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advice on renaming please

agrobins1agrobins1 member
in Late Term and Child Loss

I told my husband I would like to reuse our angel's first name if we have another daughter.  He wasn't keen on the idea until I told him I'm not trying to replace her, I want to honor her and her memory by passing her name down.  He was more into it then. Well he told his mom this and she really didn't like the idea! She said that she didn't think she could get past that it was originally her name. She said there are plenty of other names out there that we could use.  I get what she says but I still like the idea of honoring my sweet girl. I plan on explaining to our next daughter, if we're blessed with another, what her name means to us.  All of our children will know of their older sister.

What are your thoughts, would you do this? Do you think I'm just trying to replace her? 

Our sweet girl, born sleeping November 21, 2011 at 40w1d
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Re: advice on renaming please

  • roxyttandmeroxyttandme member
    I think it is great! I also think that you need to define how you mourn and honor your daughter and not let other dictate that. I say do it if that is what you want to do! 
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  • Petunia844Petunia844 member

    This is a very personal subject, but I can tell you my thoughts changed about it as time continued to pass.  Right after Peyton died, I told DH we could use his name as a middle name for our next baby... I was a wreck then so DH knew better than to disagree, I think he also knew my desire for that would pass.  The more time has gone by, the more I realized that is his name, nobody else's.   I will honor him in other ways, but his name is only his and I do not plan to use it with other children anymore, I want to keep it just for him.  Ultimately though, it is a personal decision for you and YH.  Just let more time pass and then re-visit the idea.

    I'm so glad your PP visit went well, hopefully this means future pregnancies will be uneventful for you! 

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  • agrobins1agrobins1 member

    Thank you ladies, for your advice!!

     I do agree with waiting until we cross that bridge to set things in stone. I hope God blesses us with more babies and another daughter but He may not.

    I hope you all have a great day! :)

    Our sweet girl, born sleeping November 21, 2011 at 40w1d
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  • hewinkedhewinked
    I agree it's a very personal decision.  I like the idea and sentiment of it, but over the past year, I've come to this conclusion.  Adam's name was Adam's name.  I want it to be just his.  If he was still alive, we wouldn't use his name again.  If someone else used his name, it would make me feel like people find his name to be up for grabs again, like he didn't exist.  That's just my opinion.  Like I said, it's a very personal decision.  But either way, I absolutely do not think it is trying to replace your angel. 
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  • johnnys junejohnnys june member

    Personally, I wouldn't.  I agree with PP that it is a very personal decision though.  My reason for not: 1. I want Logan to have his own individual name.  We struggled alot because my DH and his brother have the same name but flipped (Ex.  Lewis Ryan, Ryan Lewis).  DH brother was killed in an accident a few years back so he wanted to honor his brother and we used it as a MN.  We struggled alot though because I never wanted my MIL to ever try to "mother" my son (her grandson) the way she did her son that now died.  I knew she "expected" us to use his name though.  After having to deal with giving Logan his own individual identity I resolved to never use his name for another child.  I would like to use another "L" maybe -- not because of the sibling set thing (I actually don't like all the same letter names), but for this purpose I feel it works because I'm keeping them together and honor Logan.  2. Very similar to Logan having his own identity, I never want my next chiled (if a boy) to feel like Logan meant more and that's why they got his name.  I want everyone to remember my children often and individually - Logan included.  Make sense?

    This is just a personal preference.  At the end of the day you have to do what is right for you and your family.

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  • agrobins1agrobins1 member
    imagejohnnys june:

    Personally, I wouldn't.  I agree with PP that it is a very personal decision though.  My reason for not: 1. I want Logan to have his own individual name.  We struggled alot because my DH and his brother have the same name but flipped (Ex.  Lewis Ryan, Ryan Lewis).  DH brother was killed in an accident a few years back so he wanted to honor his brother and we used it as a MN.  We struggled alot though because I never wanted my MIL to ever try to "mother" my son (her grandson) the way she did her son that now died.  I knew she "expected" us to use his name though.  After having to deal with giving Logan his own individual identity I resolved to never use his name for another child.  I would like to use another "L" maybe -- not because of the sibling set thing (I actually don't like all the same letter names), but for this purpose I feel it works because I'm keeping them together and honor Logan.  2. Very similar to Logan having his own identity, I never want my next chiled (if a boy) to feel like Logan meant more and that's why they got his name.  I want everyone to remember my children often and individually - Logan included.  Make sense?

    This is just a personal preference.  At the end of the day you have to do what is right for you and your family.

     

    I completely agree with this!  I haven't put that much thought into since it's only been a month but everything you said makes perfect sense. I hadn't decided if I would use her first name as the nexts middle or what. Thank you so much for the advice!

    Our sweet girl, born sleeping November 21, 2011 at 40w1d
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  • magdalina.hmagdalina.h member

    I wanted Lucas' name to be Matthew. My mom lost twins and one of them was named Matthew. I wanted that so that he could name a son after his brother. MH vetoed that. He said that when he grows up and has kids that if they had a boy they could possibly use Aidan to honor him.

    I wouldn't name another son Aidan because it would feel like I was trying to replace him. Plus that child, IMO, would feel like they had to live up to him or that I don't love him as much as Aidan. My mom suggested that if we had a girl, to name her Nadia, which is Aidan backward.

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