My going-to-be-a-new-mom challenge: learning to accept help — The Bump
February 2012 Moms

My going-to-be-a-new-mom challenge: learning to accept help

I don't know about you ladies, but I tend to be a pretty independent person and I always think I can do everything myself.  In all of the reading and preparing for this baby, one thing keeps popping up is that I have had to try and retrain my brain about: accepting help from others.  I keep feeling that urge already to say "we're fine" or "we can do it" for when baby arrives.  I am starting to realize that I would be foolish to turn down offers of actual help!  This having a newborn thing is going to be amazing, but overwhelming.  If someone wants to do the dishes, make a meal, or watch the baby so I can nap, why on earth would I play the martyr and not accept the help?  

This whole idea of letting other people do things for me is a struggle, so my last few weeks of pregnancy is going to be spent training my brain to say "yes, thank you" and graciously accepting help when it is offered.  This might be one of my biggest new mom challenges yet!  How about you ladies?  Anyone else like me struggling with this whole "other people actual just want to help make life easier for you - accept it!" concept??

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Re: My going-to-be-a-new-mom challenge: learning to accept help

  • I'm trying to tell myself I need to think that way this time around since I have a two year old at home too, but it's not easy. I didn't want ANY help when I had DD. I mean, I was fine with (and grateful for) the people who brought us meals and visited, but I didn't want anyone doing my housework or anything, and honestly, after all of the visitors in the hospital I didn't want anyone coming over our first day home (not that the in-laws listened to that one Sad )

     

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  • This is hard. Do what makes you feel good. If couping yourself up for a week with your new baby so that you can bond and be alone is what you want to do, I say do it. This is probably the most important amazing thing that you will ever experience. People understand when you want to do things yourself, especially if they are a mom too.

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  • Me, me, me! I'm right there with you. This actually hit me two days ago as I struggled to carry a box upstairs, and then proceeded to build the bookcase that was in the box. DH is more than willing to help, and will offer when he is home, but he wasn't here, and I had no thought of waiting for him to get home. I just wanted to get it done! I know once LO arrives that I will need help...it's just accepting it that is hard. 

  • I am exactly the same way. I find myself saying, "I'm fine, thank you" even though I'm really not. I also didn't want ANY help with DS1 the first few months. Not even my DH's help. I felt as though I'd failed if I couldn't be supermom right off the bat. I'm still learning to ask for help or accept it when offered, but it is still a struggle and learning experience. With DS2 coming, I think I am much more open to help this time around because I have no idea how I'm going to handle a toddler and a newborn at the same time. My MIL will stay with us for a week or so. Then my mom will fly in and stay for a few weeks, THEN my sister will come for 2 weeks after which my husband starts his paternity leave for 3 months. I'll basically have help for the first four months and I'm really grateful and relieved about it now!
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  • I have trouble accepting help all the time! And with being a FTM I really want to be able to do it all on my own, with my hubby of coarse.  But, I think I'm going to have to learn faster than I thought how to accept help. Just put on bed rest(im 33 weeks,) because of contractions. I catch myself thinking "oooohhhhh I could totally go vacuum and do the dishes while the hubby is at the store"(how I'm feeling now.) But, then I have to remind myself that I could cause harm to the baby by causing too many contractions. So, I am having to learn how to accept help. 

    It's tough for me because I have always done things for myself. I feel like you and I are very similar. But, what we have to remind ourselves is that accepting help doesn't equal failure or mean that we aren't capable of doing it ourselves. I think if we accept tiny acts of help at a time, then it won't seem like so much one our LO"s get here, ya know? 

  • I dont fear the help or mind the help, in fact I know MIL will be here for 1-2 weeks.  I dread that she is bringing SIL with her.  My SIL aggravates me to no end.  I can picture walking into my living room and she will be wearing my robe ...I'll ask why?  (knowing) she will reply well you were using it.  No I wasn't I only use it in the morning when I am getting dressed doesn't give you rights to use it now...

    Also My Dad and MIL smoke and I cant stand cigaret smoke the smell is awful, they know they are not allowed to smoke in my house but will be outside smoking and coming inside to hold my LO I will be very mad if my little guy smells of cigarets. I can tell my Dad something, but if there is one thing DH and I dont see eye to eye on its his Mom and his sister.

     Rant over ...Sorry

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  • Completely understand.  I just hosted x-mas dinner for 35+ and I was fine and sick of people telling me to sit down and "can I help".  I wanted things done a certain way and I was fine, although for this past week I have benign sleeping like I've never slept before :o)
    Now I am preparing to have a discussion with my mate about my MIL staying with us after the baby is born...which I DON'T want!  When I come back from the hospital I don't know how I will feel, but I know I don't want many people in my house.
      Need to get used to people just wanting to help
  • I'm definitely with you on this one. Especially now since I've been nesting hardcore I'd rather work myself into complete exhaustion before I ask DH for help. I'm the type of person who "likes things done/cleaned" a certain way, and I understand that if I want those things done right I have to do them myself! DH has stopped asking if I need help, and instead will just jump in and help. Somehow, over time, I'm becoming less and less guilty about DH doing dishes, or starting a load of laundry, or running the vacuum, and I'm actually getting "used" to it!
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