exH coming and going WWYD?
So exH was in DS life right after our divorce. DS was 1, and exH came until DS was 3, then he was gone for 18 months...Fast forward to me trying to go to court for phone visitation only in case exH just decided to come back. Well, less than 24 hours for that court date his mom got him attny and stopped all that. Then he was back - jumping right back into visitation (10-4 e/o Saturday) since August.
DS started having problems with separation anxiety at school etc., and then again, exH hasn't come since 11/19. I JUST get a phone call (per the PP, he has to notify me on Wed prior) that he is coming on Saturday.
It was his Thanksgiving - no visitation. It was his Christmas Eve - nothing, not even a phone call.
Help! I know I can't do anything legal-wise since it's his Saturday per the court order but I just need help, poor DS (4 1/2) is going to be a MESS again. Any ideas to help him deal with this? Any ideas of legal action that might be able to take place? exH does not have a license, he knows he has to have someone drive him. exH does not have a place to live either. He does not have a job and is way in arrears for CS also if that information helps.
I'm at my wits end with this nonsense!
Re: exH coming and going WWYD?
I am not sure if there's anything you can do now because it sounds like you were hoping that he wouldn't exercise the visitation, without getting anything in place, and then he finally decided to. So I'd make it up to DS to sound really positive (but don't do this until you KNOW he's going to show, otherwise he'll be let down). If he senses your angst he will tune into that.
THEN I would consult with your attorney and get something in place where you can go back to court about this. Hopefully you're documenting EVERYTHING from DS' distress to his failure to use his allotted visitation time. He'll have to explain why he wants to keep his time if he's not even utilizing it.
It's actually not that at all. Ugh, I had it all ready to go with a court date to get his physical visitation taken away being that he hadn't used it in 18 months and right (less than 24 hours) before the court date he shows back up into state, his mom gets him a lawyer to fight it and the court date was a moot point. Money wasted.
That was back in May, then he moves back for real in August and has been coming since then until last month when he again disappeared. So last time he saw DS again was 11/19. And now he's coming 12/31.
I've been documenting since I first left the house back in 2008 but it seems no matter how screwy he is, no matter how much time he misses, no matter what he does it seems like nothing ever gets changed.
I don' t know if it's the courts here or what but he seems to get away with being a parent whenever he darn well feels like it... and then he's not. And I try and change something to do something to safeguard DS and the courts dismiss it because he shows up last minute and decides he does want to be "dad" only to turn around and do the same thing again.
When will the courts see though this or do DS and I have to just deal forever? Because at his age exH doesn't exactly seem like he's going to grow out of this pattern. High five for holding an actual job for 3 months in the past 3 years...:( ::read, also waaaay behind in CS::
Have you talked to the court or an attourny to see if there's anything you can do? If it's not in the best interest of the child, and it sounds like it isn't, then there may be a way to put a hold on visitation. Or, better, make it a family outing. My ex and I routinely do stuff with DD. She likes the three of us together. Granted she is a LOT older.
I also agree with PP about not telling DS that he is coming until you KNOW. And, possibly, set up meetings at mcDonald's so if he doesn't show, DS is none the wiser while he's playing away.