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Anyone feel pressure from co-workers from returning too early?

traveltheworldtraveltheworld member
in Working Moms
I never thought I'd have this problem.  I work in BigLaw and recently told my firm that I'm pregnant.  I've always planned to take no more than 4 - 6 months off, and almost universally, the reaction I got was "really?!?!?!  You are coming back to work THAT early?  The baby is so still small!"  It probably doesn't help that all the partners at the firm are men and their wives have all more or less decided to stay home after having children.  So now I feel like they think that I'm not being a responsible parent.  Has anyone come across this before?  
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Re: Anyone feel pressure from co-workers from returning too early?

  • UsedToBeGoldieUsedToBeGoldie member
    where do you live?  here in NJ, which is one of the best states for maternity leave, it's common to take 4 months as a max.  Some people take longer (teachers can take a year and hold their position, etc) but in general 4 months is the most the average person gets - many getting even less.... and again, NJ has some of the best maternity leave options in the US.
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  • calamityeyescalamityeyes

    I'm in BigLaw too - the norm in my office seems to be 4 months (this is also our max paid leave post-birth), and I worry that it is too much time.  Lots of recent babies too - but mostly among junior-mid-level... very few senior associate mothers.  Very very few partner mothers.

    I think it depends on practice group also - I'm among very few women in my practice group, and the men that have had babies are literally on the blackberry in the delivery room, take almost no time off, and have either SAHM wives or wives that work part time max.  Only the partners seem to take paternity leave.  Other practice groups that are "friendlier" - no question on 4 months.  Haven't at all seen the "coming back to work early" thing... that would be something!

     

     

     

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  • steph0501steph0501 member
    Ugh, I would love 4 months!!  I am a nurse in illinois and the most FMLA will approve is 3 months with only 4 weeks paid at 40%.  I told them I was taking all 12 weeks and some thought it was too much time off! 
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  • traveltheworldtraveltheworld member

    I'm in Canada - we get 12 months maternity leave by law.  But the amount of money you get from the government is minimal, so most big law firms "top up" your salary for 4 months, and then the remaining 8 months you just rely on the governmental benefits.  

    I'm in mergers and acquisitions and structured finance, so I had always thought that the partners would be thrilled to know that I don't plan on taking a full year off.  That's why it was so surprising for me that everyone is reacting like I'm an awful parent for planning to "come back early".

    It probably doesn't help that the only associates who took maternity leave at my firm in the past 5 years have all been in other practice groups and they all took a full year off. 

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  • bgf1bgf1 member
    I wouldn't worry too much about what your co-workers say.  Once the baby is here you will be shocked by the things that people feel free to offer their opinion on.  You have to do what is right for you.  I am a professional and I also didn't plan to take the full year off.  I was shocked by how much I loved my time at home with my son and I ended up taking the year after all so maybe the people at work had similar experiences and this is why they are surprised that you are only planning on 4 months off.
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  • wheelsonthebuswheelsonthebus member
    I have to say, I didn't have that reaction with my first pregnancy. I told my company I was taking 12 weeks (the max allowed) and they were not happy. They actually changed the policy to 6 weeks for anyone after me. I think 4-6 months is awesome!

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  • The_Jen626The_Jen626

    My previous company had a very generous leave plan.  It was common to take 4-6 months. 

    I took 10 weeks, then went back 3 days a week.  My coworker had her baby a year later in October, and came back in March (so about 5 months).  I didn't really get any grief about it, but a few people made comments.  I just didn't have the desire to SAH with an infant at that time, and I was ready to go back to work at 10 weeks. 

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  • jenny1980jenny1980 member

    Ah, you're Canadian.

    In the US, the max most people are granted is around 12 weeks, so it would be very unusual to find anyone critical of a 4-6 month leave as too short.

     

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  • FancyFrenchieFancyFrenchie member
    Yeah, I think the difference is that you're in Canada and therefore everyone knows you're entitled to 1 year and therefore don't understand why you wouldn't take advantage of it. Either way, in the end, it's up to you. Some people are happy with 6 weeks, some want 6 months or more...
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