that.

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