My MIL and GMIL took my son to see Santa for the first time.

mstover · December 2011

Yes, that's right, folks. My Mother in law and grandmother in law took my son to see Santa for his first time. Without telling me, without asking me, without so much as even a mention that they were going somewhere special. Nothing. They went and bought him a new outfit for the occasion and everything. When they showed me the pictures of my son sitting on Santa's lap, smiling, my heart broke. My husband and I had plans to take him once my husband was done with his one class (he's in grad school) and they went and did it before we had a chance to. Their response to when we said we were upset? "What's the big deal, you can take him too." And they proceeded to say that when Easter time rolls around, they're taking him to see the Easter Bunny too. They can't even respect that we'd like to experience these things with him first, and then they can.

Who doesn't understand that as new parents, we want to experience his firsts with him, not via a picture. My husband and I are heartbroken. His parents and grandparents are furious with us for trying to express our opinion on this, and now there are HUGE issues.

Are we crazy for feeling this way???

sparkymcgeee · December 2011

Not crazy for feeling that way. I would be upset too. I think it's good that you told them how you feel and now you might have to drop it. Unfortunately. I wish for you that they expressed remorse for stealing a moment from you but it doesn't sound like that will happen. Don't let them do it next year at Easter. Make sure you tell them again when the time comes.

Kristysyr · December 2011

I would be very angry as well. I think you are right to feel this way. But just think that your little one will not remember this so just make sure that when it comes to the time that he will remember that you guys are the 1st ones to bring him to see Santa!

elisbu · December 2011

Big Time Fail.

I would be crushed.

JNBrickey · December 2011

I'd be really hurt too. I'm all about doing firsts with my LO.

I think even more than that I'd be super upset that my in-laws took my DD somewhere without asking me first, but I have some crazy boundary issues, so that one might just be me.

AZ123 · December 2011

The fact that they don't get it and we're threatening the Easter bunny is even worse. Throw the Santa pic out and take Jim yourselves.

Lisa Frank · December 2011

I understand. That's not okay at all.

BUT. There is hope. I haven't taken my DS to see Santa at all. Ever. Until this year. His real memories have not started to really develop until now. So, me taking him this year was so, so special. He understands now.

I know it's the FIRST. And that is so hurtful of them to do that...but he won't remember. You will have that moment where he actually remembers and that is what is important.

(HUGS) I'm so sorry

Lisa Frank · December 2011

My point was...even though it's a "first" in your eyes, it's not in his

jamlsull · December 2011

Wow, my jaw dropped reading this! I feel for you & would also be very upset. Sad they don't get why it's a big deal. But now you know they they'd do that so make sure to say something to stop it next time (Easter). hugs

flutepharm87 · December 2011

I would absolutely lose it if this happened to us! Whether or not he'll remember it, you do. And yes, it's much more important to be there for the first time when he will remember, it's also important to be there for the first time as a parent. If this happened to me, those people would not be able to see my child without me or my DH present. That way, there's no way for them to take him and do important things with him first. I could maybe understand them wanting to go WITH you for his first time, but to exclude you guys? That's completely inappropriate. They had the opportunity to experience those firsts with their own kids. This is YOUR turn, with YOUR child.

sugarbear0524 · December 2011

mstover:

...When they showed me the pictures of my son sitting on Santa's lap, smiling, my heart broke.

...My husband and I are heartbroken. His parents and grandparents are furious with us for trying to express our opinion on this, and now there are HUGE issues.

First, NO, they did not have the right to take him. And I would be upset too. BUT...There are much bigger (and more tragic) things that happen in life that are truly heartbreaking. And this doesn't qualify in my book. Maybe it's the term "heartbreaking" that I take exception to.

mstover · December 2011

Thanks everyone! At least I know that we aren't alone in feeling this way. I fear that this is just the beginning of a very bumpy road with the in laws. They watch my son once a week and I am dreading this Monday. What makes it even worse is when we expressed our disappointment, their response was,"we just shouldn't have given you the pictures.". Great, so you will just things behind our backs and not tell us?? UGH!!!

sparkymcgeee · December 2011

mstover:
Thanks everyone! At least I know that we aren't alone in feeling this way. I fear that this is just the beginning of a very bumpy road with the in laws. They watch my son once a week and I am dreading this Monday. What makes it even worse is when we expressed our disappointment, their response was,"we just shouldn't have given you the pictures.". Great, so you will just things behind our backs and not tell us?? UGH!!!

Yeah that would really bother me too. Make sure you start setting firm boundries and sticking to them. Make sure there are consequences for their actions. I hate that you have to "discipline" them but there has to be cause and effect.

JUSTBEYOURSELF · December 2011

I would be pissed too. ugh they did not tell you is wrong just plain wrong. honestly someone that did not respect my wishes would make me think twice of letting them take lo out without me or dh.

bnicoledavis · December 2011

Absolutely not! I would be crushed, too. I do think that once you calm down a little another conversation needs to be had with them on why it is not there place to take your son to do "firsts" without permission.

adellel · December 2011

I would have cried right in front of them for doing that! AWFUL!

smiling76 · December 2011

First of all, if they can't listen to you--why let them continue to physically bring your LO anywhere? Those priveleges should be banned now.

But I will play the devil's advocate for a moment---- and believe me, if I were you I'd be crushed too. But now that I'm on baby #2--and have gone through some of this-- when those people are "gone" you'll look back and say you were glad they got that honor. There will be many years to see Santa's and many firsts to have.

Just this weekend my MIL took DS1 to his first movie. With permission. I wasn't sure about it at first--but you know what--the first time with ME will be just as special. For both of us.

With kids I've learned it comes down to choosing battles.

dahansen85 · December 2011

I probably would have cried. I'm so sorry. PP's have said it well, just wanted to say I'm really sorry they took that experience from you.

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