Anyone have mixed feelings at first birthday?

st.augbride · December 2011

Ds is turning one soon, and it's pretty hard to believe. He has come so far from when he was born at 34w 5d and at only 3lb3oz. He is still fairly behind in size and gross motor skills, and we are still dealing with many f/u medical appts, though he is still doing very well. It has been a crazy year and not what anyone expects the first year to be like. We are having a very small party to celebrate, though in many ways I find myself more reflecting on the year and still trying to process it all, and praying next year (after a surgery in Feb) is easier and that ds catches up. We are still sort of in the wait and see mode for development and have many worries and fears that something else will suddenly turn up, just as many other unexpected things have throughout the year. I guess it feels hard to be so excited about the one year birthday and in many ways it's just reminding me of how hard it's been. Can anyone relate???

jacque_z · December 2011

Definitely! DD's birthday was really hard on me. Reflecting on the past year and all we've been through. Plus, I'm working on getting past her prematurity. I feel like that's all we've focused on the past year and I want to move on. I worry about DD constantly. I wish I could let go and just enjoy her but it's so hard. So I know exactly how you feel unfortunately I don't have any answers. Good luck and I hope the upcoming year brings great things for your son. He's adorable!

Irishsapphire · December 2011

I know that there are some mothers who do have mixed feelings. For me, it was more that I felt like people did not really acknowledge his birth until he came home from the hospital, so I wanted to make sure that my son had a really good 1st birthday. We had a beautiful day on his 1st birthday.

sjones10 · December 2011

I did and I hate to admit it but I wasn't happy that we were having a traditional first birthday party. In a way I felt that we didn't need to celebrate the day he was born because its wasnt a happy day for us. It was filled with worry and chaos. I didn't want to relive those moments and have everyone else be so happy while I was depressed inside. We ended up having a family birthday party with some NICU friends and NICU nurses on my son's birthday. We had a small family (just me, dh and son) party on our son's anniversary from coming home from the NICU and my dh and I went on a date on our due date anniversary. I felt that by celebrating all the little dates that were important it helped me with the grieving process.

I feel like my son's first birthday party was a great way for me to close the "preemie" chapter in our life and process all the guilt I was still feeling from his birth and days after. I told myself that after his first birthday it was ok to feel sad about the expierence but I was not going to let myself relieve the days leading to his birth and the milestones that happened after. That helped. I think its normal to have mixed feelings about many things being a preemie parent. The birthday is a big one!

lmwent123 · December 2011

my son is now 13 months & 2days (adjust age 10months) we had a big family party for him. The days leading to his party I did think alot about the night he came & how scared I was, his dad didn't make it to the hopital until I was in the OR which made it even harder. when he was in the NICU i had then decided to focus on the positive & no matter how scared i got i kept a brave face on when with him & would & still do tell him how amazing he is for all that he has accomplished given his circumstances. i get fustrated when i hear "he's behind developmentally" cause when u look at it from his adjusted age he is on target in some areas and ahead in others, never mind alot of these things are just guidlines & no two babies are the same. Right now i'm hearing how he should be able to feed himself with a spoon, he's not ready he just mastered feeding himself with his fingers and i want to scream "give him a break!" besides my nephew how is now 17, an honor student, football player & wrestler didnt start to use a spoon until he was 13-14 months! truth of it is this preemies & full term babies will always have unexpected scares, there is nothing we as parents can do about it except love and be there for them. We will drive ourselves crazy thinking about the what ifs. Focus on the positive things enjoy those mements like when your LO truly smiled at you, for me it was 4amEaster, and enjoy

. Besides I'm convinced our LOare just preparing us for when they get older and do things like skydiving

. So enjoy his party & celabrate all the ways he is amazing

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