Throwing tantrums

Neighner20 · December 2011

If you tell your child that they can't have something or not to do something and they run away crying because they are upset what do you do? I have heard many conflicting things as to how you should handle it.

JoannaJes · December 2011

What you are describing doesn't sound like a tantrum. It sounds like your kid is just upset. Do whatever you would normally do when they are upset.

Neighner20 · December 2011

MrsEll:
DS has just started tantrums very recently, so my experience is pretty limited. That said, I have found that ignoring the tantrum has been the most effective thing -- leaving the room (but staying nearby) or just turning my attention to something else entirely, not looking at him, not talking to him. It's hard to do sometimes, but it seems to work the best most times.

This is what I have been doing but then after awhile she comes over to me and wants to be held. I can't see ignoring her at that point.

JoannaJes · December 2011

Eric&Abby:
MrsEll:
DS has just started tantrums very recently, so my experience is pretty limited. That said, I have found that ignoring the tantrum has been the most effective thing -- leaving the room (but staying nearby) or just turning my attention to something else entirely, not looking at him, not talking to him. It's hard to do sometimes, but it seems to work the best most times.

This is what I have been doing but then after awhile she comes over to me and wants to be held. I can't see ignoring her at that point.

I agree, that would be cruel.

Neighner20 · December 2011

JoannaJes:
What you are describing doesn't sound like a tantrum. It sounds like your kid is just upset. Do whatever you would normally do when they are upset.

Well I don't know how you describe a tantrum then. I know there is worse to come when she gets older I'm sure. She sometimes will throw herself on the ground and kick her legs. The other day she started lightly hitting her head against the wall while she was crying so I went to stop her from doing that but she stopped before I got there.

3003girl · December 2011

I redirect. If she wants x, but can't have it, I offer y and she usually goes for it if I'm quick enough and it's exciting too.

NeverKnew · December 2011

DS is 23 months and we've been dealing with this since he could run away.

We let him go burn off some steam. He needs some time to vent his frustration. The older he gets, the shorter these tantrums have become and the better we can redirect the behavior. When he was closer to 1 year, he was all primal rage.

JaiEm · December 2011

I let her calm down, usually she'll do that if I gently rub her back. If nothing else works I start tickling her.

Libby1978 · December 2011

Eric&Abby:

MrsEll:
DS has just started tantrums very recently, so my experience is pretty limited. That said, I have found that ignoring the tantrum has been the most effective thing -- leaving the room (but staying nearby) or just turning my attention to something else entirely, not looking at him, not talking to him. It's hard to do sometimes, but it seems to work the best most times.

This is what I have been doing but then after awhile she comes over to me and wants to be held. I can't see ignoring her at that point.

I don't think you should ignore her if she comes to you for comfort. Most of the time when Oliver is done throwing a fit he wants to be held. That just means they want to be reassured that you are not upset with them.

Rach21 · December 2011

Running away crying =/= tantrum. They are just dealing with their disappointment/sadness.

Tantrum = screaming, kicking, flailing, biting, hitting, throwing him/herself onto the floor, stomping, etc.

When I tell Gideon "no" and I get the runaway/cry response instead of the flailing and screaming response, I say a little thank-you prayer and just wait for him to settle down. When he gets his emotions under control, he generally just wants to cuddle and receive assurance.

jessmae10 · December 2011

When DD throws an actual tantrum...when I say no or take something away she can't have...at times she will want to throw herself back on the ground and start crying because she is mad- I consider this a tantrum. I can usually tell it's going to happen, so I catch her head when she throws it back and lay her on the ground and then walk a few feet away and sit down- I watch tv or look at my phone, after about 10 seconds of her laying there crying...she gets up, crawls over to me, still crying and crawls in my lap...I give her a hug and I tell her I love her and we start playing with something else.

I feel it is okay and actually healthy that she gets frustrated and expresses her frustration...but that behavior won't get attention from me, this way, she does not learn that it will get her what she wants. I am always there to help her feel better when she is ready.

Neighner20 · December 2011

Rach21:

Running away crying =/= tantrum. They are just dealing with their disappointment/sadness.

Tantrum = screaming, kicking, flailing, biting, hitting, throwing him/herself onto the floor, stomping, etc.

When I tell Gideon "no" and I get the runaway/cry response instead of the flailing and screaming response, I say a little thank-you prayer and just wait for him to settle down. When he gets his emotions under control, he generally just wants to cuddle and receive assurance.

Well she is starting to do some of these things. So I thought I would get some advice now before it gets worse.

delg23 · December 2011

jessmae10:
When DD throws an actual tantrum...when I say no or take something away she can't have...at times she will want to throw herself back on the ground and start crying because she is mad- I consider this a tantrum. I can usually tell it's going to happen, so I catch her head when she throws it back and lay her on the ground and then walk a few feet away and sit down- I watch tv or look at my phone, after about 10 seconds of her laying there crying...she gets up, crawls over to me, still crying and crawls in my lap...I give her a hug and I tell her I love her and we start playing with something else.

I feel it is okay and actually healthy that she gets frustrated and expresses her frustration...but that behavior won't get attention from me, this way, she does not learn that it will get her what she wants. I am always there to help her feel better when she is ready.

I agree w/ this. all of it. especially the bolded part. And also the part about I just try to keep him from hurting himself. Sometimes I hold his arms up to keep him from falling on the floor when he arches his back. If he bangs his head I don't pay attention on purpose because he looks up at me to see if I am looking and stops if I am not. Addressing it makes it worse. He hasn't gotten to the point where he'll actually hurt himself w/ the headbanging though. If he does I'll move him somewhere soft.

MamatoA2010 · December 2011

Redirection, redirection, redirection always works with us Big Smile

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