When were you able to do it alone ?

EveTyer24 · December 2011

My girls are only two weeks old, but I feel so helpless that I can't take care of them on my own. My husband will be returning to work next week and although we'll have my mom and MIL here to help, I can't help but feel upset that I'm not able to care for them without having to depend on someone else. It's mainly the feedings that make it impossible for one person to do it.

When were you MoMs able to do it alone? Is there a certain age that it will just get easier?

TIA!

Fancy3Face · December 2011

It was hard, but I did it alone from day uno. My hubby only got a little over a week and they were in the nicu for 2 weeks, so that ate up his time off. You get into a routine and you figure out what works and what doesn't. You're for sure exhausted by the end of the day and ready for some help, but you can do it!

There were times when as soon as I heard the Jeep pull up, I was ready to dart out the door. Make sure you get enough YOU time. Do you have family close? Someone you trust to come sit with the babies while you get a shower or some time to unwind?

Good luck momma, you can do it!

SpinningJess · December 2011

My mom helped me every day for the first 2 weeks, then H had some afternoons when he wasn't in class so he was there to help. Probably around 4 weeks I felt like I had a handle on things and was even brave enough to take them in public by myself. Now, at almost 14 weeks, I feel like a pro MoM. The first few weeks are definitely the hardest. Utilize your helpers as much as you can, and don't be afraid to give them instructions!!

Mrs. Alice · December 2011

Yep I was doing it mostly alone from day one too. My parents live close by and I still go over 2-3 evenings/week because MH works late. That helps me keep my sanity.

KarliB84 · December 2011

I was not able to do it alone and I felt the same way you do, helpless! I had my mom, mil, and grandma to help when my DH was working thankfully! I would say around 10 or 11 weeks was the huge turning point and it was completely do-able then! It is rough those first few weeks but you can do it! : )

MrsLnt · December 2011

MH and my mom were back at work by the time the babies were one day shy of three weeks old. I did it on my own from that point forward because I didn't have a choice. I had help here and there and, eventually hired someone to come in a 2 days a week to help me with 2 feedings and then watch the babies so I could get out of the house some but for the most part, it was all me, all the time. And that's the norm on this board. We all just figured out what worked for us.

Not sure how you are feeding them but if you are bottle feeding, try feeding them at the same time while propped up in boppy pillows or bouncy seats. I fed mine in boppy pillows on the floor for the first few months, then we moved to the couch, which we kept up until they were about 5 months old and then we did bottles in the high chairs.

Things start to get easier around 3 months, even easier at 6 months, easier still when they start holding their own bottles (7ish months for me) and from about 9 months on it's been more fun than work.

Hunter22 · December 2011

Also from day one. We have No family here and my husband also had a three week training he had to go to leaving me with the twins and my 2.5 year old when they were 8 weeks old. You only feel like you can't do it because it is overwhelming. I promise you that you can and the more you do te more confident you will feel. It's a lot to be sure, but you can do it!

Rangergal9 · December 2011

My DH went back to work when the girls were 2 weeks old and I did it by myself. I found it easier to be alone with them. We got into a routine quickly. I also wasn't a first time mom though so I knew what to expect from newborns. Not to mention those early days were easy since they slept so much! My house was so clean and I got to relax on the couch a lot! Now they are into everything!! LOL

rachelle2824 · December 2011

My husband headed back to work when they were 4 days old. It's possible if you have to do it. When he's around I rely on him to help out and when he's not I make it work. You will be shocked at what you are capable of when it's necessary for your children! You can do it! And of course, when you have help take advantage of it!

kafunder · December 2011

DH went back to work at 2 weeks. After that, MIL came over 2-3x/week to help with two feedings (usually the 11am feeding and 2pm feeding), and then I'd go out and have some "me time" in between. It really helped. But, you can do this alone if you have to! You'll get into a routine.

What really helped us was that I read Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Twins to get good sleep routines. I also established a rule that no one could rock the babies to sleep b/c I knew when I was alone, I wouldn't be able to rock them both at the same time, so they never relied on rocking to get to sleep.

OrangeSmoke · December 2011

MrsLnt:

MH and my mom were back at work by the time the babies were one day shy of three weeks old. I did it on my own from that point forward because I didn't have a choice. I had help here and there and, eventually hired someone to come in a 2 days a week to help me with 2 feedings and then watch the babies so I could get out of the house some but for the most part, it was all me, all the time. And that's the norm on this board. We all just figured out what worked for us.

Not sure how you are feeding them but if you are bottle feeding, try feeding them at the same time while propped up in boppy pillows or bouncy seats. I fed mine in boppy pillows on the floor for the first few months, then we moved to the couch, which we kept up until they were about 5 months old and then we did bottles in the high chairs.

Things start to get easier around 3 months, even easier at 6 months, easier still when they start holding their own bottles (7ish months for me) and from about 9 months on it's been more fun than work.

Listen to this smart lady.

My DH went back to work the day before they turned 3 weeks too. I actually had a nanny already, but the very next day, she quit (and I was ready to fire her too). So I was alone. My MIL would watch them for 3 hours twice a week so that I can get out. Once I got my groove down, I actually preferred being alone.

I tandem bottle fed and made sure we all got out once a day for a stroll... our life was on a 3 hour schedule and once all three of us understood that, life was pretty good.

amanda31H · December 2011

I had help (whether it was DH taking time off from work, or Mom, MIL, or Sister) for the first 4 weeks. The 5th week I had help for a few hours every day from someone (a couple friends are teachers and were off for summer so they volunteered). By the 6th week I was on my own.

It's very overwhelming to think about going it alone- so don't think about it too much. When you have to do it, you'll do fine. It's all about finding your rythm and your babies' rythm and meeting somewhere in between so everyone is happy!

We were on a 3 hour schedule as well, so once I learned how to work with it (and tandem feed, which I didn't master until Week 6 - I BF), the days were long and tiring, but manageable.

You'll figure it out, I promise! Honestly, it's better to get it over with sooner rather than later. I know someone whose twins are toddlers and they still have never been with them alone. You can do it.

Temp6313048411121614 · December 2011

I delivered on a Thursday. DH was off Thursday, Friday, and the following week. One of the last few days I asked DH to run a few errands (short ones to start and then going out for a few hours) that way I could "practice" before I was forced on my own. It wasn't near as bad as I had anticipated. Good luck, I'm sure you'll do fine.

macchiatto · December 2011

DH went back to work after 10 days and we had no relatives in town. I had a couple friends who came over sometimes to help so I had help usually for 1-2 hrs about twice a week. Other than that, I was pretty much on my own. It was hard but it's survival mode; we got through.

Are you nursing or bottle-feeding? I found pumping really difficult to keep up with when I was on my own with the boys but both tandem-nursing and bottle-feeding were doable (if not easy) from early on.

mrs.cam · December 2011

After two weeks the help was gone so I did have to go it alone part of the day with my H was at work. It was really really hard but things got easier around 8 weeks.

As for the feeding part. I bottle fed and just fed one, then the other. It worked out fine 90% of the time. For the 10% that one baby couldn't wait, I propped them in boppies and sat in between.

You can do it. It is hard but it will get easier and you will get used to it. Good luck!

tiffanymuegge · December 2011

I had the twins on a Tuesday, came home on Thursday - DH was off until that following Tuesday...my MIL went back to work the day before DH - thank goodness my mom was around to help me off and on for a few hours a day for that week after they came home. Then after that it was all me...my mom would come by and visit each day, but for the majority of the time, it was just me. In all honesty, I think I was more terrified at the THOUGHT of having to do it on my own, rather than actually doing it. I'm not going to lie and say it was easy - it definitely was not, but you will find that you are a lot more capable than you think. I can remember crying at night because I knew I was going to be at home with the babies by myself the next day - when it came down to it, it actually was okay. Then that night I would cry again at the thought of it all happening over again...but after a while, you get into a routine (as best you can with newborns) and it gets easier as they get older. I wish you all the best of luck...believe in yourself - you can do it.

RClaffee · December 2011

I remember feeling the same way. When DH was going back to work, I though, I will never be able to do this alone. However, I learned really fast and you will too. THe first few days alone are tough, but you'll be alright.

s270453 · December 2011

DH went back to work 2 days after the boys got home from the NICU at 3 weeks old. From then on, I was by myself....no parents there during the day. You just do what you have to to make it through the day. If you have faith you can do it, you will. Bouncy chairs, swings, and most definitely boppy's will be your new best friends. When I was breast feeding, I HAD to do one at a time. When bottle feeding, I layed them in boppies on the floor, sat between them, and held up two bottles at once. You can absolutely do it! Have faith in yourself!!

TheBachelorette · December 2011

Day one here too. Our moms are deceased and our dads work. DH stayed home with me for the first week but after that I was all by myself. You will get into a routine. It will be fine.

jenn_darrin1515 · December 2011

my dh went back to work the day after the girls were born (he had just started a new job)...he only got 1 day off later that week to take us all home...my ILs (who were no help) were hanging around constantly the first week (since they were in town for SIL's wedding..) but I felt like I was doing it all alone + entertaining....after that my mom would come 2 days/week for a few hours to help with laundry/dishes/groceries (which was a life saver)...all in all I was alone from day 1 with limited help - you can do it b/c you have to...you will figure out a routine and it will be ok....GL!

erinruns · December 2011

I'm a single mom, so although I had some help, I was mostly on my own from day one. During the daytime I preferred being by myself. It was easier to keep us on our schedule and not have to entertain someone else or find them something to do.

Don't be afraid to switch things up and feed them one at a time, back to back if that's what works. My girls were high maintenance eaters and I made myself crazy trying to feed them at the same time. Once I accepted that that wasn't going to work for us, things went a lot smoother.

ColleenS629 · December 2011

my dh had three days off. between him, the hospital, and my mom, i was alone after two weeks. it was really hard and still is but you do what you have to do. sorry about no caps.. on my phone.

stuzyq14 · December 2011

I needed help with feelings for the first month (I was stubbornly trying to breastfeed with no supply - so I breast fed, bottle fed, and pumped for every feeding; it took just under 1.5 hours with help). DH was at work, and my mom is super busy, so I enlisted any friend who had an hour and a half to spare. It worked, but was hard. At a month I went to just pumping and bottle feeding and could do it on my own - I could have done it sooner if I hadn't wanted to keep trying to BF. My supply just never came in, even with the help of LCs and supplements - by 3 months I was completely dried up.

EveTyer24 · December 2011

I can't thank you all enough for your responses and encouraging words! It feels so good to read how you did it alone and just knowing that it is possible! I'm still terrified, but maybe I won't cry as much about the thought of it though.

I'm pumping (trying desperately to wean, but have so much damn milk) so I'm bottle feeding them. I'm going to try the next feed in boppys or bouncy seats ON MY OWN, while my husband is around so I can "ease into it." Hopefully, I'll be on my own sooner than later. While pregnant, I knew it would be a lot of work, but couldn't have imagined feeling so helpless.

Thank you again, you truly have helped me find some comfort and maybe some confidence for when it's time to do it alone.

You all are amazing!

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