Update to relationship post
OctGirl80
member
Thanks for all the support ladies. H & I spent the day on the phone. There was yelling, screaming, and crying from both of us. Then we ended up with exhausted talking. He even said he thought our marriage was great before K came along, we had some really rough patches since but he thought it was getting better. One of our main problems is his inability to actually hear what I say to him so any problems I talk to him about go in one ear and out the other.
We're going to do even more talking tonight. He doesn't want me to leave and he wants the marriage we had back (obviously, we have K now, but I know what he means). I'm going to insist on counseling. We've just reached the point that we're really not communicating well for more than short periods anymore.
I'm actually already on meds for PPD but H thinks they aren't enough (he thinks he knows better than the dr). H has an issue where he thinks meds are a cure-all. I've been trying for a long time to make him understand that they aren't wonder drugs but he hasn't gotten it yet. And yes, money is really tight right now and I do believe he is resentful. It's just one of many problems at this point.
I don't know where we'll go from here. Hopefully things will get better.
Thank you again for all the support and letting me vent. Cookies for all.
Re: Update to relationship post
Im sorry it has been such a struggle. Hope the new year brings you guys closer together.
Thinking of you.
Hey, I just logged onto this board for the first time today and caught your posts. Sorry you had another fight today. Babies definitely make marriage much harder. I know H and I have had some bumps this year. I'm glad you got to talk things out today. Hopefully you can keep talking and really communicating.
I am glad that he opened up and talked tonight and plans to sit down and have further discussion. I am a mental health therapist and its tough. If he has never been to counseling you might see if there is a hospital in the area that does free assessments. I work in crisis and we do free Level of Care assessments to help guide couples to the right therapist. It's nice sometimes for a H to come to this first because it introduces him to therapy and its a lot of staight forward questions that come out during the assessment. Also if money is tight make sure you know your co-pays first. Same, typically, as a Doctors appointment. (20$ session for us) If you go 4 times a month that 80$ and when your tight for money that can hurt. Check with your local university. If they have a PHD or Master's program the students have to do practicum hours in a clinic on campus. My university charged 5-10$ a session and you could come as much as you wanted since insurance was not involved. Let me know if you have questions.
But give him hugs for at least opening up. Being a therapist my H refuses to see one since he has the nagging wife/therapist at home. We need to go ourselves (financial problems, marriage not the same, lack of freedom because of baby, etc...) but he won't go.