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Wedding/bachelorette party = guilt

mars724mars724 member
in Multiples

Okay, so I'm supposed to be in a wedding that will take place when I'm about 37 weeks, which I assume I'm going to have to miss. But now the bride has asked me to go on her bachelorette party weekend at about 35 weeks to a city about 4 hours away. 

I tried to talk to one of my other friends about it and her response was, "I"m sure there are hospitals up there." which I thought was kind of insensitive.  I feel bad already that I'm going to most likely miss the wedding, and now I have to tell her I don't think I can go on her party weekend either. 

I feel guilty and like my friends don't understand that my pregnancy is a little more complicated than their singleton ones. They all lived normal lives, worked up until their due dates and all that. I don't know how to break it to my best friend/bride that I don't want to risk being that far away at that point in my pregnancy (not to mention the 4 hour car ride each way). 

any advice?  

Married 07/2011 <3
ID Twin girls 04/2012 <3<3
Baby #3 Due Jan. 2017  <3


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Re: Wedding/bachelorette party = guilt

  • leslie13510leslie13510

    You feel guilty that you're "letting down" these so called "friends" who are clearly too self-centered to give a shiit about the risks of your pregnancy?  They don't sound like very good friends to me.  If this bride is really your best friend, you shouldn't have to explain anything about it.  You're going to be damn near full term with twins (if you're lucky enough to still be pregnant by that time).  What kind of best friend gets mad at you for not traveling in that situation?

    And I don't know many OB's who would be ok with letting a woman pregnant with a singleton drive 4 hours one way at 35 weeks either.  When they bully you about it, ask them if they're going to pay for your possible weeks long hotel stay in a city 4 hours away from home, while your babies are in the NICU there waiting to be released.  And your hospital bills when your insurance doesn't cover the delivery and NICU stay, because no doctor in their right mind would allow a woman 35 weeks pregnant with twins to travel so far from home. 

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  • xxyankeegrl823xxxxyankeegrl823xx
    imageleslie13510:

    You feel guilty that you're "letting down" these so called "friends" who are clearly too self-centered to give a shiit about the risks of your pregnancy?  They don't sound like very good friends to me.  If this bride is really your best friend, you shouldn't have to explain anything about it.  You're going to be damn near full term with twins (if you're lucky enough to still be pregnant by that time).  What kind of best friend gets mad at you for not traveling in that situation?

    And I don't know many OB's who would be ok with letting a woman pregnant with a singleton drive 4 hours one way at 35 weeks either.  When they bully you about it, ask them if they're going to pay for your possible weeks long hotel stay in a city 4 hours away from home, while your babies are in the NICU there waiting to be released.  And your hospital bills when your insurance doesn't cover the delivery and NICU stay, because no doctor in their right mind would allow a woman 35 weeks pregnant with twins to travel so far from home. 

     

    1000% agree with all of this. My OB told me no traveling more then a hour away after 32 weeks. Ask your OB about traveling that far along I can guarantee they will not allow it.

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  • huntertwinhuntertwin member
    Don't let them guilt trip you like that. Your babies come first, and your friends should be more sensitive. They probably have no idea what you're going through, and the risks you face. Maybe you could sit your BFF down over coffee and explain to her gently about how you're not being a paranoid crazyperson, that you wish you could be there with her and all that, but that it's just not safe for you to take part at that time? That way, at least she would understand that there is no reason to take it personally or to blame you.
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  • meagamomma2bemeagamomma2be

    Blame it on your OB.  My OB would not let (highly recommended against) me traveling 2hrs at 30w.

    Also, try not to be offended by her insensitive comments.  She's just clueless (as most of us were before being pg w/ multiples).

     good luck!

     

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  • mlmulcahmlmulcah
    imagemeagamomma2be:

    Blame it on your OB.  My OB would not let (highly recommended against) me traveling 2hrs at 30w.

    Also, try not to be offended by her insensitive comments.  She's just clueless (as most of us were before being pg w/ multiples).

     good luck!

     

    I have to agree.  I think most people don't understand.  Even when I mention it to people, they tend to forget or kind of blow it off.  Tell her you are really sorry and if she is a good enough friend, she will understand. Help with her shower, or whatever pre-wedding activities you can help and support her in and don't get guilted into doing more than you can do.

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  • Haven1Haven1

    I'm one of the most laid-back people on this board, and 4 hours in a car at 35 weeks would be a hell no even for me.  Don't feel guilty in the least. You're growing people.

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  • MrsLntMrsLnt member

    I had zero complications and went full term but my MFM told me around 28 weeks forward that I shouldn't plan on going anywhere that I wasn't comfortable delivering.  Things can turn on a dime. There are ladies on this board that had easy pregnancies until their water broke at 33, 34, 35 weeks out of nowhere.

    Even if you carried these babies 40 weeks, at 35 weeks I can assure you that you will not feel like a bachelorette weekend. At 35 weeks I was beached on the couch 98% of the time.

    They are the ones that should feel guilty for treating you like that. 

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  • emschottemschott member
    I agree, there's no way.  My OB did let me travel 2 hours to my parents' house for Christmas last weekend, but even that wasn't a given.  The Thursday before, my cervix was still good.  And even then, he told me which hospital to go to, and we had a bag packed just in case.  I barely felt like going to a dealership and signing papers for a new minivan tonight, much less going to a bachelorette party.  I wouldn't even consider it, and neither will your doctors.  Blame it on them, if you have to, but don't let them make you feel bad.
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  • mars724mars724 member

    Thanks ladies, I'm going to tell them my doctors advise against it. I'm honestly embarrassed to even ask him about it because I know how ridiculous it is. 

    I just wish I had a little more understanding/support from my friends instead of guilt. and I know they don't understand and are clueless, but I just wish they did.

     

    Thank you for relieving my guilt and making me feel like I'm not a crazy person! 

    Married 07/2011 <3
    ID Twin girls 04/2012 <3<3
    Baby #3 Due Jan. 2017  <3


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  • macchiattomacchiatto member
    Don't feel guilty AT ALL! I'd explain briefly to your friends that a twin pregnancy is different--both higher-risk and you'll also be much bigger and more uncomfortable by that stage than you would be with one baby. If they still give you a hard time after a simple explanation, then I agree they're not being real friends to you. :(
    fraternal twin boys born january 2009
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