Question for CIO people

katiewhompus · December 2011

Honest question because both here and irl I am hearing drastically different ways to CIO. What do you consider crying? Fussing type noises? Hysterical hiccuping sobs? Someowhere in between?

How long do you let your LO cry? It seems on here most people do intervals where LO isn't crying more than 10 minutes, with some verbal/visual soothing but I have had many a friend tell me "oh after 3 hours of sobbing my kid was fast asleep".

IlliniQT · December 2011

katiewhompus:

Honest question because both here and irl I am hearing drastically different ways to CIO. What do you consider crying? Fussing type noises? Hysterical hiccuping sobs? Someowhere in between?

How long do you let your LO cry? It seems on here most people do intervals where LO isn't crying more than 10 minutes, with some verbal/visual soothing but I have had many a friend tell me "oh after 3 hours of sobbing my kid was fast asleep".

We aren't ready for CIO, but your last sentence made me tear up :c( I don't get THAT kind of CIO. My understanding at this age is soothing every 5 mins, then 10, etc but not more than 20 or so of crying. A friend from hs told me she lets her 3 month old CIO for 20 minutes...I burst into tears when I got off the phone with her. My LO was definitely not ready to CIO, and no LO is at 3 months IMO. Sorry, that's all -- didn't mean to hijack!

lucylea · December 2011

We do Ferber's progressive waiting method with my own soft-hearted approach. We let DS fuss or cry lightly for increasing intervals. The first night we started at 30 seconds and went up from there. Now we start with 7 minutes if he cries at all. The max we have ever let him cry is 8 minutes. If at any point he starts crying hysterically we go in. Sobbing or hysterical crying is not okay with me, although I know its what it takes with some kids.

ETA: The most times we have had to go back in was six, so I'm guessing less than 30 minutes or so total from the time we laid him down until he was asleep for the night (or until his first feeding).

meheron80 · December 2011

We just recently (past couple weeks) started allowing Madison to CIO. She is at the age where she understands no from yes. When told no she will sit on the floor and scream for 1-2 minutes then get up and play with something else. The other night it was bedtime, she crawled into her ball pit and when I went to get her she screamed "Not tired". Today was my first real experience with CIO that lasted more then 5 mintues. I put her down for her nap, she was exhausted, getting very cranky. She laid down for about five minutes then got up and was jumping in her bed. I went back in, laid her down to a good deal of crying from her and walked back out. Five minutes later I did the same thing, five minutes later the same thing. Finally she got on her belly, exhausted, and put that little butt in the air and screamed like a 2 year old. I watched for a bit, she rolled around screaming and finally grabbed her blanket, pulled it over her and went to sleep. (apx 15 minutes of tantrum).

I would wait till your LO starts understanding, starts having tantrums when told no or something is taken away from them. Madison understands bed/nap time, she knows our routines at night (ie: lay her down, turn off the light, turn on the white noise maker, turn on the camera, turn on the mobile). I see her eyes moving to the next item before I get there in anticipation of what I am about to do.

Again, I would wait till you notice those hints of understanding.

katiewhompus · December 2011

meheron80:

We just recently (past couple weeks) started allowing Madison to CIO. She is at the age where she understands no from yes. When told no she will sit on the floor and scream for 1-2 minutes then get up and play with something else. The other night it was bedtime, she crawled into her ball pit and when I went to get her she screamed "Not tired". Today was my first real experience with CIO that lasted more then 5 mintues. I put her down for her nap, she was exhausted, getting very cranky. She laid down for about five minutes then got up and was jumping in her bed. I went back in, laid her down to a good deal of crying from her and walked back out. Five minutes later I did the same thing, five minutes later the same thing. Finally she got on her belly, exhausted, and put that little butt in the air and screamed like a 2 year old. I watched for a bit, she rolled around screaming and finally grabbed her blanket, pulled it over her and went to sleep. (apx 15 minutes of tantrum).

I would wait till your LO starts understanding, starts having tantrums when told no or something is taken away from them. Madison understands bed/nap time, she knows our routines at night (ie: lay her down, turn off the light, turn on the white noise maker, turn on the camera, turn on the mobile). I see her eyes moving to the next item before I get there in anticipation of what I am about to do.

Again, I would wait till you notice those hints of understanding.

What age would you consider that to be? I'm a ftm with zero baby experience so are they noticable signs? My H has been wanting to let her "get over it" since day 1 (literally, in the hospital) and I keep saying we *might* try when she's old enough to understand what's going on.

rose1883 · December 2011

we started last night. granted, my LO already slept great but was a paci-a-holic when it came to bed time to it was more to break the paci habit. our ped said its best to start between 5-7 months- after that it just gets harder and harder. i put her down w/o her paci and she cried. went back in at 3 min, shhhed, patted her back and left. set a timer to go back in a 5 min and in less than 3 min she was asleep. yes, she was crying- tears and all. and she cried harder after my initial visit, but everything i'd read said she would, so i just went downstairs to do laundry and dishes and suddenly the monitor was quiet. i did the same thing for both her naps today successfully. ped said not to let her cry for more than 45 min total.

meheron80 · December 2011

katiewhompus:
meheron80:

We just recently (past couple weeks) started allowing Madison to CIO. She is at the age where she understands no from yes. When told no she will sit on the floor and scream for 1-2 minutes then get up and play with something else. The other night it was bedtime, she crawled into her ball pit and when I went to get her she screamed "Not tired". Today was my first real experience with CIO that lasted more then 5 mintues. I put her down for her nap, she was exhausted, getting very cranky. She laid down for about five minutes then got up and was jumping in her bed. I went back in, laid her down to a good deal of crying from her and walked back out. Five minutes later I did the same thing, five minutes later the same thing. Finally she got on her belly, exhausted, and put that little butt in the air and screamed like a 2 year old. I watched for a bit, she rolled around screaming and finally grabbed her blanket, pulled it over her and went to sleep. (apx 15 minutes of tantrum).

I would wait till your LO starts understanding, starts having tantrums when told no or something is taken away from them. Madison understands bed/nap time, she knows our routines at night (ie: lay her down, turn off the light, turn on the white noise maker, turn on the camera, turn on the mobile). I see her eyes moving to the next item before I get there in anticipation of what I am about to do.

Again, I would wait till you notice those hints of understanding.

What age would you consider that to be? I'm a ftm with zero baby experience so are they noticable signs? My H has been wanting to let her "get over it" since day 1 (literally, in the hospital) and I keep saying we *might* try when she's old enough to understand what's going on.

My personal experience is around 9 months. When she understood the word no or started following directions. Example: I can say clap and she will clap. I can say no and she will either laugh and shake her head no or fall to the ground in a tantrum. I can wave and she will wave back. Watch for those signs of understanding. The big one is the word no. They seem to understand it first and will respond to it. Then start small crying spells. I really like consistency when it comes to how we put her to bed. We are not big on what time it is just the routine of laying her down. Both my H and I do it the same way and as much as possible we do it together (He changes her diaper and puts her in PJ's while I make the bottle. He kisses her goodnight, gives her to me. I kiss her, lay her down and give her the bottle. Turn on the the camera/white noise and mobile, turn off the light. Then we shut the door.)

lyse2143 · December 2011

ExpectantSteelerFan:
The method I used with ds and will use with dd is extinction, not intervals, so once I put her down, I will not go back in, no matter how much/how hard she is crying. For ds, going in to try to soothe without picking him up (intervals, Ferber, etc), just got him more worked up and made the whole process take longer.

And would you let them continue on for 3 hours?

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