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Do you and DH have different parenting styles?

mmttcmmttc
in Success after IF

How do you deal with it? I hate how DH handles discipline with DD. He thinks she should listen instantly and if not starts yelling. I HATE the yelling and usually hell at him for doing it. It's not working at all. 

I do raise my voice, but I save it for when I think it really matters. Like she's doing something she could hurt herself doing. My thought is if he or we are always yelling she's not going to listen to anything and just start ignoring us. If its something not that important I'd much rather distract her with something else than URL stop.

 How do we agree on how to discipline or do we just do our own thing? 

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Re: Do you and DH have different parenting styles?

  • desabeandesabean member
    I think our philosophies are very similar.  However, I am sure that we both go about implementation that irritates the other.  For example, DH tries to explain why G is in timeout while she is there, screaming and crying.  I just let her sit in time out and then afterwards, when she is calming down I ask if she knows why she was there and remind her of the rules.  I feel like she has a *better* chance of getting it that way....but who knows.
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  • krissyh21krissyh21 member
    H doesn't discipline at all and that pisses me off because I don't want to always be the bad guy and think it sends mixed messages when biting gets a immediate time out from me and a simple "stop that ha-ha" from dad. I did finally get H to stop saying "your mother doesn't want you doing that" - so baby steps... I guess!
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  • flbeachcoupleflbeachcouple
    DH is the "fun" parent because he is away from home several days at a time. I hate it. I understand he misses out but he needs to suck it up sometimes. I feel like this is a battle I will never win Tongue Tied
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  • mmttcmmttc

    imagedesabean:
    I think our philosophies are very similar.  However, I am sure that we both go about implementation that irritates the other.  For example, DH tries to explain why G is in timeout while she is there, screaming and crying.  I just let her sit in time out and then afterwards, when she is calming down I ask if she knows why she was there and remind her of the rules.  I feel like she has a *better* chance of getting it that way....but who knows.

    I agree with you about time outs. I put her in time out and wait for her to calm down. DH puts her in time out and starts telling or yelling for her to stop crying. This only makes her cry more because now she's bring yelled at. I tell him it's not helping, but he doesn't get it. He wants instant compliance. My way takes much less time. 

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  • Mrs.ReemMrs.Reem
    imagemmttc1:

    I agree with you about time outs. I put her in time out and wait for her to calm down. DH puts her in time out and starts telling or yelling for her to stop crying. This only makes her cry more because now she's bring yelled at. I tell him it's not helping, but he doesn't get it. He wants instant compliance. My way takes much less time. 

    This is us too. DH constantly yells at them for crying. I absolutely don't discipline for big emotions. I irritate him because he says I'm too laid back and he irritates me because he expects them to jump to it the second he tells them to do or not do something. I struggle with trying not to undermine his authority but there are also  times where he's teaching the girls something or playing soccer with them and he's very condescending or expects too much for their age. That's where I really have to step in and often have the girls "help" me with something. I won't have my girls' confidence killed because daddy doesn't understand how to deal with children.

    I've tried explaining the benefits of the way I do things. It doesn't really stick for long. 

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  • perry7285perry7285 member

    i think it is very important to agree on a discipline system and stick to it together. could you maybe have a meeting with a pediatrician or child psychologist that could help you guys agree on a system? having a third party help  might be easier than coming to a compromise on your own.

    in general, DH and i are very different, although discipline isn't really an issue yet. but i am much more doting and cuddly and DH expects him to be a little tougher (he is slower to pick him up, etc.). when consistency matters, though, we find a compromise (which sometimes involves very intense fighting, to tell you the truth) and then stick to whatever system we agreed upon. 

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