baby with the inlaws? — The Bump
Babies: 9 - 12 Months

baby with the inlaws?

I'm so full of questions today.

 My DH (soon to be XH), myself, and DD had plans to go to TX from MN for his cousins wedding in a few weeks. His whole side of the family- parents, brothers and their wives, all their kids, etc. are all caravanning down there.

Since things have been rocky, and getting much rockier (Christmas was a disaster) and I have kicked out not-so-DH, I have decided DD and I won't be going to TX. Now, DH's family is throwing a huge fit, and saying I'm keeping DD away from them (they are planning on taking a granddaughters pic with other grandkids in TX, and my baby will be the only one not in it). I trust my in-laws, BUT I can't stand the thought of my DD being across the country from me with my soon-to-be Ex Inlaws and husband for 4 days.

Am I not letting her go for valid reasons? She's barely 1.. I can't stand to be without my baby for that long... :(

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Re: baby with the inlaws?

  • I wouldn't let mine go. HUGS.
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  • I might be the unpopular opinion but unless you have a legit court document stating that you are the custodial parent - I wouldn't trust my STB ex-H to take my child out of state or anywhere for that matter.  When is the wedding?  Since you just kicked your H out, maybe it's time you quickly file a separation agreement stating with whom the child lives with primarily and outline the visitation the dad is going to have.  If custody is established befoer the wedding, I probably wouldn't be so nervous about it.  But that's the first thing that jumps out at me.

    ETA:  I don't think you are overreacting & if in your position I wouldn't let my baby go either.  But def get that custody agreement, who knows what he is capable of.  People can get crazy with divorces. 

     

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  • imageITGurl0626:

    I might be the unpopular opinion but unless you have a legit court document stating that you are the custodial parent - I wouldn't trust my STB ex-H to take my child out of state or anywhere for that matter.  When is the wedding?  Since you just kicked your H out, maybe it's time you quickly file a separation agreement stating with whom the child lives with primarily and outline the visitation the dad is going to have.  If custody is established befoer the wedding, I probably wouldn't be so nervous about it.  But that's the first thing that jumps out at me.

    ETA:  I don't think you are overreacting & if in your position I wouldn't let my baby go either.  But def get that custody agreement, who knows what he is capable of.  People can get crazy with divorces. 

     

     

    Unfortunately, I think you're right. There's no way it's not going to go down ugly considering how Christmas went... UGH what a mess :(  If anyone has any more helpful advice, please share. All support/advice concerning this topic is welcome. Advice from my family is very biased and sometimes has me second-guessing what is right vs. what is selfish.

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  • I know it sounds crazy but I think you should force a smile on your face and go to the wedding.  That way, your baby stays with you.  ALSO, it shows your in-laws that you are being accomodating and letting them spend time with your daughter, so if there is a messy custody battle, you have that on your side already.

    I can't imagine being in this situation.  I am not the biggest fan of my in-laws, and we were supposed to go visit FOR THE DAY after Christmas.  I had a legit reason (my brother was in town), but it killed me that my hubby took the baby with him, and they live only 2 hours away-- not even close to out of state.  Good luck!  Keep us posted on what you decide.

    Stephanie Hsu
  • No way would I let that happen. Caravanning with my 10 month old would be a bad idea all around. Add in the distance, which would take several days to cover, the fact that mommy isn't there, it's a recipe for disasters in my eyes. Ditto pp, start getting your paperwork filed. Also, start documenting things if you haven't already. Judges like it when you have everything in order and on paper. It makes it easier for them and it makes you look better.

    Stay strong, mama. You've got some tough days ahead. Lots of hugs, t & p.

  • I broke the news to one of my SILs today that DD and I wont be going to TX. Just a matter of time before the in laws hear this. Wish me luck. I've decided no matter what goes down- we're not going. Filled out my dissolution paperwork. Heartbreaking.
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