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Obsessing

weddedwifeweddedwife member
in Late Term and Child Loss
I find myself daydreaming a LOT about baby names. Nathaniel was the only boy name we ever chose so it will be hard to find another boy name that we like, should we be so lucky. I also find myself going through the calendar in my phone, over and over, trying to predict my cycles, when I might ovulate, when we could get pregnant and when I would be due. Is anyone else doing this?

It feels like dangerous behavior to me. I did this a lot when I was pregnant with Nathaniel- I had everything all planned out- my maternity leave, how many months he would be by DD's bday, etc. and then all our plans were shot to hell when we lost him. Should I force myself to stop doing this? I feel like I'm setting myself up for a fall. Is this sound abnormal/unhealthy for me to be doing this?
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Re: Obsessing

  • ruthymusneyruthymusney member
    I'm the same way. I hope we're not alone. It's very scary to me. I feel crazy...
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  • drvst8drvst8 member
    I think you are inside my head right now. Because everything you just said is what I'm doing. I can't help it. Plus I've been peeing on Ovulation sticks to make sure I'm ovulating again...I've never done this before. I guess I'm just paranoid.
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  • magdalina.hmagdalina.h member
    I didn't do that, but it doesn't sound abnormal or unhealthy. I did stop looking towards future things, like trying to live in the now instead of trying to plan. My mom still says things that make me cringe like "This summer, we'll take him to the zoo" I don't want to plan that because what if something happens.
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  • johnnys junejohnnys june member
    I agree.  It's normal.  I personally believe that the "obession" is one more way our minds and hearts are trying to work through all the other myriad of emotions.  It's something to focus on other than our grief, yet they're so intertwined.  *hugs*
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  • hewinkedhewinked
    I did all that before my loss.  I think it's a way of trying to control TTC when there is no way to have any control over it. 
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  • Petunia844Petunia844 member
    I hope it's not a sign of crazy or else I'm right there with you.  I'm obsessing right now, I POAS WAY too many times right before/on Christmas because I so desperately wanted some hope with me on my Christmas day... I realize now that I had to face that day without it.  Now today is day 28 of my cycle (who knows how long it will be b/c who knows if it's regulated yet) and I'm so torn if I should POAS tomorrow... I want to know if I can drink NYE, but I'm terrified of seeing another BFN and starting my NY off that way.  ::sigh::  I still can't believe I'm back here again.
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  • AmyG2bAmyG2b member
    I could have written this post myself. I am doing/feeling everything you're describing. Sometimes I wonder if I'm stressing myself out to the point where my body can't ovulate or get normal again. My period is all out of whack and I am taking provera for the second time to get it going. I hate that I'm here again. 
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  • nuttycoconutnuttycoconut member
    I'm doing the same thing. We have been thinking of boy names since the day we got married and only agreed on 1 so I have no idea how we will pick another if we have another boy. Plus I talked to the RE today and asked when I can do IVF again and it's only been 3 weeks since we lost the twins!
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  • weddedwifeweddedwife member

    imagejohnnys june:
    It's something to focus on other than our grief, yet they're so intertwined.

    This is so true!

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  • pottermommypottermommy member

    Nope totally normal.  It is a way of taking something that is erratic and out of control and scary and making it organized and easier to comprehend.

    Is it going to follow all of the index cards and dates and things that you have figures out...probabally not but you are amking huge steps!!! You are planning when you know it is unplannable and it makes you feel better and more secure and it is totally and completely normal!!! And healthy too!!

     

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  • Buckets of MoonbeamsBuckets of Moonbeams
    I did obsess over my fertility which is funny because I was pregnant pretty much immediately after my loss.  I don't think it can be helped.
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