Telling my Stepkids
oprastr
member
Hi Everyone! Brand new here, just found out I was pregnant...I'm 5 weeks and 1 day today.
Just a little background, my DH and I have been married for 1.5 years, we have a 13 year age difference between us and he has 2 children (10 and 11) from his first marriage. His kids are great, we have a great relationship, his ex-wife is fine too. We have the best situation possible where we all sit together at dance recitals and basketball games, I answer the phone when she calls etc.
Anyway, like I said his kids are great and while I think his daughter (the 11 year old) won't be ecstatic about the news I would like to find a creative and fun way to invlove them and tell them. Just before we got married she had mentioned that no one would pay any attention to her if there was a baby around (not in a snotty way at all just in conversation). So, I would really like to do something special for them when we tell them so they know they are still a priority in our lives. So, I am looking for ideas to honor the stepkids while telling them about the new addition to our family.
Thanks!
Re: Telling my Stepkids
Outside of you and your DH allowing her to be in the room briefly to hear the heartbeat, I would not bring a 11 year old to the appointments. I just don't think you have to go to that extreme to get her to feel okay with it.
Wait until you are 3 months along and then sit all of the kids down and break the news to them. If you have a great relationship with the mother, DH should let her know right after you tell them all and to ask that she please help her adjust if SD reacts badly.
You can then have her help you decorate the baby's room, pick out baby stuff, and just keep talking to her about it and showing her lots of love. Your DH is the one who really needs to kick in and make sure that SD really feels loved and not forgotten.
Maybe I'm in the dark on this one but I had no idea taking your kids to an ultrasound/appt was extreme. I've hauled all our kids at some point or another to my appts and they love going and hearing the heartbeat.
That's what I meant.
I was just saying that I wouldn't have wanted a step child sitting in the entire appointment with my doctor during the discussion of all the other, more private and personal things. Nor do I think she should sit alone in the waiting room or ask the nurses to babysit while the kid(s) waited while I peed in a cup or the rest of the appointment to finish. That's why I defined it and said that her husband should be there.
I also just don't think it's necessary to bring your step children to a doctor's office to help make them feel included or like they are getting enough attention. And some mothers - maybe even BM's that you get along good with - might take issue with you taking their child to your doctor's appointment. So discuss with her first and ask what she thinks will be helpful.
I also had one more thought to add aside from this - be careful you don't spoil her or coddle her too much on this. It may have the opposite affect and she may think if she sulks and whines about being neglected that she'll get all the attention and everything she wants. Just be smart in how you try to put her at ease.