...Happy New Year? (slight vent, kids mentioned)

Eveanyn · December 2011

Hey, ladies! I'm borrowing a computer, so I might not be able to check this until tomorrow, but I just had to vent a little.

We've been spending the weekend going between the sides of DH's family for our Christmas get-togethers. When we showed up at the big party, everyone asked about how things were going, etc. and it started out pretty well. Then they all started asking about kids, and I looked around and realized we were the only couple who didn't have kids. All of a sudden I felt a tangible weight of the baby I was supposed to have in my arms but didn't. We've been with my niece all weekend and while I love her to pieces, it's just a painful reminder every time I hold her (or worse, when I see DH hold her) that there is an emptiness in my life that should be filled.

No one that we're with this weekend knows about our loss, so I have to try to put on a brave face and pretend like nothing's going on, because according to DH "I just need to wait until the holidays are over so we're not putting everyone in a bad mood". Oh, great, so now I'm the only one allowed to be upset? No, I'm not really mad at DH, I understand what he's getting at. I just want to be able to tell someone that I'm sad that my baby isn't here to Skype with the IL's, when they're mooning over my niece because she's their only grandchild.Yeah, you were supposed to have two. Sorry my body doesn't work like that.

Then, to make matters more frustrating, FF just moved my O date forward about ten days. While I'm not going to complain too much, because we BD'd during the right time, it just confuses the hell out of me. And now it's solid CH instead of dotted. I just want to know what my body is doing!

I'm sorry this is long and just one big *** fest. I can't do a PIP right now, but I'd give you all chocolate peppermint martinis and a huge plate of chocolate cookies. I wish each and every one of you the best and happiest new year possible. I hope you're all going to get your sticky babies in 2012!!!

Allycat11 · December 2011

I hope your night gets better. ((HUGE hugs))

If it makes you feel better, the holidays have been the same for me. Christmas Eve was the worst for me, my birth mother spent the night fawning all over her God daughter, barely said 2 words to me after not seeing me for months...and didn't even bother getting a picture of me with my siblings (one of her neccessities every year). I was trying not to bring other people down, so I ended up crying in my sister's room for awhile because I couldn't put on a happy face any more.

[Deleted User] · December 2011

Aww honey! I think we've all been where you are, and it sucks. I'm sorry you can't turn to anyone you are with right now, that is sooo frustrating!

Sending many ((hugs))your way lady.

AmKaSaw · January 2012

Oh, sweetie...I'm sorry. Sad I was totally there this weekend. Playing with my 2nd cousin, who I took care of at daycare for the first 6 months of his life, hit me like a ton of bricks. He kept reaching for me, and I couldn't hold him very long...I kept passing him off to other people.

I'm so so sorry that you had to put on a happy mask and pretend everything was ok during this...that must've made the whole thing so much harder. (((BIGHUGS)))

hungryhippo · January 2012

((huge hugs)) I'm so sorry. I know what you mean about seeing DH holding a baby and watching your baby's grandparents fawn over another grandchild.

raashton · January 2012

Sending hugs and love your way!

I am so sorry that you've had a craptastic time these past few weeks. Now that this time of year is over, I hope you find some relief and get to put away the happy mask!

More hugs!

butterfly843 · January 2012

Sending hugs.

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...Happy New Year? (slight vent, kids mentioned)

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