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January 2012 Moms
My husband cheated on me and left me at 8 months pregnant
Hi ladies things are so difficult right now, My husband cheated on me and then said he was done with our marriage. We planned this baby we had been trying to get pregnant for 2 years and he was happy until i was about 6 months pregnant and now we are done.... We have been together for 15 years and married 3 and this is all devastating and i am heartbroken and sad and i am at a loss on what to do i would never have gotten pregnant if i didnt think we were happy and if we hadnt planned this baby we both wanted a family. what do i do now?
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Re: My husband cheated on me and left me at 8 months pregnant
DD 1/3/2012
BFP 5/21/2013 MC 5/24/2013
BFP 7/16/2013 EDD 3/27/2014
The best thing you can do right now is to pick your feet up off the ground, one at a time. You have something amazing to care for right now. I can't imagine not feeling devastated, especially after being together for such a long time and trying for this family, but you need to focus on your child. That baby is going to need everything from you.
I would definitely seek some counseling if you can through your doctor or another provider. You really need to have a good support system, especially during this last month of pregnancy. Reach out when you need it. Also a great suggestion from PP on the single mothers board. Also, see if you can find a mom's group in your area that helps with single mom situations.
Vent when you need to and ask for help from your closest family and friends if you need it. Don't be afraid to embrace this amazing experience you are going to have with your baby, you won't get the time back.
Good luck with everything and I hope you feel better soon!!
THIS. I highly agree. I've worked in the legal field for over five years. Keep text messages, e-mails, and write down anything you might need just in case. Don't make agreements with him on anything until you seek professional advice. If you don't have money for an attorney, check with your state's State Bar Association. Most of them have a free legal hotline that specialty lawyers volunteer for to answer questions for 15 minutes. Start there, then move forward with whatever direction you decide to go.
This sounds like good advice. I'd like to also add that if you have a job that has an EAP, you can also get legal advice through that.
Great advice given above.
I am so sorry that you are going through this! Allow yourself to feel whatever you need for a couple of days and then try to shift your focus to LO who needs you and regardless of how overwhelming this feels right now will be an amazing addition to your life!
I second the suggestion to check out the single parents board for advice on what to do next, steps to take, etc. I am also an unexpected single Mom (although my situation is a little different) and they have been good for advice.
I am sure that everything is scary, sad, and completely overwhelming right now. Just put one foot infront of the other and take it one step at a time. You CAN do this.
I especially agree with this.
I am so sorry you're going through this
I'll also second the Single Parents board suggestion. Hopefully they can give you some more guidance. ((hugs))
OMG, I am so so sorry. His timing couldn't be worse and is heartless at best.
Don't have conversations if you can help it - keep it in black & white (texts, emails, letters). I'm divorced myself (now married to my Mr. Perfect) and I still to this day very, very rarely have a telephone conversation with my ex-husband (father of my first child, although my husband is her "Daddy" 100%). I mostly email correspondence with him, with a rare text thrown in when necessary. He knows to do the same, as I won't even answer his calls unless my daughter happens to be with him and even then, should he ask a question that could at any point in time POSSIBLY matter one iota, I won't answer - I just tell him to shoot me an email and I'll get back to him that way. Not only for legal purposes, but it has completely cut out all of the "YOU SAID XYZ....!!!" - there's no way to twist my words, put words in my mouth or otherwise. I have a huge file, which I back-up, that contains years of email threads.
Regardless if you're set on or even considering divorce at this point, please start asking for attorney referrals too and find someone you can both afford and connect with - your relationship with your attorney is likely to be a lengthy one, an intimate one in terms of the information you will need to openly share (not easy if you don't feel a rapport), and your attorney is someone you need to have the utmost confidence in, for your own sanity. Don't just use someone because Suzie down the block did and she loved him and he got her the house + her ex is responsible for college tuition! It's so much more about your comfort level than what material things you will walk away with should you take the road to divorce.
In terms of yourself, TAKE CARE OF YOU because taking care of you is taking care of your baby, who needs you. Spend some time wrapping your brain around this ...and keep in mind that when someone shows you who they truly are, you need to believe them. My advice.
Reach out, don't be ashamed or embarrassed...if I have this all right, YOU did nothing wrong. YOU didn't cheat. YOU didn't bail on your budding family. YOU went along with life as you have for nearly 20 years with this man.
And know that you're being thought of and prayed for and support is out there, but it's not going to come knocking at your door. For your sake and for your unborn baby's sake, seek it out.
(((HUGS)))