I really thought we were doing good. A couple nights ago, h came home and started being a jerk, getting pissy because I hadn't yet talked to my therapist about meds. I appeased him by saying I would next time. This morning I was in a great mood, feeling like I'd get loads of stuff done. Until I talked to H. He's so negative and critical, I just can't take it anymore. He made a few comments (which of course, he sees nothing wrong with) and in a matter of minutes, we were both yelling, swearing and I was crying. He tells me that I'm never nice to him, but how can I want to be nice when all he does is tell me that I'm not doing anything, that I'm always wrong, he's sorry he's done stuff for me.
just can't do this anymore, but I'll admit it. I'm scared to leave. I love him and I want this to work. I just feel that if I leave, he'll never give it another chance. Even his own therapist described him as volatility. How am supposed to work with that. He's so hung up on not being in debt that he doesn't want to borrow money from his parents for another car that we really need. (his parents serving position that they can and generously offered). He's so full of his stupid pride that it's killing us. He refuses to ask for help, refuses to accept that we could really use it right now.
I'm sitting in our pos truck in the bank parking lot crying and feeling like throwing up while I wait for K to wake to drop off our mortgage payment that is due tomorrow. Sorry for being so scattered, I'm just really at a loss right now. I can't talk to my family. The last time my mom was aware that we were having an argument (if you remember my disasters of an anniversary in October), she told me that in a marriage, you need to suck things up. Obviously, she's not exactly supportive. If you made it through all that, have a cookie. Hell, have a dozen.