TTC After a Loss

Facebook Conundrum (BFP mentioned, not mine)

Okay ladies, since we have all had our fair share of FB nightmares, I need advice on this one.  I THINK I know what I am going to do, but want confirmation :)

One of my innocent friends who happens to be pregnant and have toddler of course was hidden from my news feed when I heard her BFP news.  She lives in AZ (I am in north GA), we went to high school together, and I haven't seen her in YEARS (like 5).  We don't keep up, with the exception of FB.  She does know about my loss.

So I get a PM on FB that is to me and about 10 others about her coming to town in March because her dad is getting married again, etc.  She ends the message with "Oh and can we borrow some toddler gear??? pack-n-play, carseat, stroller???"

Not a problem, and I can't shelter myself from all baby talk and baby gear forever!  I deleted the message and moved on.  NOW, everyone is replying telling her about their babies, their gear, etc.  I want to "leave the conversation", but everyone will be notified that I am "leaving".

I think I am going to "leave the conversation" and then send her a PM letting her know that I am excited to see her (even though I'm not really) and let her know that after my loss, it was just too hard to watch all the conversation about babies and gear, etc.  

Does that sound reasonable to you ladies?  I don't want her to feel bad at all!!!!

Thanks for listening, and here is a big slab of french toast for breakfast!  It's my fave!

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Re: Facebook Conundrum (BFP mentioned, not mine)

  •  

    I think I am going to "leave the conversation" and then send her a PM letting her know that I am excited to see her (even though I'm not really) and let her know that after my loss, it was just too hard to watch all the conversation about babies and gear, etc.

    Yup - that's what I would do. Smile

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  • imagembpandjf:

     

    I think I am going to "leave the conversation" and then send her a PM letting her know that I am excited to see her (even though I'm not really) and let her know that after my loss, it was just too hard to watch all the conversation about babies and gear, etc.

    Yup - that's what I would do. Smile

    This sounds like a great way to handle the situation.
    BFP#1 7/09 DS born 3/30/10 BFP#2 5/11 M/C 6/11 BFP#3 9/11 M/C 10/11 BFP #4 5/20/12 Pregnancy Ticker
  • I agree with leaving the conversation and sending a PM saying you'd like to see her. However, I don't think you need to explain yourself. Those reply-to-all mass messages are fking annoying regardless.
  • Okay, so I just did it.  I am a moron, because I went to her page to click on message instead of just typing her name into a message, and now I have seen her super cute u/s picture.  I'd be about 4 weeks ahead of her.  I should be finding out the gender of my baby right now, not mourning and feeling cranky about her pregnancy.  Sorry, vent over.

    Thanks for the confirmation ladies :) 

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  • imageDeethebee:
    I agree with leaving the conversation and sending a PM saying you'd like to see her. However, I don't think you need to explain yourself. Those reply-to-all mass messages are fking annoying regardless.

    I agree 100%, further explanation is  only necessary if you want to tell her about loss regardless of the message stream. 

    Married My Love on 6/18/2006
    BFP#1 10/1/2011. Our perfect little girl, Her heart stopped @ 12w1d. D&E 11/23/11
    BFP#2 3/13/12 Weird CP/Possible EP @ 6w0d
    BFP#3 5/28/12 CP @ 5w0d
    BFP/WTF#4 10/26/12 CP
    BFP#5 12/10/12 EDD 8/23/2013
    <3 Baby Boy Born 8/22/13 <3
     photo ellie.gifPhotobucket
    image
    image

  • Completely agree!! GL! And sorry you had to hear that. :(
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  • I agree with leaving the convo. I personally would send the PM as you said and explain why. Though nobody deserves an explanantion, it prepares you both for the March gathering. GL!
    BFP #1 (m/c at 9 weeks, 11/11) BFP #2 (DS, 12/11/12) BFP #3 (EDD 10/8/14)
    BabyFruit Ticker

  • Thanks ladies.  I hope that she takes it how I mean it.  I am KNOWN for being taken the wrong way......I guess I'm not great with words!

    Since she's a few hours behind me, the wait for her to get the message is killing me! LOL 

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  • I've left 'conversations' on fb before and I don't think it's a big deal (maybe that's just me though Wink)  I did tell my family members if I ever left a conversation it wasn't them, I just didn't know how to turn off all the notifications and my phone wouldn't stop 'notifying me'.  Do you have a smart phone?  That could be an excuse/ reason that your friend may understand!

    image image imageimageimage  

    CFNBC after 8 losses and IF || History || My Angel Babies

  • Sounds like you did very well.  Hopefully she is supportive towards you!
    imageimageLilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Angel and Memorial tickers BFP 6/12/11, MMC@ around 9wks, D&C 8/23/11 at 12wks BFP#2 Jan 2012 CP 1/19/12 **Miss you baby*** PGAL/PAL Very Welcome For I know the plans I have for you,
  • I think you handled this appropriately.  Keep us posted on how she replies!
    Married since 7/25/2009
    BFP #1 9/25/2011 | EDD 6/1/2012 | M/C 10/26/2011 at 8w6d
    BFP #2 3/13/2012 | EDD 11/23/2012
    9DPO hcg: 45; Prog: 41 | 14DPO hcg: 694 | 17DPO hcg: 2733 | 28DPO hcg: 53,006
    First u/s 4/13 showed a beating heart! Second u/s 5/2 showed a HB of 163! Let's GROW, baby!
    He's here! Kellen born 11/16/12 - 8 lbs 8 oz 22 inches long via scheduled c-section (breech baby, gestational diabetes mama)
  • imagemrsgaines100:
    Sounds like you did very well.  Hopefully she is supportive towards you!

     

    This!  FX that she doesn't get upset (though she doesn't really have a right to).   

    image

    BFP #1: 8/2011 ** EDD:  5/9/2012 **  Missed m/c discovered at 13 weeks

    BFP #2: 4/4/2012 ** EDD:  12/24/12 ** Born: Charlotte "Charlie" Olivia   12/18/2013, 8 lbs 1 oz, 21 inches!!!  


  • I guess I worry less about her getting upset with me, and more that she will feel horrible for mentioning those things in my presence.....ya know?
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  • I would definitely just leave the conversation. There's nothing wrong with that.

    P.S. That french toast looks awesome!

    DS 2/15/08 Bfp #2 9/11/11 EDD 5/20/12 missed m/c confirmed 8w4d, no hb and baby measured 6w5d, natural m/c 10/27/11. I'll always love and miss my little May flower.
  • Ah, yeah she may feel awkward, but she'll get past it.  She's got a lot going on to dwell for too long, I'm sure.  If anything, it'll just help her be a little more sensitive to your feelings right now.  Which is what you (and all of us) deserve!

    image

    BFP #1: 8/2011 ** EDD:  5/9/2012 **  Missed m/c discovered at 13 weeks

    BFP #2: 4/4/2012 ** EDD:  12/24/12 ** Born: Charlotte "Charlie" Olivia   12/18/2013, 8 lbs 1 oz, 21 inches!!!  


  • that sounds like a great solution. I am sure she will understand!
    BFP #1 - 10/10/11, 1st U/S 12/5/11 @ 8w, BO discovered, d&c 12/9/11. HCG @ 0 - 1/4/11.
    BFP #2 - 04/04/12, 1st Beta @ 9DPO 19, 2nd Beta @ 13 DPO 168. 1st u/s - 4/30/12 - we have a heartbeat!!
    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    image * * PGAL/PAL/TTCAL Always Welcome! * *
  • I hope she sends you back a positive reply!! FX for you, let us know how it goes!

    P.S. I love your new puppy pictures.

  • imagektsnshn:
    imagembpandjf:

     

    I think I am going to "leave the conversation" and then send her a PM letting her know that I am excited to see her (even though I'm not really) and let her know that after my loss, it was just too hard to watch all the conversation about babies and gear, etc.

    Yup - that's what I would do. Smile

    This sounds like a great way to handle the situation.

    I agree.  I've left conversations after what is being said no longer pertains to me.  I would think this would be received the same way. 

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