"You really should consider giving her formula so she doesn't suffer any more" — The Bump
Breastfeeding

"You really should consider giving her formula so she doesn't suffer any more"

....to quote my MIL.  Isn't that special?  And she said it in front of people, too.  After she said it to DH and he changed the subject & walked away from her.

She never supported me BFing DD1, asking me while I was still pregnant if I picked out a formula yet "just in case", and that I should research them & pick the best one in case BFing didn't work out.  I had horrible problems with DD: inverted nipple that resulted in severe nipple trauma, lost parts of my nipple & have scar tissue there now, got infected & took 3 different antibiotics to get rid of, then DD had reflux & was screaming & pulling away through every feeding....imagine what that does to your supply; then, she had a milk protein allergy & I had to cut out dairy.  I was so sleep deprived I had no idea what to eat, so I was starving, in pain, and still had to supplement 1/2 the time.  I finally quit after 3 months.

This time, I was determined to do better.  BFing was going so good this time, and then we found DD2 had reflux too.  I also cut out dairy just in case, easier this time because I knew what I could eat.  But DD2 remained very fussy & cries a LOT, and now her poop has turned green.  OF COURSE, the first time we found blood in her poop was at MIL's house.  Perfect, so she could stick her nose into our parenting business once again.

So this is when she said I should switch her to Alimentum like DD1 was on so that she doesn't suffer anymore.  We don't even know what's causing the blood (obviously it's not the dairy because I'm dairy-free a month now).  This is after her making several passive-agressive comments over the past weeks about how no one else can feed the baby because she needs me to eat, and how I must have enough milk because she's gaining plenty of weight.  And if I hear one more time the story of how she took DH to the pedi when he was a week old because he was crying all the time, and the pedi told her he was hungry & she needed to give him formula, I'm gonna scream. 

Oh, and she implied that my kids have allergies because I BF.  She said "Your 2 nieces don't have any allergies, do they?  And they were BFd?", and also said "Well, you have a lot of allergies....".  Um, NO, jackwagon, I'm allergic to POLLEN.  That's it.  Your SON, on the other hand, is allergic to hazelnuts, shellfish, soy, cats & dogs, and pollen, as well as being lactose intolerant and having asthma.  Her response to that was that he wasn't allergic to those things until he was older, and that because of her wonderful parenting skills, she got his asthma under control without him having to be on meds.

Honestly, we're having so much trouble with DD right now & she's miserable & I don't know why, but what's keeping me BFing is not giving my stupid MIL the satisfaction.

Yep.  That's my MIL.  And DH is an only child.  Sigh.....

Angry

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Re: "You really should consider giving her formula so she doesn't suffer any more"

  • I am sorry you are struggling so much with your MIL.  My MIL was similarly unsupportive of me bfing.  I think that so many people of that generation are just not educated about bfing.  She felt that we were going to make C obese by bfing him, and that if we'd just give him rice cereal ( at 2 weeks) that he'd be fuller and eat less, that it would be easier for us, and that he'd be less fussy ( all of this based on the 1x she'd seen him).  This continued for about 2 months.  It helped a bit when we got her a pamphlet on breastfeeding and the current medical recommendations, but it finally got to the point where I just had to tell her that it was getting to the point where it was uncomfortable for us to be around her/talk to her because of her persistence with the subject, and that we were not willing to talk about it anymore with her.  I was so nervous to put my foot down about it, but it was the only thing that finally put it to rest.  Good Luck to you.
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  • It sounds like you are having a rough time of it and she really is not helping. Can you try saying something like: Yes, this is hard and we are struggling right now, but I am determined to do it because I know its best for LO and for me and it will get better. If you're not able to be supportive right now I need to ask you to stop commenting/leave so I can work towards whats best for us in the long run. 

    You might say that rather than being passive agressive I am agressive agressive, but I found it helpful to articulate exactly what I needed from people. I also tried to remember that they at least thought they were being helpful, that no one was intentionally trying to undermine/upset me--hopefully that is true in your case as well. 

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  • I'm sorry. I know first-hand how hard it is to BF a LO with allergies and reflux. Luckly my in-laws were supportive of my decision to stick with it with DD1 (MIL breastfed both of her kids). I would let your MIL know that you feel that BF is the best decision for your child and family and that you need support at this time. If she is unwilling to give you that then I would ask her not to be in contact until your LO's feeding issues are figured out. You have enough stress already trying to figure out what is causing your LO discomfort and green poop. GL!
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  • My mother is just like this! She sees me struggling with supply issues and says "I don't know why you stress yourself out, they make perfectly good formula". She has also said that she simply does not believe all of the literature that says BFing is so beneficial, and has told me more than once that breastfeeding is gross and disrespectful to other people who have to see it.

    I finally told her that it is not up for discussion, and if I can't feed DD in peace in her presence, she will never get to spend more than 2-3hours max with DD. 

    The other day she commented on how DD has never really been sick, and she was surprised because I work as a nurse in a pediatrician's office, so who knows what kind of germs I bring home. I said "yeah, it looks like BFing is really paying off".

    Honestly, spiting my mother has been one of my motivators to continue BFing. I may even BF DD into toddlerhood. Take that, mom!

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  • Wow, how awful!

    My MIL has made comments about my BFing as well.  (She FFed her kids.)  She said BFing past 1yo is "gross" (which makes me want to do it even more, ha!), and she keeps asking WHEN OH GOD WHEN can she give LO a bottle.  She is also passive agressive, and tells me I'm doing SO GREAT with BFing my LO b/c she is obviously thriving....so I can give it up whenever I want already.  

    If it's not about BFing it's about something else, too.  Craziness. 

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  • So sorry you are dealing with a mean MIL on top of a miserable baby :-( 

    Have you tried cutting soy and eggs in addition to dairy (and have you cut hidden dairy too)?  Those are very common offenders in babies who are dairy sensitive.   I hope you can find what's causing the issues.  Hang in there!

  • image ncbelle:

    So sorry you are dealing with a mean MIL on top of a miserable baby :-( 

    Have you tried cutting soy and eggs in addition to dairy (and have you cut hidden dairy too)?  Those are very common offenders in babies who are dairy sensitive.   I hope you can find what's causing the issues.  Hang in there!

    I've definitely cut all hidden dairy.  DD was MI for 3 years so I'm familiar with all the hidden stuff.  I haven't cut out soy yet, because I'm trying block feeding to see if it's oversupply first.  I'm making a list today of things I can eat because if she's not better in another 2-3 days, I'm cutting soy, too :(

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