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Feeling lost

BELLABAY24BELLABAY24
in Late Term and Child Loss
My baby Evan was born on Dec. 22nd asleep. Today is my first day home alone and I can't stop crying. My mom comes into town tonight and now I realize I do need her here. I don't know what to do with myself, I just feel so lost, like why did this have to happen. I wanted him so much. I know he was very sick but it just seems so unfair. I know so many people having babies and I was so excited to be a mom with them. I know this is just all rambling, sorry. 
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Re: Feeling lost

  • magdalina.hmagdalina.h member
    I'm so sorry for your loss.The first few days, weeks, months are one giant fog. In the beginning it's a good day if you make it from the bed to the couch. It sucks losing a child.
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  • AmyG2bAmyG2b member

    I am so very sorry. Allow yourself to feel everything, and realize there are many stages of grief. I recommend reading Empty Cradle, Broken Heart. I'll even mail it to you if you want to pm me your address. 

     

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  • CaroleeCarolee member
    I'm so very sorry for the loss of your Evan.  I have felt (and still sometimes feel) everything that you are feeling right now.  You're right - it isn't fair.  I hope having your mom with you brings you some comfort.
    Mom to Eliott Alexander, born sleeping at 37 weeks on 8/13/10. Most of us only dream of angels - I held one in my arms.
    BFP #2 - EDD 2/26/12 M/C 6/28/11 @ 5w2d
    BFP #3 - EDD 4/7/12 M/C 8/2/11 @ 4w2d
    Too beautiful for this earth
    BFP #4 - EDD 12/09/12, Lucille arrived 11/26/12
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  • Cercamom2011Cercamom2011 member
    I'm sorry for your loss.  The first days are definitely a blur.  (((HUGS)))
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  • foxxy1foxxy1 member
    I'm so sorry for the loss of Evan. I just lost my angel Ethan two weeks ago and I still feel like I'm watching a movie starring someone else. I agree with PPs and just take it hour by hour.
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  • NicoleD54NicoleD54
    I'm so sorry for your loss. Hugs.
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  • johnnys junejohnnys june member
    I am sorry for the loss of your Evan.  *hugs*  I remember my first day alone very vividly.  For me, I didn't want to talk, I just didn't want to be alone.  I had alot of anxiety too.  I agree with PP, the first few days, weeks, months are a fog.  Take care of yourself and find victory in the small steps. 
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  • Bread09Bread09 member

    I'm so sorry for the loss of your sweet Evan.  I agree with all of the PP that it's so hard.  I also found Empty Cradle, Broken Heart to be helpful.  Lots of hugs to you.

    TTC #1 since 4/09
    2/21/11: IVF #1 Begins and results in TWINS!
    11/4/11: The twins are born at 36w4d!
    11/5/11: We said goodbye to our sweet baby girl as she was born with multiple complications and a severe heart defect, Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome.
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  • Mjmksb04Mjmksb04 member
    I am so sorry for your loss.
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  • dandywarholdandywarhol member
    I'm so sorry for the loss of your little Evan.  I pretty much spent the first week in bed either crying or surfing the web, hoping to find some answers, information, or help.  The women of this board proved to be a wonderful support system.  I also started to keep a journal to help me channel some of my thoughts and feelings. 
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  • krysiahamatykrysiahamaty
    I am so sorry for your loss. The first few weeks are the worst. It doesn't get easier but time helps a little. And I hope you have a good support system. And I'm sorry you're here but the ladies here are awesome. Big hugs.
    TTC since November 2009. DH diagnosed with sperm antibodies. IUI #1 = BFN IUI #2 = BFN On the road to IVF.... Egg Retrieval Jan 21, 2011 16 eggs retrieved Egg transfer Jan 26, 2011 Only 2 viable eggs transferred. 1 IVF, 1 ICSI IVF #1 = BFP :-) 10/3/11 No heart beat at 38 weeks: Our baby Jack became an angel 12/14/11 = natural BFP Rainbow baby Samantha Jacklyn born8/8/12. Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
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  • drvst8drvst8 member
    I am very sorry for you loss of baby Evan. The first few days are the worse. I'm almost 3 months out from my loss and I still have days like your having today. Take care of yourself. And I hope you find some comfort here.
    Logan Gregory born sleeping 9/29/2011 @ 40wks 2days Forever in our hearts Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
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