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Blended Families
Ilumine
member
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SS played chicken and we did not blink.
Ilumine
member
So SS came to live with us for a variety of reasons, one being his mother babied him to the point he hated living under her very strict rules.
Now that we are looking at moving back to the States, FL in particular, he has been making comments to ME about moving back to his mother's...along with very cryptic reasons why. And each time he does, I tell him to talk to his father directly and never ever try to get the reason why.
Now DH and I know that it has something to do with a hcar AND that BM really doesn't want SS back. She THOUGHT that we would cave on the car issue and she would both LOOK like the great mother and not have to take him back.
Well it all came to a head yesterday when SS had a Hissy fit becuase DH would not reimburse him for the Christmas Presents SS bought BM. DH reimbursed for SS's gifts to Monkey and SD. SS chose to make me a gift.
During his tirade (mind you, SS had money and had a well paying job that HE chose to quit) he let it drop that the reason why he is going to his BM is becuase she won't make him pay his own car insurance or gas.
And for the very first time ever, DH did not try to reason himout of it or say something along the line if "don't make the decision now". DH stood very firm and stated that SS WOULD not get his license through us until he was 17 (a short 3 months from the time we moved back to the states - he is not allowed to drive over here) and that while we would give him a car, he would not be able to drive it until he had paid for his own insurance AND we would not loan him the money.
So if that was too much, then we would send him to his mother's at the beginning of the summer and that we would push our return date back like we had originally planned.
So then SS screamed his way up the stairs and called his mother.
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Re: SS played chicken and we did not blink.
Not 30 minutes later, BM calls to discuss the car issue. She is shocked that we would not pay for his insurance and that while he is more than happy to take SS back she expects us to pay for half of the insurance.
DH laughed at her and told her she should have talked to us before she offered up such a gem.
DH also told her that we will give SS until the end of February to make his final decision, but at that point what he decides is IT! No changing his mind after the fact, especially if he initially chooses her and then decides its too hard there.
I told DH that there will be consequences to any mind changing on top of the normal stuff. SSs room in the house in FL is the bigger of the two. DD will get that room and I will not give it back to him if he changes his mind, even if the mind change is before we move back.
YES I am locking him in...but there must be SOME SORT of consequence to his playing one parent off the other. AND that is what he is doing, trying to get the best of both worlds. AND there is a dresser and bookshelf that go with the very cute kids bed we just bought DD (her first big girl bed) that we did not buy becuase it would not fit in her bedroom in FL, but will in the bigger room. I would need to buy it before we moved.
WoW! I say give your DD the bigger room regardless.
He has ruined vacations (if memory serves from reading your past posts) been rude and a royal pain in general.
I respectfully think you guys have already given him way more than he deserves based on his past behavior.
Buy the dresser and bookshelf.
I am totally sure that she is trying to weasel out if her agreement as we type. What I don't get is why DH would do something for SS that he did not do for SD? And BM NEVER ONCE Paid one red cent towards SDs car insurance, either to SD or an offer to DH.
We have to have a final decision so DH can decide if we stay longer (fingers cross) or not. I will strangle the boy if he says he wants to stay with us, then after going to his moms for the summer changes his mind...after we come back early.
If he does that, he WILL have the smaller room AND he will not be allowed to go back to his mother's.
I totally agree with this! There MUST be consequences for acting that way.
Remember folks, she has not paid a red cent for child support while SS has been with us, was shocked when DH stopped his CS payments to her the minute we got him, was pissed when we claimed SS on the taxes (all per the CO) and did not take her two weeks of winter break last year becuase, again per CO) it's not our requirement to pay for holiday visitations,...Oh and the $26,000 inheiritance she "lost".
So this offer to cover SS's car insurance is really out of character. And w know she will try to get out of it. And in the end, WE will feel the brunt of it, becuase SS will somehow blame us. Not so much becuase we are being mean to his mommy, but becuase we won't give him what she promised.
Sorry, I misunderstood what you were trying to say above. I see now that you were talking about BM wanting your DH to do something for SS that he didn't do for SD. It sounds like she is feeling guilty about being a lousy parent (missing visitation, etc.). She will try to buy his love with offering the insurance then turn around and ask you guys to pay for it. I am curious to see how she will try to get out of it now.
After describing SS's mom, now I understand why SS is the way he is. They pull the same crap. The whole acting or being shocked that you aren't just going to go right along with their little plan/game in life.