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Court threats...

cemacmilcemacmil
in Single Parents

I wish I was better at this to do a CP, but how many of you have had ex's follow through with court threats?

Lovely to get one right before the holidays. I have full physical sole custody of DD and he had agreed to the minimum state guidelines (they are called that, guidelines)...he keeps calling it a "CO" and claims I am trying to change everything. They are guidelines!!!!!!! So of course the "I guess I will just have to take you back to court" line came through the text lines today. We will see I guess.

Thanks for listening.

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Re: Court threats...

  • JCGreene85JCGreene85 member

    So he doesn't have a schedule where he can see LO? I have physical and legal custody but we agreed to a visitation schedule. I cannot alter it unless we both agree to it. If he already gets the minimum why would you try and give him less than that? If a judge signed off on it, it is a CO.

    Since we have a schedule neither of us can technically win by  "threatening" unless one is going against what we agreed upon. Just make sure you don't look like the bad person when you have to stand in front of a judge and explain why you arent giving your EX even the minimum.  If you ex isn't a druggie/alcoholic, or pedophile I don't see why the guidelines shouldn't be followed. I guess I need more information. 

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  • DaringMissDaringMiss member

    Let him threaten.  If he is serious, he will go to court and you can worry about things then.  Don't borrow stress - it will come and find you on its own.

    Document everything.  Save texts and emails.  Get a old-fashioned paper planner and mark down everything - when you offer visits, when he takes them, when he refuses them and why, how long the visits are for.  This way you have contemporaneous evidence that you have not been restricting his access to the child if he does decide to take you to court. 

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  • cemacmilcemacmil
    imageJCGreene85:

    So he doesn't have a schedule where he can see LO? I have physical and legal custody but we agreed to a visitation schedule. I cannot alter it unless we both agree to it. If he already gets the minimum why would you try and give him less than that? If a judge signed off on it, it is a CO.

    Since we have a schedule neither of us can technically win by  "threatening" unless one is going against what we agreed upon. Just make sure you don't look like the bad person when you have to stand in front of a judge and explain why you arent giving your EX even the minimum.  If you ex isn't a druggie/alcoholic, or pedophile I don't see why the guidelines shouldn't be followed. I guess I need more information. 

    There is no schedule - the CO says that he agreed to visitation based upon the "State Parenting Time Guidelines." He has chosen not to use his time, not me - and I believe this is because he does not understand or chooses not to use all the time he could. I have always offered the max time per day/visit and he always chooses to show up late and leave early - we have even offered for him and his mom to stay during naps until she wakes up, learn to put her down, make bottles, etc...but they just leave and say no thanks. I have never withheld time, no cancelled - he has.

    He now wants to take her based on the line in the guidelines "ages 5-9 months....return the child no later than one hour before bedtime." I do not feel comfortable with him taking her an hour and a half away - and yes he does have a history of alcoholism/drugs as well as drunk driving (though no DUI's, only by my or his friends' witness...over a dozen times at least.)

    So would I be "holding back time" or not giving the max if I don't tell him, 'you know you get x hours on x days, right?' IMO he should have an understanding of the guidelines without me having to explain and he chose not to use an attorney.

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  • CFjo2010CFjo2010 member

    If you both have copies of what the guidelines are, then he can man up, be an adult and follow them. There is absolutely no need for you to explain them to him or remind him. But I agree with PP about documenting everything: every utilized visit, every declined visit, pick up and drop off times, etc.  If you want to occasionally offer up time for him, make sure it is done in writing and document his response. Just make sure when he DOES decide to utilize visitation and it is within the terms of the guidelines, don't question it or argue if it's a last minute notice. Document that it was last minute, let him have his visitation andover forward.

    The most important thing is to maintain that YOU are willing to compromise and co-parent and that you aren't doing anything to interfere with his time with your child. That way if he ever decides to follow through on his threats of going back to Court, you have nothing to worry about or defend. 

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