I really don't know what to think right now but my 20 mo son and I caught my husband watching porn from the shower!! Seriously! I'm 8 months pregnant and it's New Year's Eve and he has the "urge" to do that!! I'm literally disgusted because I can't help but feel that he did it because I'm so big fat pregnant. It's super hard not to compare yourself with a porn star NOT pregnant anyway! I know guys masturbate often but as long as I don't know or see it, its ok..out of sight out of mind. I just can't believe in the middle of the day while I'm feeding our son dinner he has some private time. I'm sick!!
What would you do?
Re: I can't believe what I caught my husband doing!!!!
Honestly, I don't give a ***. I'd probably rag on him for awhile and just ask that he do it when DS and I are in bed or another time we can't walk in on it.
I guess I just don't think occasional porn is a big deal. I wouldn't see it as he's doing it because I'm pregnant and huge, it's just a release. As long as it doesn't interfere with our lives (isn't a constant thing), no big deal.
love is for every her, love is for every him, love is for everyone
Watching it from the shower? THAT is talent.
I wouldn't be mad. it is normal and likely doesn't have anything to do with you and your awesome pregnant self.
Considering that DH and I rarely have sex these days I would understand if he felt the need to take care of himself. I would be a little freaked if I just randomly walked in on him watching porn though. I don't particularly mind if/when he does it but I would like to know about it.
I doubt your DH finds you unattractive even though you're 8 months pregnant. He may be having a hard time viewing you as a sexual being though and I think that's normal.
haha... right? I only WISH my SO did it in the shower. I've actually asked him to go "feed the ducks" ... some days he just needs to get the poison out and it's better than finding a pre-pubescent-style sock wadded up on the floor!
All kidding aside... honestly, when I was younger (I am turning 40 in 2012), I would be so upset when the issue of porn would come up with a boyfriend. But, now that I am a little older and a (slightly) more secure person... I honestly don't care. Men are visual creatures... and when they need a release, they can accomplish that in 2.5 seconds with porn. As long as your husband doesn't become fixated -- or turn you down and then turn to porn... I would try not to let it bother me.
I've also "caught" my SO -- and, while I admit... my first reflex was to think ... "man, he'd rather look at that, then my fat-pregnant-ass" ... I came to understand, that it has absolutely nothing to do with me... and it just makes his day easier to get thru, by having that release... I have been on pelvic rest and haven't been able to give it up for months, how can I blame the poor guy?!?
This!
FTR, I don't give it up at all lately and DH has a different sex drive than me right now. I expect him to be respectful of me not giving him any but I have to respect that he needs some. Porn/masturbation is better than cheating as long as its not affecting our relationship.
I guess I'm sort of the odd man out...
1.) I would not be ok at all with my hubs watching porn ever. We're Christians, it's totally against our mutual morals, and I don't feel it's something he ever "needs" to do if he's happy with me. Why would he need to see other people, unrealistic women, having sex? How would that ever benefit him? I don't think it's healthy for him as a person, or for our family, for our marriage.
2.) I am torn on the subject of mastrubation. If I havent been able to give him any, and he feels the need to "release", then ok... I get it, as long as its not inhibiting our sex life... I won't like it, I'll probably worry he's wanting someone else or that I'm inadequate... But I'll keep my mouth shut about it. Jacking off to the images of other women... No. Abso-freaking-lutely not. I'd flip my sh!t... And not feel a bit bad doing it.
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I agree with this!
We are Christian as well, but we are also human. DH is happy with me and I know this, but I also know he looks at porn. Doesn't make him less Christian.
I'm with this crowd on this one. We both need release when the other is not around or not in the mood (or it's just not a good time) and it's perfectly acceptable to go get it. Me? I just think about sexy stuff to get going. However, my husband need to SEE sexy stuff to get going.
But I also think he shouldn't have been doing it where your DS could walk it; that's the part that deserves a discussion.
We aren't "Holy Rollers" by any means, but we are honest enough to say that we know porn isn't cool with God, therefore we don't watch it. It might not make him less Christian, but it's still not right and out of the will of God. I won't get into a "which sin is worse" debate, because I know that aside from blasphemy, they are all equal sins to God. But where I'm from, the words "I'm a Christian" and "I think its ok to watch porn" don't ever go in the same sentence
212 Facebook Admin.
Interesting conversations going on. . . I'm not even going to touch the religion comments.
Does you DH already know how you feel about porn/masterbation? If so than yes, you can be upset. If not, you probably need to have that talk with him. Well, either way you should tell him how you feel. (And I doubt he finds you unattractive!)
I'm totally on the opposite side of the issue than you- I actually encourage my H to masterbate (as we haven't done much of anything in the last 3 or more months. . .I feel bad) and if he wanted to watch porn I'd be fine with that too. . . as long as it wasn't kids or violent- just your run of the mill overly larged boobed fake women.
Either way he shouldn't have done it where your kid could catch him.
If you have issues with it talk to him about. However he needs to learn to be more on the DL on it. I know kids can walk in on parents having sex too but trying to what you can to prevent it is a wise thing.
I masterbate when I need to and yes sometimes I will read something or watch something. It doesn't mean my marriage is weak if either of us does this every now and then.
I could've written this.
BFP 2/25/09
HCG 3/6=518 3/8=1230
1st Ultrasound 3/18 FHR=103
2nd U/S 3/20 FHR=118!!
3rd U/S 4/1 FHR=169
BIG U/S 5/22=IT'S A BOY! FHR-148
DS Born October 30, 2009
BFP 5/27/11 Stick baby, stick!
HCG 5/31=140 P=9 HCG 6/2=292 P=11
1ST Ultrasound 6/15 FHR=109!!
U/S 8/18=IT'S A BOY! FHR-141
I hope that everything has simmered on the home base - hopefully a healing conversation has come out of this whole thing for you two. i would be crushed to find my man doing that if i walked in with my LO - embarassed, hurt, angry and feeling a little left out. especially if we hadn't already set up boundaries or dialogued about the current state of our physical relationship and sexual needs.
every couple handles sex and their needs/wants differently. i don't like finding hidden porn in my house (and i have, and have either a) chucked it and freaked out or b) called him from home to tell him i was just eating lunch and watching one of his movies and then teased him mercilessly on his choices.) hiding is not okay. you wanna do that, watch that? don't hide it from me, talk to me about it.
as for the "takin' care of business" issue - lock the freakin' door. please.
You got it, I don't really care all that much at all. But if it comes between us, then we will have huge issues.
Try not to be too sensitive about it, but ask him to lock the door so the kiddo's don't walk in, that's not okay.
Fair enough-- you make an excellent point(s), and quite frankly I would probably be hurt if I actually caught DH in the act, even though I like to stand on my soapbox and say I wouldn't care. It's one thing to say you don't mind knowing they do it and another to walk in on it.
My husband and I have had issues with this in the past. I have no problem with him masturbating, but him masturbating to other women really offends me. I have tried to be open to the idea that it is "normal" for men to watch porn, and I just can't accept that. In our relationship, there is no reason for him to look at other women just to satisfy himself. I have been on pelvic rest for the last 7 weeks, and am now on bed rest, and we still manage to make it work for him.
I would talk to him. You have every right to feel the way that you do, but he needs to know how you feel, and holding it all in won't help. You also have to be willing to work with him on it and come to some sort of consensus on the topic. I've offered to let my husband take pictures of me so that if he needs something to look at, at least it will be me. Prior to marrying him, I would have never considered that, but I love him and want him to be happy too, but not at the expense of my feelings.
Best of luck!
Couldn't have said it better myself. COMPLETELY agree!
Even though it does not blatantly state that pornography is a sin or that God is not okay with it, the principle is addressed. It does say in Matthew 5:28 "If a man looks on a woman to lust after her, he has committed adultery with her already in his heart."
Thank you, I couldn't have said it better myself.
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This exactly!! DH is always hinting at wanting me, but I am just not there right now. I am so swollen down there it is the last thing I want. In my opinion all men fantasize about naked women when they masterbate, so whether it's in his mind or on a tv screen does not make a difference to me. I'm just happy he has a way to get satisfied without pressuring me. Watching porn really does just make it faster, I know cause I've watched it myself when he's out of town!
Men are going to lust after women whether it's a porn star or a waitress he saw. As long as it's only in his mind I could care less. Just last night I was totally lusting after Bradly Cooper watching Hangover II! That DOES NOT make me an unfaithful wife. (and even though I'm not in the mood now, I will be putting him in my mental file for future "me time"
Unless it's really bothering you don't worry too much, just tell him to be smarter and lock the door next time so you don't have to witness it.