Attachment Parenting
my4pups
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Never planned on this but...
my4pups
member
we have become a bed-sharing family! I was actually really against the idea, however my husband guilted me into it because he will go days at a time not seeing our DS because of a very demanding work schedule. The only time he has to be with DS is bed time, so I felt so bad that I would let DS sleep with us sometimes.... well "sometimes" has turned into every night and now I am freaking out about teaching him how to sleep in his own crib again. How do you do it? Is it difficult? WHEN do you do it?? He is 8 months old now, what is the age when most people stop bedsharing??
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Re: Never planned on this but...
Your ticker says that you are super pregnant!
Do it for as long as it works for your family. What was your reasoning for not wanting to bedshare? Has your mind been changed or are you still being "guilted" into it?
We started transitioning Catie around 15 months because nobody was sleeping well anymore and DH was on the couch more often than not. In different circumstances I'd happily bedshare for several years.
Haha I know I keep meaning to get rid of that ticker
Don't get me wrong, I love having DS next to me, but I was always against it because I thought it would make it a nightmare for him to learn how to sleep on his own when he is older rather than when he was younger... how do you begin to transition them when they are older without getting them extremely upset??
Also, it kind of puts a damper on things that normally happen in our bed, if you catch my drift!
Catie was old enough that I could talk her through what change was going to happen. We started with naps, so I'd tell her that instead of laying in bed with mommy we were going to try her big girl crib. I started a different sleep routine at the same time (reading books, snuggling and singing in her room) and she loved that, so I think she saw it as a net change for the good.
After naps had been going well for a few weeks I started with bedtime. I'd put her down in her crib (after the same sleep routine for naps) but if she got upset I'd bring her into bed with me after midnight or so.
To be honest with you I did end doing a modified (more gentle, shorter intervals) Ferberizing at around 18 months to get her to sleep through the night, but I know lots of other people that have avoided CIO during the transition.
And just do it somewhere else
I think that sleep can be a dynamic thing and it varies by child. Some children never like to sleep in a crib even though the parents try to force it. Some kids will do fine in their crib for a while, then have a tough time whenever they hit a development change or a growth spurt. So even families who don't start out bedsharing may still end up dealing with the same challenges as the child gets older. Bedsharing doesn't have to be a crutch that ruins independent sleep. Just like starting a child off sleeping solo isn't a magic method that will guarantee independent sleep in the future.
As for how long bedsharing should take place: It depends on your family's needs/preferences. Some families enjoy it until the child is in school. Some enjoy it until the child is 2 years old. Some families only do it when the child is sick or too scared to be in his own room.
How you do it also varies. Some children love the idea of picking out special bedding and decorating their room with special objects then love the idea of sleeping in their own space. Some parents have to lie with the child then leave once the child falls asleep. I don't know that I'd worry about it now.
However, it does sound like you're not committed to bedsharing, so you might need to discuss it with your DH further.
We loved our time bedsharing and it only ended because DS had started to crawl and we'd wake up to find him romping over us in our sleep. It wasn't safe for us anymore. We had the bed against two walls and a bedrail but that wasn't enough. We still co-sleep but he's in his crib a few feet away. DH didn't want to put the bed on the floor - and I didn't want him to be able to get out and crawl around the room unmonitored. We don't go to bed at the same time as him.
I agree with PP that it's pretty clear you aren't really into the idea so it would be best to discuss with DH. We all slept together in harmony and if there had been a grudge I think LO would have felt that.
I guess I'll include that we made the switch close to a month ago - DS was 10 weeks early so he's only 7 mo adjusted/developmentally though catching up with gross motor!