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Single Parents
appylovee
member
Just introducing myself..
appylovee
member
Well, I'm 27 (will be 28 next month) and finally got the nerve to leave my abusive (mentally) boyfriend. It actually got to the point where after two weeks of not being with him, that he started stalking me, and came to my work and caused a scene. That ended with having to call the cops and file a report. Come to find out, hes already been picked up a couple times for domestic assault (and spent time in jail) for hitting his ex wife. He has a felony for possesion of cocaine (also which I didn't know about,) apparently he was hiding alot from me.
Well it just dawned on me, that I will be doing everything by myself, and it hit me pretty hard. I know raising a child on my own will be hard, but I know it's possible. I'm concerned that he may try to fight for custody, and it would kill me if he was allowed near the baby. He smokes around his daughter (in the car and the house) and she has severe asthma. He also has a really bad temper and flies off the handle all of the time. He drinks alot, lives at home with his father (he is 40) and has no job or no car. I know the baby will have my last name, and have any of you been in this situation, did you put the father on the birth certificate? Child support isn't a concern, I would rather work my butt off then have him anywhere near the child. I don't want to come off as selfish either, trying to keep him out of mine and my childs life. I'm just really concerned for the babies well being.
Thank you for listening. I just wanted to introduce myself. TIA for any advice you may have.
Well it just dawned on me, that I will be doing everything by myself, and it hit me pretty hard. I know raising a child on my own will be hard, but I know it's possible. I'm concerned that he may try to fight for custody, and it would kill me if he was allowed near the baby. He smokes around his daughter (in the car and the house) and she has severe asthma. He also has a really bad temper and flies off the handle all of the time. He drinks alot, lives at home with his father (he is 40) and has no job or no car. I know the baby will have my last name, and have any of you been in this situation, did you put the father on the birth certificate? Child support isn't a concern, I would rather work my butt off then have him anywhere near the child. I don't want to come off as selfish either, trying to keep him out of mine and my childs life. I'm just really concerned for the babies well being.
Thank you for listening. I just wanted to introduce myself. TIA for any advice you may have.
My little pumpkin was born at 34weeks, weighing 3lbs, due to severe IUGR & Unexplained Placental Insufficiency. He spent 49 days in the NICU.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Just introducing myself..
Document, document, document! Get copies of the assault reports. Anything that can truthfully show that he could be danger to the child.
Also, the fact that he has another child could come into play. Especially if his visitation with her is restricted. Bring that up to a lawyer.
Good luck and just remember that you are doing what is best for you and your LO
CS =/= Visitation
You are not married to the father he doesn't get custody until a court proves he is the father and he petitions for it.
You can allow or not allow him to see the child when the child is born as you see fit unless and until a judge orders you differently.
Depending on the state you may or may not be legally able to name him on the BC since you are not married. Again he would have to sign an Affidavit of Paternity (this form is at the hospital) or get a court ordered paternity test at his cost.
You do not have to tell him anything regarding appointments, labor or birth if you don't want to. Essentially you could disappear into the night and never contact him again. But if you file for state assisance they will need you to file for CS. But again just b/c you are awarded CS doesn't change that he has no custody or visitation rights unless and until HE files at court and is granted them by a judge.
You can get child support and still have sole custody of the child. Just because he pays money, doesn't mean he has any visitation rights. And like someone else already said, document everything! If he does take you to court for custody, it will help you tremendously!
Some states will not allow you to put a father on the birth cert, if he is not there for the birth, so you may not even have to worry about that (since I'm assuming you don't want him there).
I know it can hit really hard, especially after baby is born, that you're doing this alone, but I know you can do it. Just remember that there are people and organizations out there that will help you when you need it, whether emotionally or financially. Sometimes, just letting someone hold your baby for an hour or two while you nap or get some alone time, can do wonders for your own mental well being. You just have to be willing to ask.
I'm sort of in a similiar situation - with being pregnant and knowing that I'll be a single parent. I've been seperated from my "husband" for over 4 months now and we're just waiting for the baby to be born so we can finalize the divorce. There are definitely some scary times - I frequently get overwhelmed with the thought of having a baby on my own. And as terrible as I feel to admit this, there are times I wish it weren't real. But you can do this. We can do this. It won't be easy but I'm pretty sure it will be worth it.
Is this your first child?
Good luck with everything!