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Proud of my Girl
Christmas was a growing process for my 14 year old daughter. She told her Dad how she felt about him and SM a little over a week before Christmas and told him it was better if they didn't speak right now. My ex MIL took her shopping to buy some gifts for me, SO, BF and SM like she does every year but made it clear that she totally understood if she didn't want to get BF and SM anything. DD bought them gifts and sent them over with my son to BF's house as she didn't want to go over there and son brought gifts from them back to her. DD called and thanked them for the gifts and told them she was sorry things were the way they are right now but she needed to get her point across and be heard, if they would give her time she will try and mend the relationship if they are willing to take what she has told them to heart. I am not sure how I have raised a wise 14 yo but I am so proud of how she has handled everything!!
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Re: Proud of my Girl
It sounds like she has her head on pretty darn straight for her age. That is wonderful and congrats to you as a mom.
That being said and also not knowing the back story I typically don't think it's a good idea for a 14 year old to get to decide NOT to see a parent. Of course there are exceptions.
I hope things get better for all involved.
The fact that it was a fight to get her to go and her Dad wasn't communicating with her at all about why this was lead to her not going. My son drives so he would ask if she was coming and she would say no and then he would go without her, for 5 months they did not call her text her or me to ask what was going on. I tried to get her to go but after a while it wasn't fair to force her.
Prior to dad not communicating and inquiring WHY she wasn't coming, what would a valid reason for a 14 year old to decide to NOT go see her dad be? I understand she is upset now because after NOT going he hadn't called or inquired as to why so I'm sure that had to be a double blow. Almost like dad doesn't even care.
I'm not attacking,just genuinely trying to learn from other's experience. My DH has two grown girls already estranged after several attempts on his part at reconciliation and a very young daughter that I worry about future instances.
BF has a step daughter that pretty much took over the daughter role in his life for years. She would say nasty things to my daughter and my daughter was left to feel like an outcast at her fathers house. SM has never really shown any interest in my daughter either. Half Brother is a brat and gets anything and everything handed to him and rubbed in my kids faces. Bottom line is she felt out of place, unwanted and a burden everytime she went over there. I could not push her to go there feeling like that. Things just finally came to a head and she told him how she felt about everything. I had attempted to talk to BF time and time again and got nowhere at all it was something she had to do.
I'm so sorry she was made to feel that way.Maybe coming directly from her to him will be enough to wake his butt up and get his act together. I know my DH's older two sometimes feel like his younger two are favored but we try to explain that they just need different things from him as a dad than they do.
Thanks for sharing--and your daughter is an amazing young lady. Classy beyond her years.
No problem I don't mind sharing and I agree that kids need different things at different ages. I hope your DH finds a balance with all his kiddos, it is a hard thing to achieve as long as he doesn't give up on the older ones it will all work out! Good Luck