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Toddlers: 24 Months+
mavs_girl07
member
3 yrs + Is your LO disrespectful to you?
mavs_girl07
member
Recently DD has been so incredibly disrespectful to us when she gets mad or doesn't get her way with something. She yells "No!!" at us really loud, she says "I don't like you, Mommy/Daddy!!". I feel so incredibly disrespected when she says these things, but we don't know what to do about it. We've tried ignoring it, we've tried punishments (time out, taking favorite toys away, etc) but nothing seems to work. She gets upset and for the moment it seems to have an effect on her, but 5mins later she's doing it again. She even does it in front of other people, which is extremely embarrassing. I'm sure people are thinking "I can't believe they let her talk to them that way", because honestly I think the same thing...I can't believe we let her talk to us that way! We're spending this weekend with family, and I'm so worried she's going to say those things in front of everyone. If your LO says these things, what do you do?
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Re: 3 yrs + Is your LO disrespectful to you?
I say something like "that hurts my feelings when you say that. I like it when when you say you like or love mommy." Yeah..sometimes I want to scream, but I figure if he gets a huge reaction he will try it more. Testing...I figure that is what this is all about..testing my mommy!
Ugh, thank you this makes me feel better. Friends kept telling me that 3 was worse than 2, and boy were they right. I feel so beat down at the end of each day!! We've always said we wouldn't spank, but she almost pushed us to that limit today. We really don't want to go there, but it's so incredibly frustrating to feel like nothing else works.
I was just reading up on other ideas and came across a reward system...maybe we'll try something like that after the holidays.
Ok seriously you sound EXACTLY like our household! lol We aren't spankers either but there have been a few times where I had to just put dd in her room and walk away. I was So mad, almost to the point of tears!
Yesterday I told her something she did hurt my feelings, not only did she not care, the next time she got a time out she screamed, "MOMMY HURT MY FEELINGS. MOMMY HURT MY FEEEEEEELINGS." Girl knows how to work it.....
There are times at the end of the day where I'll sit down and have to just blink my eyes a few times and think to myself did I do anything today besides right with Gwen? I feel like a 3 year old is running my life!
Not sure if this will make you feel any better, but you're not alone. My DD isn't three yet, but she acts just the way you describe. I was shocked the first tome because she has always been the most passive well behaved baby/toddler. We're not sure how to react to it either. It makes DH mad, and then he sasses her back, which doesn't help... We're stuck.
You're not alone!
I was just reading up on other ideas and came across a reward system...maybe we'll try something like that after the holidays.
We do a sticker chart for dd, it started with potty training but worked pretty well so after she was pt-ed we changed it to include things like, "sharing toys with Elsa" or "Picked up toys" or "Listened to Mommy and Daddy". Then after she fills her chart she get to pick out a small toy at Target. It goes in spurts how much she cares about the chart, but I figure the more she is rewarded for good behavior the better (and more calm) I feel.
Big picture, obviously this is something we, as parents, have to deal with and disuade them from doing.
But.... all of this is also very normal behavior. Children don't have good coping skills. They do this stuff out of not knowing a better way to get their frustrations across.
I truly don't get the "I feel disrespected" stance at all. Frustrated, yes. Annoyed, yes. Tired, yes. But - your child isn't doing this on purpose to specifically hurt you. Don't assign adult motives to them.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Sometimes. Then his butt goes right in the corner for being rude. I won't tolerate him being disrespectful to anyone. We have lots of conversation about respecting people, being kind and being mindful of other people's feelings. Manners are taught and learned the same way as everything else.
While I don't have any experience with this situation, specifically, what I have found to work with DS:
1. Calmly (without emotion) explain the consequence of his action. "It hurts mommy's feelings when you say that. That's not nice and not how we behave."
2. Then follow through with a CONSISTENT consequence (always a timeout, for example)
3. Explain they can come out of timeout when they are ready to apologize and be nice.
4. After the time out and apology, explain that every time they repeat that behavior they will get another timeout.
I've had a lot of luck with explaining consequences and CONSISTENT discipline. I think if you change it up every time, it's the equivalent of "getting a reaction" since they don't know what will happen. It may take a little while for them to figure out you're serious, but that's what would happen in our house.
It appears she's learned that I don't like you is the way to realllly get your attention. I group any of these statements into the "you're not being nice category" which calls for time out in our home. I tell her if she's not being nice, people won't play with her including mommy and daddy. She then has to apologize for saying mean things. I think explaining consistently why and doing the same punishment is key. Perhaps trying different things has caused some ineffectiveness and like a PP suggested, she wants to see the new reaction.
If we're in public and she acts up like that, we drop everything and go to the restroom for a talk. Regardless of what I say to her in there, pulling her out of the situation and letting her fuss and get some of that anger out tends to help.
Sorry, just now getting back to this post after being out of town for a few days.
First, we don't switch up our discipline methods as often as some of you think we do. When we try something new, we give it at least 2 solid weeks to see how it goes before deciding it doesn't work. So I don't think she's just testing us to see what reaction or discipline method she's gonna get this time. Second, I do find it disrespectful when she acts and speaks that way to us. I know she's 3, I know she doesn't know yet how to handle her feelings, I know she doesn't understand the things she says/does are hurtful. But that doesn't keep it from being incredibly frustrating, and it helps to have an outlet where I can vent and see that other moms feel the same way and are going through the same thing.